Gone With The Wind

"Do you really not care, Kinoshita Kazuha?"

Her voice struck my ears like an ice pick, but I didn't bother looking at her. I just sat there at my desk, penciling in the last bit of my chemistry homework.

"What am I supposed to be caring about exactly?"

"Oh, I don't know. How about the fact that I literally cheated on you right to your face? And yet, you're just gonna sit there and act like you're fine with all that?"

"Who says I'm acting?"

I didn't spare her a glance. Just kept my eyes forward, wherever that was.

My homework? I'm just doodling on the side at this point.

The desk? Nothing interesting there either.

Nothing? Probably. I always did have a bad habit of spacing out.

"Are you... being serious right now?" she muttered.

"For the last time, yes, I am. I'm tired, and I have a lot to catch up on because you decided to drag me along to that party last minute."

"...Hah. You're unbelievable, you know that? You were always like this. Never giving a damn about school, me, or even yourself. Are you actually even doing your homework right now? Or are you just giving yourself an excuse not to look me in the eye?"

"Maybe a bit of both."

"Tch... Some things never change, huh?"

With a sigh, I lowered the pen onto the desk with an audible tap.

"I don't think you get to have a say in that matter, Kimura Junko."

"Why is that? Aren't you the one who stopped caring about the relationship? Aren't you the one who reduced your replies to one word? Aren't you the one who stopped giving a shit when I tried to keep us together?"

"Me...? I'm the one who stopped caring?! You're the one who went around fucking with other guys! And it just so happens that I find out about one. One instance. Out of how many? Huh, Junko?"

"Don't misunderstand, Kazuha. You're blowing this way out of proportion. So, I got a little too drunk sometimes. Is that supposed to be my fault?"

"It very much is when you're trying to use it as an excuse. Why didn't you just break up with me first? Why couldn't you have just... Just...!"

I feel it. My head's spiraling. Anymore of this, and I might pass out.

"Get out, Junko. Just... get the fuck out."

She didn't leave right away. She made sure to glare at me first, then turned to leave, but not without slamming the door shut.

For a while, I just sat there, blanking out. A few seconds turned into a few minutes. A few minutes turned into an hour. By the time I came to, it was already midnight.

My head hurts. I don't have the mental capacity to do homework. Should I go for a walk?

Just then, a thunderous boom echoed across the sky.

It's going to rain... but I don't care.

I stood from my seat, grabbing an umbrella on my way out the door. As soon as I made it outside, it was already pouring.

I lifted my hand, collecting the water in my palm. Even though I had an umbrella, I didn't use it. I just let myself get drenched.

As I walked through the dormitory courtyard, my mind went numb. The world around me blurred into a haze.

Is it because of the rain? Or is it something else entirely?

Even as I ask myself that question, I already know the answer. I can say all I want that I don't care, but the truth is that I do.

Junko's words tore apart what little I had left. There was nothing left to say, no fight left in me. Just the deafening silence of my own inadequacy.

I could feel my thoughts, once clear, now distorting beyond recognition. The overwhelming sense of worthlessness that I tried so hard to bury came rushing back, much like the rain that I was hoping would drown me.

Words that I used to repeat to myself over and over again were now swirling in my head like a restless storm.

"It wasn't my fault."

It's true, isn't it? How could I have known that all of this would happen — that Junko felt this way all along?

No... I did know. That's the problem. I could've done more to stop it from happening. I could've put in more effort, and maybe... I could've fixed our relationship before it fell apart.

And so, those same words swirled again, twisting and reshaping, as if to tell me the exact opposite of what I'd been telling myself.

"It was my fault."

Thunk.

I stopped at that sound.

My head turned to see a soda can slowly rolling on the sidewalk, a hint of orange conjoining the flooded ground. Right next to it was a pair of legs. And those legs... belonged to a young woman sitting on a bench beneath a maple tree.

Even amid the heavy rain, her appearance was as clear as day.

Her straight mahogany-brown hair fell to her hips, drenched yet silky smooth. It almost seemed like someone had plucked the petals from a cherry blossom and embedded them within her large eyes.

Someone like her should be having a sleepover or going out to karaoke with her friends... So why is it that she's here, alone at midnight under a stormy sky with such a downcast face?

Not like it's any of my business.

And yet, I stopped only after a few steps. There was still an umbrella in my hand, and I wasn't using it.

"...Dammit. I'm really doing this, aren't I?"

Unfolding the umbrella, I took the corner at the intersection until I reached the bench. Then, I held it over her head.

Her eyes twitched when she noticed that the rain had supposedly stopped. That was when she looked up and saw me.

"What's with you, huh? Did someone cheat on you, too?"

She didn't answer, not that I blamed her. If someone were to come up to me like this, I wouldn't know what to say either.

"Well... It's not my place to pry. Here. At least take this.

Again, she didn't answer. Didn't even take the umbrella when I lowered it for her.

"Hey. Come on. My hand's getting tired."

"A-ah..."

Reluctantly, she lifted a hand and grabbed the bottom of the handle.

With that, I let go and walked away without another word. That was probably for the better. Any more than that, and I might come off as a creep. I only have a year left till graduation. Best to stay out of trouble.