Separation

The promotion activities for the drama were ramping up two weeks after the wrap party, as the popularity grew. That day, everyone came together in the production office to discuss the event the next day. Shinya hadn’t seen Minato during those two weeks, hadn’t replied to his countless messages. He felt like he was in an emotional limbo.

After the discussion, they leaned back with a cup of tea and caught up on the latest. Minato excused himself for a phone call, and only moments later Saya perked up.

“Listen to this: ‘Actor received preferential treatment due to relationship with producer.’ They say Kazuya was supposed to be the lead, but Minato slept himself to the top? What kind of bullshit is that?” she lamented. “Is the press running out of ideas?”

Shinya froze. The brief relationship aside, this was exactly what had happened. He listened to Saya reading quotes from the two production studios he had turned down, because they wouldn’t budge on the casting. But he had done it himself. Even if Minato had later tried to create that situation for future engagements, at the time, they hadn’t even known each other.

With them in the room were Fujibashi, Kazuya and several crew members, who were doing admin work. Fujibashi eyed Shinya intently.

“Before you say anything: I know you insisted on Arai. I was at the negotiation. But you didn’t know him personally back then, did you?”

“No, I did not. I was just a delusional fan,” Shinya said in a small voice.

“Then I suggest you stay away from Arai for a while.”

Shinya stood up straight and took a deep bow. “I will. Thank you for your understanding.”

Fujibashi rubbed her nose. “Look, I know you two got close during the last few weeks. It was practically unavoidable to see it. I also got to know you as an upstanding and honest person. Keep quiet now, don’t comment on anything, don’t post. We’ll flood our channels with promotion material of the CP and behind the scenes content, and it’ll blow over. Also… I suppose you should sit out the live cast live streams.”

“Alright.”

Shinya’s eyes filled with tears.

“And Kazuya… you didn’t talk to the press about this yet?”

All eyes were on him as he shook his head.

“Good. Keep it that way. They will no doubt contact you for a character assassination of either or both of them.”

“Understood.”

“The photo they used is the one the set photographer took. It was never released,” Saya said.

“I recognised it too. We’re checking who had access to it,” Fujibashi said.

“Thank you,” Shinya said and everyone looked at him. “Thank you for staying so calm.”

“Not the first time this kind of thing happened in one of my sets and it won’t be the last. You learn that calmness and quiet is often the best reaction. Just stick to us, Ueno-san. Oh, and I’ll talk to Arai when he comes back.”

Fujibashi was the voice of reason and Shinya was so glad to have her. Without this… He didn’t want to think about it. What he did think about as he walked to the car, was the fact his first instinct had been to run to Minato and ask if he’s okay. Not only would that be contraproductive to the gossip, Shinya had cut off their contact himself.

“Shinya…”

Minato stood in front of him in the long hallway. Shinya forced himself to look away. And then Minato was close enough to touch. The scent of his perfume made Shinya reel.

“How are you?” Minato asked.

“Good.”

“Don’t lie.”

“What do you want me to say?” Shinya yelled. “You don’t actually care!”

“I do care. I love you.”

“I don’t trust you.”

Minato’s hands shook.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about what you did to me. I am still your fan and I won’t stop supporting you, but I will do so from a distance. You don’t have to force yourself to be with me anymore.”

“I’m not forcing myself, believe me. I—”

“The book,” Shinya cut him off. “No, the whole series is written for you. It’s all for you, still. I will support your career without lies and falsehoods. I only ask you leave me in peace and don’t play pretend. My heart won’t be able to take it.”

As Shinya turned away, Minato grabbed his shoulders. Minato’s eyes were large and full of unshed tears. He looked open. Vulnerable.

“It’s not fair, using your acting skills on me now.”

“I’m not acting,” Minato whispered, faintly.

“I don’t believe you.”

Shinya walked away in silence.

——

[Minato] [I worry about you.]

[Minato] [Has the press been harassing you? You can always talk to me. I can help.]

[Minato] [I hope you had a good weekend.]

[Minato] [Here’s the link to the next live stream.]

[Minato] [I’m sorry]

[Minato] [I miss you]

[Shinya] [Tonight. 8pm. My place.]

——

Minato’s nerves were shot. He had never been so nervous, even before his first audition. This felt, contrary to everything he had assumed about himself before, more important than anything else in his life. The weeks of separation had made it clear how much he needed Shinya in his life.

He was determined to win him back.

With shaky fingers he rang the bell. Shinya opened, and he looked good. But he also looked horrible. Big sweater, soft hair, but pale skin and red eyes. He had been crying.

“Come in,” he said and stepped away. “Close the door, then come with me.”

Shinya led him through the living room and into his bedroom. Minato stopped in his tracks.

“You’re… you…” Minato faltered.

He looked around the room, which resembled a shrine more than a bedroom. It should’ve scared him. It did the opposite. It reassured him. No matter how much Shinya had insisted on separating them, this remained. He was still in his heart, even if his foothold was precarious. Minato walked over to the bookshelf and let his fingers glide over the row of neatly sorted magazines.

“I couldn’t stand it,” Shinya said quietly from the doorway.

Minato turned to look at him. Shinya’s hands were digging into his own shirt, face red, gaze trained on him defiantly. He looked beautiful.

“You couldn’t stand what?” Minato asked, too afraid to cross the distance just yet.

“The comments online. The way they talked about you. Calling you second-best. Calling your acting… flat. Unexpressive. No range.”

Minato took a deep breath. Yes, those comments had followed him for most of his acting career. He was called an eternal support act. Only good for his face, and not even that. Always wearing the same expression. It hurt. It still did.

“I knew… I know you can do more. You’re better than what they say. Have always been. That’s why I wrote this book, as delusional as it sounds.”

“You wrote it for me.”

“Yes. I told you that. But it’s not just because I’m your fan. I wanted to create a role for you, which showcases everything they say you aren’t. Which shows everyone… what I see. It was a delusion when I started writing. But then it was published and…”

Minato took a step forward. “You refused the production studios that wouldn’t cast me. Even if it meant no filming at all.”

“I came that far, it wasn’t even worth thinking about. And when it happened. I guess I was blinded. I wanted it to be true. I asked you here to tell you that you don’t need to be afraid. I would never blackmail you. I’m just…” Shinya balled his hands to fists. “They tell you to never meet your heroes, and maybe they were right. You don’t owe me anything. I did everything out of my own desire and personal delusions. And I would have done so forever, even if you never looked at me during the shoot. No… that’s not right. I will forever continue to be a fan of Arai Minato the idol, even if Arai Minato the person broke my heart.”

Minato’s legs no longer had the strength to carry him. He sank to the floor, a poor imitation of the shining idol surrounding him on all walls.

“So you brought me here to tell me it’s over?”

“I need you to leave me alone because my heart can’t take it having you close, knowing it was all a lie,” he managed to whisper.

“It was a lie. But it turned into the truth. I don’t care about any of this. I just want you. Ueno Shinya.”

Shinya sobbed and fell into himself, arms clutched tightly around his body.

“Please… please… I can’t do this again.”

Minato leaned forward and crawled to sit in front of Shinya on the floor. He reached out, but only dared to take the fabric of Shinya’s shirt into his hand.

“Please leave,” Shinya said.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because this feels like the end if I go. I don’t want it to be the end. I want to be with you even if you never write a word for me again. I was a fool to have listened to Fukuhara. Look at me. You are so good and so gentle and so lovely and my life is empty without you. I love you so much. Please, please stay with me. Please, Shinya—”