Chapter 64

He smiles a bit. He has no words to answer me.

“You want to die?! Okay, then go ahead and die!”

I jump at him. The red blade curves through the world, leaving behind a glowing trail, and directly hits his blue heart.

…

However, nothing does happen.

It feels as though I killed him. It feels as though he had just died to my blade and yet… He stands there. Not a single injury on his body but merely a sad smile.

“Please, go ahead. Attack me. Kill me. Please, I beg you to do so.”

I can’t.

That is: I want to. I really do. I have never wanted to kill a single person as badly before as I want to kill him now. But I just… can’t. I’m not strong enough, it seems… or maybe this is not a problem of strength in the first place.

I am in despair.

I can’t stop Itu. I can’t kill the man who orchestrated my friends’ deaths… No, not only those. He orchestrated… everything. He orchestrated my entire life, just for him to die here and now. And I cannot even kill him.

And the thought of defeating Phanes seems even more ridiculous. So… is this it? Is this really how this story ends?

…

The two of us heard steps walking down the hallway. Loud steps. Then they stopped, right in front of the door. The door slowly creaked and opened itself.

Behind it stood a girl with white hair, a black tall cylinder with a white band stretched around it, a black, frilly and western dress, small golden skulls etched onto it and a slim smile.

Lady Death herself had arrived.

She did not look at me. Itu stared at her and desperately reached out his arms to her. She slowly approached him and took his hands.

“I… have waited so long for you…” Itu is about to cry. He is desperate. Lady Death doesn’t react at first, then she starts moving her own body and dragging Itu along. Before I could grasp what was going on, the two of them started to dance. They danced a close and slow waltz.

“You have awaited me… Why is that?”

“I have grown tired of life… I keep on seeing the same things over and over again… And thus, I grew tired of everything. After realizing that everything is set from the start… that the free will everyone keeps on talking about is nothing but an illusion created by those who want to feel good about themselves… I did not see any purpose in life anymore.”

“Oyama Haruka felt the same as you, although she lived far shorter than you do. Your desire to die must be far greater than hers, is it not?”

“Yes, of course it is! You would not know it since you are Death itself… but there is nothing worse than living forever. Infinite is such a scary thought… And thus, before I keep on living for all of eternity, I wanted my life to end. I wanted to avoid my eyes from all of the suffering in this world. I wanted to stop forming connections again and again just for me to end up losing everyone over and over again.”

“Death is infinite in the same way. From the moment you die, you will be dead forever. For all eternity.”

“Death is just another version of sleep. And when I sleep, I either dream or I do not. If I dream in Death, then that will be just fine: Each and every time I dream, I will be excited once more. My thoughts will be clouded and I can truly, at least remotely, understand what it truly means to be alive. For with the time I had lived up until now, life has no meaning. The longer you live, the older you get… the more you realize just how utterly meaningless life and everything in it is. This is the truth.”
“Won’t you grow tired of dreams eventually as well?”

“Of course I will… but when that moment comes, I will simply stop dreaming. I will stop existing. Once even the last thoughts of myself, those being nothing more than dreams themself, vanish… Only then will I truly be free. Only then will I truly be the person I had always wanted to be: Only then will I be truly dead.”

“I see. That is what you desire.”

Lady Death spins Itu around. She then lets go of him.

Itu drops to the ground. He is dead.