4.2 Driving Lessons: Who will teach me?

Even though Li Wei had agreed that buying a car was wasteful, he could not get the idea out of his head. He thought about it for a week and then thought some more. I mean, it would surely be an advantage if they had a car, right? An Mei could still take the bus when she wanted, but occasionally, when she needed to get somewhere quickly, he could drop her off. Or when it's raining heavily, he could go pick her up. Perhaps sometimes they could go on long drives and watch the sunset; that would be so romantic. Maybe they didn't need a car now, but what about four or five years in the future? What about when they have a kid? It would be much easier and safer if they had a car then. As more time passed, owning a car seemed like an extremely good idea to Li Wei, and he began wondering why he hadn't already done it. And then, one afternoon, while grading papers in his office at the university, Li Wei saw an ad for the Dragon S6. It was an SUV manufactured by one of the Wu Long group subsidiaries. It was grey and had a cozy look to it. The advertisement said that it was the perfect family vehicle, and it was also environmentally friendly on account of it being an EV. The ad also mentioned that there was a 20 percent discount right now, and it was a limited-time offer. Li Wei, who was already fantasizing about going on a road trip with An Mei and their nonexistent twin daughters while the girls kept marveling at his driving skills, needed no further encouragement. He bought the car. He placed the order without any hesitation, like he was getting pizza delivered. The car promptly arrived a week later when An Mei had gone out for lunch with Li Na and Li Hua. Li Wei decided to keep it a secret for now and let it remain in the apartment complex parking lot, hoping to surprise An Mei with the reveal. But there was still one big problem: Li Wei still could not drive.

The car sat in the parking lot for a few days while Li Wei thought about enrolling for a driving class. But none of the classes seemed to fit Li Wei's needs. Some were too early, others were too late, a few of the instructors looked too scary, and the rest did not look scary enough. He was always able to pick out some issue and managed to talk himself out of signing up. Finally, after a week of procrastination, Li Wei decided that it would be best to find an instructor closer to home. So, he decided to call his sisters. Here are the transcripts from those calls.

Attempt 1 (Li Fen):

Skill Level: Hasn't driven in ages. Has drivers.

Li Wei: Hello? Da-jie.

Li Fen: Xiao-Wei? What's going on?

Li Wei: Da-jie, can you teach me to drive?

Li Fen: Drive? Why the sudden interest in driving?

Li Wei: Umm... I recently got a car...

Li Fen: I know.

Li Wei: Ohh! I... I wanted to drive Mei around, so I bought the car. But, as you know, I never learned to drive.

Li Fen: Sorry Xiao-Wei, I am very busy these days, but I can hire an excellent driving instructor for you. Would that be okay?

Li Wei: No, it's alright, Da-jie. I expected that you might be busy. I will ask the others and see if anybody is free.

Li Fen: Sorry again, Wei'er. But if you start learning, be safe, alright?

Li Wei: I will, Jie. Talk to you later. Bye-bye. Ohh, and by the way, can you keep the car a secret from Mei for now? I want it to be a surprise for her.

Li Fen: Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Take care, dear.

Attempt 2 (Li Hua):

Skill Level: Expert driver. Doesn't let anyone else drive her around.

Li Wei: Jie?

Li Hua: Xiao-Wei, why are you calling in the middle of the day? Don't you have lectures?

Li Wei: It's lunch break now, Jie.

(Indistinct sounds could be heard in the background from Li Hua's side. Someone was saying, "Ms. Li... the deposition tomorrow... please...")

Li Hua: Excuse me for a moment, Xiao-Wei.

(Li Hua, in a tone that brooked no disagreement, yelled, "Be quiet. I am on an important call.")

Li Hua: Go ahead, what's this about?

Li Wei: Jie, are you busy? I can call later.

Li Hua: No, no, it's nothing important. Tell me why you called.

Li Wei: Okay. So, I was thinking of learning to drive.

Li Hua: Finally! That's a great decision you have made, Xiao-Wei. You should have learned to drive years ago, but Da-jie told me not to force you to learn. Now that you have finally woken up, I assume you want me as your instructor?

Li Wei: Umm... Yes?!

