Chapter 61

Miss Haruka is a Yokai. That is what she just told us, at least.

I really hope that it is untrue. That it was just a weird joke, that she just wanted to mess with us in some way… but Miss Haruka isn’t the person to do so.

I can see her red heart right in front of me. Killing her would be easy. I hold my sword tightly and point it at her.

“W-what?! You are a Yokai?!” Aki can’t believe it either. She looks at the nurse, horrified and perplexed. I can not blame her in the slightest.

Miss Haruka, looking as stoic and emotionless as most of the time, stares back.

“Yes. I am.” She sees no problem in it. I stand in front of her, holding my sword.

She does see me in color. She sees just how nervous I am. Am I trembling? I probably am. Yes, I probably look pathetic… That’s why she’s not scared of me. She knows that she is able to defeat me nonetheless.

“Why… did you admit it? Why didn’t you just attack us?” Hibiki looks at her, just as stoic as Miss Haruka. It truly was a battle of who could show less emotion.

“Ah. You misunderstand. I do not plan on battling you. Or killing you or harming you or anything the like. My whole intention was the following: You hate Yokai. Understandably so. And at this very moment, your hate must be as giant as never before. Thus I figured that you will easily kill me now.”

I registered the words she said but they didn’t make any sense. I lowered my sword a bit. Was this a trick to confuse us and thus catch us off guard? If so, it worked… But she wouldn’t have to do this in the first place to catch us off guard. After all, she was a trusted teacher of ours.

“What… do you mean? You have no intention of killing us despite being a Yokai?”

She shakes her head. “No. This whole war and conflict between humans and Yokai is kind of… ridiculous to me. After all, was I not able to live with you without problems? There is no such things as a reason or a command given to us. At least, not as far as I know.

During all of my life, I not once wanted to hurt a human. And thus, I did not. Not once did I hurt anybody. I dedicated my life to healing and protecting lives of those around me. And as I was living with humans, I wanted to protect you.

Being of different species should not once be a reason to slay one another… Yet, that is a thing that only I seem to understand. No Yokai and no human thinks like this, not even the primordial existence.”

Hibiki shook her head. Now even she was confused. “You say that but… If you are actually not an enemy of humans but want to keep on living with us… Why do you want us to kill you?”

Miss Haruka turns her back at us. She walks around the room for a bit, then she stops in front of a window and looks outside.

“I am tired of life. I am tired of the role I play. I am tired of the Doctor. I am tired of… practically everything there is.” She yawns. “See? I just… don’t get excited by anything anymore. Thus, I want to end it. I have seen how boredom changes beings and I have seen just how drastic people get when they lose their mind. Thus, I want to stop when I am still myself. My life serves no further meaning and thus I can go ahead and end it. I don’t have a single thing that excites me anymore.”

My sword drops. It drops onto the ground.

“That is a lie. You told me, didn’t you?

Even if your life is meaningless and boring, there are those single few highlight moments. Like healing people. Those make you happy and because of them you kept on living… Has that changed? Just a few moments ago you yourself said that you love healing people… Also, there is no real reason for you to go ahead and die. Nothing happend, nothing really makes you deserve to die or anything at all. You’re just… tired of life. That’s no valid reason to just go ahead and get yourself killed!”

“…is that so? If you are tired, won’t you go to bed? This is the very same thing: I am tired of life and thus I want to sleep eternally.”

“The difference is that you wake up again after sleeping… If there is something you want to see, if there is any event at all… Like, lets say you meet someone at midnight… and you’re really excited for it. You really want to go there… Won’t you stay up late despite being tired? Won’t you wait until the meeting is done and only then sleep? And then, after sleeping… you wake up again. And you carry on with your life until you meet the next time.

Killing yourself because your life doesn’t seem exciting or anything like that is wrong. Each and every person has those single moments in which they are happy. And even if those little highlights are rare and happen only seldom, they do happen. And to experience them, you will have to live on.”

Miss Haruka doesn’t face us. We can only see her back. She doesn’t say anything.

“You won’t kill me?”

“That’s right.”

“Despite me being a Yokai?”
I think back to Kida. She also liked being among us humans… and she could have probably stayed among us for all eternity. Miss Haruka is not that different.

“Yeah, no one cares about that. Just… keep on living. Keep on enjoying those little moments. Even if your life is boring, even if your life is exhausting, tiring or even horrible… Keep on going. Keep on living. If even for a single moment of happiness, all will be worth it. For this single moment of happiness is what makes life truly important.”

All four of us are quiet for a few moments. Miss Haruka sighs.

“You should go and meet Itu, Isuri.”