Sick Day

I used being sick as an excuse to destroy myself. Let my emotions get out of hand, let my laziness take over, let dopamine carry me. Then I look back and it feels like not only a day gone but a life gone as well. I feel like everything I’ve ever done is useless and there’s nothing of use to do in the future. But that doesn’t give me any drive to end life. So there must be something. It’d be nice if I had that something so I can stop drifting. I’m letting it slip. I’m letting everything I do get worse, and yet I feel no need to fix it. Like the penguin dying on the mountain I run towards the day where I have no discipline, accomplishments, or excitement left in me