Li Hua: Perfect. So this is what we are going to do. I will pick you up tomorrow at 4 in the morning. We will go to my estate and do a 10 km run. After that, we will go through my high-intensity training regimen for about two hours. Since you are a beginner, won't do the full four-hour version. After that...

Li Wei: Jie, when are we going to drive?

Li Hua: Driving? You need to get yourself ready before even attempting to touch the steering wheel. Considering how out of shape you are, it will take at least two months until you are prepared. But don't worry; I will be with you every step of the way and make sure that you don't miss a single day of workout. So, this is how the training...

Li Wei: Jie, sorry, my students are calling me; I have to go. I don't think driving is for me. Bye-bye.

Li Hua: Xiao-Wei? Hello? Don't you dare run away. Boy, are you there?

(After hanging up, Li Wei received five calls from Li Hua, which he wisely did not pick up.)

Attempt 3 (Li Na):

Skill Level: Good driver; safest in the family.

Li Na: Weiwei, what's up?

Li Wei: Jie, I got a car.

Li Na: Really? How come? Are you guys finally planning on getting a driver?

Li Wei: No. I just want to drive Mei around.

Li Na: That's so sweet. But Xiao-Wei, when did you learn to drive?

Li Wei: I didn't, Jie. That's why I called you. Can you please teach me?

Li Na: I would love to, dear. But, during the next three weeks, I will be in Switzerland, visiting our branch there. If you want me to teach you, it might not be possible until next month.

Li Wei: Ohh. I wanted to learn it sooner. I wanted to surprise Mei with the car.

Li Na: Sorry, Weiwei.

Li Wei: It's okay, Jie. I will ask the others.

Li Na: Take care while driving around, okay?

Li Wei: I will. And Jie...

Li Na: Yes?

Li Wei: Hua-jie knows about me trying to learn driving. Can you please ask her to keep it a secret?

Li Na: I will. But why didn't you tell her yourself?

Li Wei: She started yelling at me after I rejected her teaching style.

(Li Na's soft laughter could be heard from her end.)

Li Na: I will ask her. Don't worry.

Li Wei: Thanks, Jie. And good luck on your Swiss trip.

Li Na: Thank you, Weiwei. Take care.

Attempt 4 (Li Jing):

Skill Level: Can't drive, doesn't plan on driving, ever. But everyone thinks she is an expert.

Li Wei: Hello? Jie?

Li Jing: Weiwei!! How is my favorite brother doing today?

Li Wei: Jie, I am your only brother.

Li Jing: Exactly! And you are my favorite. It's been so long since I saw you, and you finally decided to call your poor sister.

Li Wei: We saw each other just two days ago at dinner.

Li Jing: I know, sweetie. Two whole days! I missed you and Meimei so much. How is my cute sister-in-law?

Li Wei: She is doing well, just like two days ago. I am actually calling because of her.

Li Jing: Really? What's going on? Is Meimei sick? Should I send doctors over?

Li Wei: No, she isn't sick.

Li Jing: Did she start questioning why she married you? You poor baby, don't worry; let me tell you how to convince her not to leave you.

Li Wei: What?! No! I bought a car so that I can drive Mei around.

Li Jing: Oh my god! That's so cute. You are becoming a responsible adult. I might cry. Wait, I think I already am.

Li Wei: Jie, can you teach me to drive?

Li Jing: Drive? Do you want me to hire you a driver?

Li Wei: No. I want to learn to drive. Can you teach me?

Li Jing: Teach you? Weiwei, I don't know how to drive.

Li Wei: Wait! What?! But...you were on the ad for the car I bought. You had a husband and children and everything.

Li Jing: Yeah. And I am in a thousand other ads. Did you forget who your big sister is?

Li Wei: You were driving in the ad.

Li Jing: I only sat in the car for a minute. The rest of it was just green screen and stunt doubles.

Li Wei: But you own so many cars!

Li Jing: And I have people to drive me around in each one of them. Have you ever seen me driving for real?

Li Wei: But...but...yeah, you are, right. I can't believe for all these years I thought you could drive.

Li Jing: Do you want me to get you an instructor, Weiwei? Or maybe another car? Which one did you buy?

Li Wei: The Dragon S6.

