4.3 Driving Lessons: The Monkey Whisperer

Li Wei texted An Jing and asked her whereabouts. She told him that she was at the big tree next to the biology department. The professor set off immediately, eager to get himself a driving instructor before the lunch break was over.

It was only a five-minute walk from the physics department to the biology department. When he arrived at his destination, he found An Jing squatting in front of the big tree, feeding peanuts to the campus monkeys. Mei Lin was also there, sitting at a safe distance and reading a book.

Mei Lin was the first to notice him. She simply nodded and said, “Professor.”

“Hello, Mei Lin,” Li Wei greeted her. “What are you reading?”

“It’s a novel I found in the library.”

“Is it Korean?”

“Yeah. I have been trying to learn it recently. So I thought this might be good practice. Do you know Korean, professor?”

“He knows, like, a thousand languages, Linlin,” An Jing said without turning around.

“Not thousand, just sixteen,” corrected a slightly proud Li Wei.

“Yeah, yeah. Stop bothering Linlin, Jie-fu. Come here and feed the monkeys with me.”

“Is that safe?” Li Wei asked, concerned about his ability to handle a large group of primates.

“Of course. Once you get to know them, they are all just big softies.”

Li Wei took a few tentative steps towards the monkeys. But the group of large males who were staring at him like Li Hua in a bad mood made him rethink his decision.

“Jingjing, they are glaring at me. I don’t think they like me,” he complained.

“Don’t worry. They are always like that with strangers. Once they see that you are not a threat, they will ease off,” An Jing assured him.

“Alright. I will trust you.”

Li Wei took a few more steps. The staring did not stop, but they did not attack him either. The professor slowly and safely made his way towards his sister-in-law and squatted down next to her.

An Jing gave her brother-in-law a handful of peanuts and then picked up the smallest monkey in the group and placed him in front of Li Wei.

The little monkey looked at Li Wei like he was a curiously big banana, the little monkey’s mother glared at Li Wei like he was her mate’s mistress, and Li Wei looked at An Jing in panic.

“Don’t worry about her, Jie-fu; she won’t do anything. Just hold out your hand, and he will take the peanuts from you.”

Li Wei did as he was commanded. At first the little monkey gave him a confused look, but then it started picking up the nuts from his hands and started eating them one by one.

“Heh, he is eating. Jingjing, did you see? He is eating.”

“I know. Isn’t it cute?”

“Yeah. He is so small. Just like Bobo when he was little.”

They continued feeding the monkeys. An Jing handled the bigger monkeys, while Li Wei focused on his one small monkey.

“So, why did you text me? You said you had something to ask.”

“Yes. Jingjing, do you know how to drive?”

“Yep. Anything between one wheel and eighteen wheels.”

“What?! Eighteen wheels? You mean like a truck?”

“Yeah.”

“When did you learn to drive a truck?”

“In middle school. There was this truck stop a little way from our house. I would hang out with the drivers there. They used to let me drive until city limits.”

“Didn’t your parents say anything?”

“They didn’t know. I used to run around the neighborhood all the time. My parents probably thought I was at a friend’s house, like I told them. Don’t tell my sister, okay? She might have a heart attack.”

“But what about the police?”

“If we saw a cop, we would change seats, and then I would pretend to be the daughter who is on a road trip with her dad.”

Li Wei looked at his sister-in-law with a mix of slight awe and mild terror. The little monkey, having had enough of the peanuts, used this distraction to jump on Li Wei’s hands and climb onto his shoulders.

“Jingjing, he is on me,” Li Wei shrieked.

A laughing An Jing quickly steadied her brother-in-law and said, “It’s okay, Wei-ge. He likes you. He is just looking for lice.”

The little monkey sat on the professor’s shoulders and started grooming his hair.

“I don’t have any lice. I use shampoo.”

“He doesn’t know that, Jie-fu; he is a monkey. Why are you scared anyway? You let Bobo climb all over you all the time.”

“Well, I have known Bobo since he was a baby. And Na-jie won’t rip out my throat if I make a mistake.”

“Fair point. Just stay still, and let him do his thing.”

After assurances from An Jing, Li Wei finally relaxed and let the little monkey occupy itself with grooming him.

“So, Jie-fu, why are you asking about driving?”

“I bought a car.”

“A car? Why? Your apartment is like a 10-minute walk away.”

“It’s for Mei. I thought maybe we could go for drives, and you know, for the future.”

“When you have babies, you mean?” An Jing teased.

“Yeah… something like that,” said a slightly flustered Li Wei. “So I wanted to ask if you can teach me.”

“Sure.”

“But Jingjing, it’s an SUV. Isn’t it very different from a truck?”

“I can drive an SUV. Mei Lin’s mom’s car is an SUV. I have driven that thing a lot.”

Li Wei looked at Mei Lin, who nodded her head without taking her eyes off the book, confirming An Jing’s story.

“But mine is an EV. Do you know how to drive one of those?”

“Yeah. Yue-jie lets me drive her cars. Some of them are EVs. It’s much easier to drive, and it will be easier for you to learn.”

“Really?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“So, can you teach me?”

“Of course. But you know that my help isn’t free, Jie-fu.”

“I know. I was thinking…”

“Wei-ge, look, the monkey fell asleep on your shoulder.”

“What?!”

“Don’t move. He might fall down. Linlin, quick, take a photo of this. This is so cute.”

Mei Lin picked up her phone and captured the sweet moment with the sleeping little monkey and an awkward-looking Li Wei.

“Send it to my sister,” An Jing said to Mei Lin.

“Done.”

“Mei Lin, you just gave my wife and sisters enough material to tease me for a month,” said Li Wei, resigning himself to his fate.

Mei Lin simply smiled and went back to her book.

“Let me take him off of you Jie-fu. Hold still.”

Once the little monkey was safely back with his mother, the discussion once again turned to driving.

“So, we were talking about my fee.”

“Yes. How about three months of chicken sandwiches from the cafeteria?”

“That’s a good offer, but I am bored of the cafeteria sandwich. I want coffee.”

“From the cafeteria?”

“No. You saw the new cafe that opened near the university?”

“Yeah. Me and Mei, we went there yesterday.”

“It’s good, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It was good coffee.”

“I want a coupon for three months of free coffee from that shop.”

“Okay.”

“And, I want two Divine Dragon bones. I want to craft a new sword for my barbarian.”

“But, I only have one Divine Dragon bone.”

“Jie-fu, don’t lie. Yue-jie already texted me about scamming you out of your shadow mage robes. I know she gave you one Divine Dragon bone, and you already had one before. Give me those two.”

“But, I was thinking of crafting a new spell.”

“Which is more important? Spell, or my sister?”

“Alright, fine,” said a defeated Li Wei. “Coffee coupon, and two Divine Dragon bones.”

“And…”

“There is more?”

“Of course. In order to teach you, I have to spend my precious early mornings. Time, which I could be spending in my bed.”

“Alright… What more do you need?”

“From now on, whenever we are eating together, I get dibs on the drumstick.”

“What?…whenever? You mean, forever?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s not for a limited time?”

“No. Think about it, Jie-fu. Drumsticks? Or, taking my sister on a long romantic drive?”

“Fine, fine. I accept.”

“I knew we would come to an agreement.”

“But Jingjing. It should be a secret, okay?”

“Why?”

“I want to surprise Mei once I have learned to drive.”

“Cute. Don’t worry, Jie-fu, my lips are sealed.”