OMOIDE/MEMORIES.

The scene around me is less of a true forest and more like a if a forest were made up of cherry blossoms and trees that have blood for sap,that very sap is crying or wailing or hissing in furious rage saying awful things.

Things I would have never thought I even  in my own worst rage could have thought impossible to consider,not even once but I am seeing my own lives play out before my eyes.

My first life was really the same in almost all ways except I watch my own memory of being run over,how the impact fast as it was I had a moment that before GOD put me into shock to bear with my pain I felt my whole body break from impact.
How I didn't even get to cry as I landed onto the ground,I just watched as I was broken,watching that very driver flee from his own crime.

I don't even think I prayed except to ask my family to be okay to GOD,I was so calm strangely.

Next thing I see is my life playing as before except I see my Grandmothers final days,the funeral and everything as I have known it,been familiar with until the day I left to get supplies for dad....

I watch it happen before my eyes how one second I am me on my bike and the next I am wearing a fine kimono and running like I could not run fast enough as renegade Shinsengumi are chasing me,pulling at my robes leaving me almost naked on my bottom half.

It makes me shake still remembering how they made me feel like I was just a piece of meat that day,those I almost reveried to my own folly.

I see Noroi appear as he had with me in this time period except when after he spoke I and he had a different beginning moment.

I felt it,I even feel how another person felt it as deeply as I did but now I can see it clearly what occurred.

What was like a perfect meeting to me was even more so to her as well,Noroi has no idea this occurred or else he would realized what I do now.
The body I was in the first time I came to this time is Kikos,somehow I must have gotten her body when Grandmother sent me back before she learned how to make it be to myself again.

We are not related,that I saw through all of Grandmothers memories so it can not be a generational connection so how come I ended up in her body,sharing it?

"That child was only meant to be in her line as a breeding horse and she knew it nothing more.She was to be married that day when the shogunate forces attacked that village to Tennami,she already knew of his rough ways but cared not at all.She had no rescuer or hero,but that day she had your fire to run in her that she hadn't before in her true life,she had a rescuer that she had not in her true life and moreover the connection that is purely spiritual happened to her but was not to her.That young man connected to your heart and your spirit,not to hers,yet your grandmother punished her for what she did to you in the second return she did for you...."

I watch that one too,after things were like a lovely samurai romance film in the first life I had here in kikos body I understand how she came to hate me so much and adored Noroi.

He loved me but to her it was as if she felt that love being aimed at her so every fight in the war,every return to tend his wounds and every physical moment that happens when one married to someone they love and adore deeply she felt it all.

Next time,my Grandmother learned how to correct her mistake,now although Noroi saved her as well in the next life I was the one still he connected to,not her.
He married me,not her.
All the memories of love and war even a child she still had but he did not,it was all as new to him as it ever was until after that life of mine ended.

My grandmother hated her for what she did to me,Kiko was still so full of the happiness she felt living a life of helping heal the wounded,love and a life that she knew she would not have after marrying Tennami.
All of it proved so enraging for her,enough so that she took my daughter from my arms and ran to our crimson well and I still heavy with our second child,a boy,could not reach her quickly.

Nor fight her off well at all so she easily kept me at a distance for fear that she will drop Aya into the well,she waited for my love for hours until he returned from working a field.

His fighting instinct never abated after the war ended,nor did his speed slack but she gave no recourse after she pleaded for him to be with her and the children to be gone and I too.

He had no choice,our children both lived in this life but i was gashed so much so that our son fell out of me and Noroi had to leave my body behind and carry our son in his hakama by his heart to keep him warm as it was deep into winter.
I saw no more of him before I died again and back to my life only to return again and again except after four more times...

I started to remember both that me and me now.

Memories are flooding now without the help of whatever the crimson woman is doing to me here.