Wrap Party

Shinya watched the last scene with a strange sort of heartache. Hina and Kazu’s beach date from the third to last episode was the ultimate shot. They watched them sit next to the camp fire on the beach, slowly fading out into black.

And then it was over.

After a moment of silence, the whole beach broke out into applause. People cheered, and someone brought flowers for the actors. At that moment, Shinya was flooded with pure joy. He was swept up in the atmosphere, falling into people’s arms.

Finally, Minato drew him into a hug and Shinya let it happen. No matter what he had heard before, this moment was perfect and he didn’t want to miss out on it.

“Thank you,” Minato whispered to him. “Love you.”

Shinya couldn’t reply. He hid the sharp pain he felt when he heard these words by pressing his face against Minato’s shoulder and nodding. Minato was already used to Shinya’s emotionality, so he just kissed the top of his head and held him closer.

——

The wrap party was held in a restaurant at the seaside and the whole place had been rented out by them. The place had a comfortable izakaya vibe, low light, cozy spaces and the refreshing salty smell of the sea.

Shinya was placed in the place of honour between Minato and the director. He reached for his drink and tried to forget the words he heard. It became easier with every sip. He knew it wasn’t a good idea, but at the moment, he couldn’t resist.

Minato leaned against him all evening. His presence was maddeningly comfortable and warm. Shinya loved him. He loved Minato so much.

It hurt.

After the food was eaten, enough alcohol was distributed among the people, everyone started walking around the place, talking in small groups, enjoying the buzz.

Shinya’s heart wasn’t in it. Not anymore. He should’ve been angry at Minato for ruining this night for him, but at that moment he just felt empty. He watched Shinya talk with Saya at the other table.

Could love be faked? To this extent? Shinya didn’t know. Their interactions had felt so genuine. Minato was kind and thoughtful. Even during their physical encounters, there had been no indication at all that he put on an act. But that was, in essence, what he did. Acting. Shinya had always thought Minato was the best actor he knew. Now he had been given a personal show.

He emptied the glass of beer and leaned back on the chair, eyes closed.

The anger wouldn’t come. It would’ve been easier, being angry instead of being sad. Empty. But he had loved Minato for so long, he couldn’t be angry.

Love. Yes. When he looked at the man, Shinya knew he still loved him. He had reached his goal, after all. Write a role for Minato and get his attention. What did it matter that it was fake? He just wanted to be close to him. Relish in the attention, be able to touch the man of his dreams.

It didn’t matter. He could pretend to never have heard their conversation and keep Minato as his boyfriend. After years of longing, Shinya found himself unable to let go. He had never even imagined getting this far. What did it matter if the foundations were unstable?

He put down his glass, walked over to Minato and slung his arms around his middle. Minato was surprised for a moment, then leaned back into him.

Yes. It was enough. It was enough.

——

As the evening progressed, Shinya excused himself to catch some air. The beach outside the restaurant was dark, and he sat down at the edge of it. The salty breeze sobered him up somewhat. He took a deep breath that was cut off when Minato sat down next to him.

“Hey,” Minato said.

“Hey.”

“You okay?”

“Just had a bit too much to drink.”

“Come here, love.”

Minato opened his arms and Shinya went where he was called, leaning into him. It felt good. It felt right. Tears ran down Shinya’s face as he felt Minato’s lips against his—one of the moments he had dreamed of so many times tainted by the knowledge of betrayal.

“Shinya?”

“I thought I could do it,” he said. “I thought just having you close would be enough, but I can’t.”

“What do you mean? What’s going on?”

Shinya rubbed his eyes.

“I loved you, first as a fan. Years of adoration and, yes, unreasonable yearning. Then I loved you as the person I got to know on set. I fell again, for your easy charm, your gentle kindness and the way you look at me when you think I’m not watching you. I can’t do it any longer, precisely because I love you, all of you. But this is the end.”

“The end? Shinya, what are you talking about?”

Minato took both his hands and held them close.

“I heard you and your manager earlier today. You were thinking yourselves alone behind the little shed, taking a break, scheming.”

Finally, Minato understood. He grew pale. His hands began to shake.

“Shinya, it’s not—”

“Don’t tell me it’s not what it looks like. Please. Don’t make excuses.”

Minato exhaled a shaky breath.

“It’s true. It was Fukuhara’s idea, but I participated, so I’m equally at fault.”

Shinya put some distance between them. The air grew colder immediately.

“I was blinded by my adoration. No, not completely. I was surprised you would come on to me so strongly. But I love you too much. I have no defenses against you. I… I need to go. I can’t do this.”

“Shinya!”

Shinya ran back into the restaurant, and bumped immediately into Saya. He apologised profusely.

“Shinya? You don’t look so good. Are you alright?”

“Too much to drink,” he said. “I got some fresh air, but think I might have to bail.”

“Got it. Come on, I’ll get your stuff.”

Shinya did a round and said his goodbyes. When he turned to the exit, Minato stood in the doorway, looking at him like a kicked dog. It took everything in Shinya to avert his eyes and just walk past him. He felt Minato’s touch on his arm, fleeting, then he was gone.