Li Jing: It's an SUV, right? Don't worry, I will get you a Ferrari.

Li Wei: Jie, I don't need a Ferrari. The SUV is perfect for me and Mei.

Li Jing: Should I send one of my girls over to teach you?

LI Wei: No, I will ask someone else.

Li Jing: Sorry, sweetie. If you want something else, call me, alright?

Li Wei: I will, Jie. Thanks. And please don't tell Mei about the car or the driving lessons. It will be a surprise for her.

Li Jing: That's so sweet. Don't worry, Weiwei, I'll keep your secret. But in return you have to film Meimei's reaction and send it to me, okay?

Li Wei: I will. Bye-bye, Jie.

Attempt 5 (Li Yue):

Skill Level: Fantastic driver. But banned from driving on real roads by Li Fen for multiple speed limit violations. Only allowed to drive on race tracks and in video games.

Li Wei: Jie? Hello?

Li Yue: Weiwei. Wait a minute, let me finish this boss fight.

Li Wei: Which one are you doing?

Li Yue: Heavenly Dragon.

Li Wei: Doesn't that need at least three people?

Li Yue: For you, maybe.

Li Wei: You promised to beat that boss with me.

Li Yue: I will. But its loot drop frequency changes if you beat it solo.

Li Wei: Shouldn't you be working, Jie? Why are you playing games?

Li Yue: It's lunch break.

Li Wei: Hua-jie was working.

Li Yue: So?

Li Wei: If you don't stop playing, I will tell her that you were playing games in the office.

Li Yue: Bro. Don't be a snitch.

Li Wei: Then share the loot with me.

Li Yue: Alright, alright. Wait a minute.

(Two minutes later.)

Li Yue: Finally!

Li Wei: Did you beat it?

Li Yue: Yeah. I will send you two Divine Dragon Bones. You can use that to craft spells for your mage.

Li Wei: Five.

Li Yue: Three.

Li Wei: Four.

Li Yue: Three, plus a dragon teeth necklace.

Li Wei: Deal.

(A few moments later...)

Li Yue: I sent it to your account. So, why did you call?

Li Wei: Ahh, that. Jie, can you teach me to drive?

Li Yue: Why? You weren't interested before.

Li Wei: I bought a car.

(Sound of laughing could be heard from Li Yue's side.)

Li Yue: You bought a car without knowing how to drive?

Li Wei: Don't laugh, Jie. It was for a good reason. I bought it so that I could drive Mei around.

Li Yue: All right, all right. Even though you steal my loot, I will teach you for Meimei's sake.

Li Wei: Thanks Jie. I knew I could count on you.

Li Yue: Don't worry, Weiwei. When I'm done with you, you will be drifting all over Tianjing.

Li Wei: I don't want to drift. It's an SUV.

Li Yue: So what? You can drift in an SUV.

(Suddenly, the conversation was interrupted by the ringing of another phone.)

Li Yue: Wait a minute. It's Da-jie.

(Li Yue picked up the other phone. "Hello, Da-jie," she said. "Umm...yes...yeah...but...okay...hmm..." And then the call ended.)

Li Wei: What was that?

Li Yue: That, little brother, was a permaban. Da-jie told me I am not allowed to teach you. Apparently, my driving style is too unsafe.

Li Wei: What? Then what am I going to do? I asked everyone.

Li Yue: Did you ask Jingjing?

Li Wei: Ohh! Yeah. I will ask her. And Jie, the car is a secret, okay? Please don't tell Mei.

Li Yue: Then send me back two dragon bones.

Li Wei: But...

Li Yue: Or else, I will text Meimei right now.

Li Wei: Okay, okay. Sending it. Please don't text her.

Li Yue: And the shadow mage robes you got last week.

Li Wei: I am using it on my character.

Li Yue: The text is ready to go.

Li Wei: No, please. I will send the robes.

With that last phone call, Li Wei's hope of getting one of his sisters to instruct him withered and died a miserable death. But Li Yue's final suggestion had given him a new hope. There was another person he could ask, his only real friend in the world who was not his wife or sister, and who also happened to be his 18-year-old sister-in-law, An Jing.

Skill Level: Unknown. Owns a bicycle.