A Birthday Party For The End Of The World

“Rin! Arata! Shiona! Kai! Riku! What are you doing here?!” Kureha blurted out with joy as they all rushed to embrace one another.

“What? You thought a midnight text in the group chat was all you’d get?” said Riku, the boy who had been her neighbor for a decade and still used a cane to walk.

Kai shook his fingers through her hair. His parents had been close and when Kureha’s mom passed away, she had lived with them down the street for a few months.

“Happy birthday,” he smiled as he removed his shoes and entered the house.

“Happy birthdayyyyy!” sang Rin as she shimmied her shoulders in celebration and jumped into Kureha’s arms for a hug.

Rin was petite with pixie-cut hair. Arata was her quiet, kind boyfriend of several years. They all three hugged together then stepped into the house.

“Happy birthday,” Arata smiled.

“Happy birthday my darling,” said Shiona as she adjusted her turtleneck then handed Kureha an enormous bouquet of flowers.

“They’re beautiful!” proclaimed Kureha as she received the bouquet that was larger than her torso.

“We all pitched in, but it was Shiona’s idea to get them,” said Kai.

“Anything for my baby girl,” said Shiona to Kureha as she closed the door.

“Well, it was Riku’s idea to get everyone together,” said Rin as she clapped her hands.

The room was now full of people and of livelihood. These were the relationships that had been with Kureha for almost her entire life. They had gone to school together for years and had all once lived in the same neighborhood until Kai’s family had to relocate to Osaka for work.

“Kai, when did you get back?! How long are you here for?” asked Kureha.

“Till the end,” smirked Kai.

“What?!” asked Kureha.

“I’m staying with Riku’s family. When everything went down, my parents refused to change in any way. My dad is still traveling for work conferences, still going to his building-”

“Mine too!” proclaimed nearly everyone else in unison.

“So I gave them an ultimatum. I was leaving. I never really made friends in Osaka, so I wanted to be with you guys. I messaged Riku’s family if their guest room was still available, and now I’m here.”

“Awww, we’re all here…” sighed Kureha.

Before Kureha knew it, she was crying. The tears were warm, and they came every day at this point. Embarrassment hit her and she hid her face.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Don’t apologize,” said Riku, whose eyes were watering as well.

“I cry every day,” said Arata.

“Me too,” said Shiona.

“Me too,” said Rin and Kai in unison.

Kureha held out her hands and they all came together as a group. Soon they were all quietly crying as the grief of a world collapsing and a life robbed from them and billions of others washed over them in its daily reminder that its cruelty was inescapable.

“And it just had to pick my next birthday to fucking end everything?!” laughed Kureha with a sniffle.

They all laughed.

“Yeah, well in a bit of humor, those are aaaaaaactually funeral flowers, I just thought they looked pretty,” said Shiona with a laugh.

Everyone laughed and wiped their eyes.

“I thought so, but I didn’t care because they were so beautiful,” laughed Kureha.

Laughter continued after that and the tears faded for the most part. It wasn’t uncommon to occasionally look over and see at least one person wiping their eye at some point through the evening, as was also the case with the broader world whenever Kureha went into public.

Snacks were eaten. Drinks were drunk. Games were played as retro music blared. Kureha took several opportunities to soak in the moment, as there was a high probability that next year would not have any festivities. Behind them, the television stayed on, still muted, as it projected the official countdown timer. 364 days, 4 hours, 17 minutes, and 22 seconds left.

21 seconds.

20 seconds.

Kureha couldn’t help but feel the countdown’s crushing weight drifting over their brief moment of lightness.

As the peaceful joy and solemn acceptance permeated her observation, she glanced at the knife and couldn’t help but admit the ugly truth to them.

“I… I’ve been debating killing myself. Every day for like two or three weeks now. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all…” Kureha admitted as she fumbled with her shirt sleeve.

Their laughter tapered and Kai cleared his throat. Riku’s gaze briefly flickered upwards to the support beam. Shiona and Rin softly reached for her as Arata instinctively turned the television off.

“I’ve been putting a knife to my wrist. Debating. There was never a real draw or desire, it just became this thing I did. I’m sorry. I didn’t think of all of you.”

Shiona shifted her turtleneck slightly as she started to speak then stopped. Riku nodded.

“I’ve thought about it, too.” Arata sheepishly admitted.

Rin took his hand and agreed.

“Me too. I’m afraid. I’ve been having these crushing panic attacks every day,” she murmured.

Kai moved to sit closer to the circle and let his hand rest on Riku’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, all of you. I’m sorry I had to leave for so long. I cried so many nights, just wanting this again.”

Riku’s fingers found his.

“I’ve missed this, too. I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took such a horrible, horrible thing for us to all get together again.”

It was true: in the years after Kureha’s mom died and Kai moved away, the group dynamic had slowly faded. Arata was always with Rin and Shiona. Riku had been quiet for a long time, but when they reached high school, he eventually joined those three. Kureha was the one who had drifted away.

There was a sadness to her that had pulled her away from the shore and set her adrift in the choppy waters of her lost spirit. For a while, they swam out after her to try to bring her back, and in so many ways, she wanted to reach out to them. But for whatever reason, she didn’t. Instead, the currents of grief had pulled her further and further into a period of isolation. That was what high school had been for her. And now, it was almost too late.

As Kureha looked at her five true friends, who she had once known so much joy with, she found herself wanting as much time as possible with them. Shame, regret, confusion, and longing all rushed through her veins as she looked at Shiona.

“I’m so sorry,” she whimpered as the tears returned.

Shiona’s palm met her cheek.

“We’re here now, all together again,” she said as she wiped Kureha’s cheek dry.

No matter what had happened or what was to come, in that exact moment, they were all back together. Kureha wanted to memorialize it.

“I’d like to take a picture, if that’s okay,” she asked.

“Birthday shot! But not that kind!” Kai cheered.

“Birthday shot!” Rin cheered.

“Birthday shot! Birthday shot!” everyone cheered as Kureha rose to retrieve her camera from her bedroom.

When she left, Rin allowed herself to cry a little more. Arata rubbed her back as Shiona blinked her own eyes dry. Kai’s jaw shifted left to right as he tried to clear his mind. Riku’s eyes returned to the beam once again.

Footsteps told them Kureha was returning and they all brightened up, mostly sincerely, and cheered as she reentered with camera in hand and medium range lens attached.

“Our photographer!” Riku clapped.

“I was going to be a hell of a photojournalist,” Kureha attempted to laugh as she mounted the body to her tripod.

“Okay, everyone together and smile for me! Three, two-“

“Kureha?” Rin snorted.

“Get in the picture you dork!” Kai ordered.

“Yeah, uhhhh it’s a weird birthday shot if the birthday girl isn’t there,” Arata laughed.

Riku and Shiona held out their hands.

For whatever reason, Kureha still felt like she didn’t deserve their embrace, yet this time, she finally decided to swim to them. Even if the current was still pulling her away in her mind, she found herself wanting to fight it to be with them at least a little longer. So she set the camera timer then activated the countdown mode.

It was the only countdown of the night that she didn’t mind.

Six sets of hands found one another.

“Five!”

Laughs sounded out and were as familiar as that home itself.

“Four!”

Kureha was in the center and hoped the aperture was correct enough to capture the proper lighting.

“Three!”

Rin and Shiona kissed her cheeks from both sides, which prompted the boys to join them. Soon, five pairs of lips were against her head or angled in her direction.

“Two!”

Tears formed and no one wanted to blink them away. Tears and smiles would have to find ways to coexist in these remaining days.

“One!”

“Thank you, all of you,” Kureha whispered as the lens clicked.

“Woo!!” they all cheered in unison.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KUREHA!!!” they all shouted.

Kai jumped up to bring the camera to the group. All six of them bunched together to look at their image in the small view finder. It was slightly off center, and somewhat dim, but the expressions were clear and defined. Everyone was looking at Kureha, who was tearfully smiling at the camera, mid word, lips parted.

It was perfect.

Touch registered and Kureha realized Shiona and Riku were holding her arms. A new sadness built in Kureha’s chest and for a moment, she hoped the world would simply end right then, while they were all happy. If it was all going to collapse, maybe going out right now wouldn’t be terrible. Kureha shook the thought away and looked to her friends.

“Could everyone sleep over tonight?” she proposed to the group.

They all paused. Riku smirked.

“We planned on it, just in case you wanted.”

“Futons are in the car!” said Rin.

“You always did like sleepovers,” said Kai.

By the time Kureha’s father had returned home, futons had been brought inside and more snacks had been opened. He didn’t protest the guests and barely spoke as he ate his dinner without changing. The group of friends rotated outside to the back yard to look at the skyline in the distance.

“So, Kureha, what’s your birthday wish?” asked Rin.

“Swing for the fence in case this is your last one,” said Shiona.

Kureha pondered her thoughts from the day and all that she’d felt in the last few weeks. What would she want if this was to be her last birthday, and her last spring, summer, autumn, and winter? The breeze on her skin was cool as she closed her eyes.

“I…I wish I could go see The Calamity with my own eyes…” she answered, slightly embarrassed.

No one spoke at first.

“I… I’ve wanted to see it too,” answered Arata.

“Me too,” said Riku.

Kai and Rin nodded. Shiona smiled.

“What were you thinking for getting there?” asked Shiona.

“I don’t know… From what I’ve heard, planes aren’t really flying anymore. Maybe a train route? I’m not sure. It’s just my initial thought,” Kureha answered.

“Well, how about a road trip? We still have Sayane…” chimed Rin.

“Aw, your purple van?” Kai sighed.

Arata nodded as Rin perked up.

“Sayane can hold six people for sure if we pack light,” chimed Rin.

“Road trip?” asked Kureha.

Riku clapped.

“Yeah! One last road trip? Across Japan and to the end of the world…”