Broken hearts,right hook,truth frees while love has slept.

Eriika is beaming when I get to the restaurtant,she looks at me with those doe like eyes that are brimming with love.
An affection she admitted she nor I felt immediately at all towards each other but proximity happened to us,months of hanging out at a book store because I had no where else to go with dad at work almost sixteen hours a day for most of the year after Grandpa passed and mom still barely able to tend to Grandma who did not want me there to help take care of her.

She thought somehow I abandoned my Grandpa that day i was late,ever since she refuses my care at all.

So I was idle except to cook which I am terrible at,so that was our great origin.
A poor meet cute to be completely honest.

But nonetheless,her eyes are beaming as she runs towards me evading every table like a skilled parkour runner until she reaches me.

It still touches me so deeply how a lovely princess of a girl like her who could have her pick of any better tempered,hotter and funnier guy than me yet every chance she gets she is by my side and I feel so confused now.

I should be thanking GOD that I have this dream of a girl that  loves my every step as she does but I feel what I shouldn't now.

Grateful to GOD that the very girl I have been waiting on so much and so hard for is where I can see her,find her,hear her but I let myself give up on because I was scared and faithless that I wouldn't find her,ever.

Never,ever.

"Why have you been doing this the whole night?We can't sit here forever,I need you to help me get my bags to your car for the trip!"

Her eyes are like big hearts that turn into question marks then lastly morphing into concerned brow furrowing as our quick meal of beef donburi comes to an end and I buy her our favorite mochi.

"I am lost Riika....I had no idea what was going to happen today.I just wanted to help you get that bread you wanted so bad,prep for our trip like we planned.I just wanted a normal date and a fun weekend."

Her body language is becoming so tight and her voice clipped.

"Did you find her?Is that what you are trying to say but not say because you feel bad."

I told her when we first met about this thread,how I would never take it off because I felt like I couldn't truthfully and I had no desire to.
We both knew I was always going to have Kokoro in my heart but I lost any faith it would every even happen to see each other again so I entertained hope to love someone else and I do,I love Eriika but....
I am not in love with her,I always told her so and she said so to me but lately it has become much more intense on her end and to be honest?

It is intoxicating to have a woman love you so intensely,enough that it makes you forget things into back burner parts of your brain until a reminder throws a loaf of bread at your head.

"Wow,I asked you to go to find a bakery and some bread for me only to meet dream girl and break up with me eh...."

I want to say no.
Of course not.
I am excited to go on our two months back planned trip to Okinawa and play on the beach like we never got to in our lives.

I want to say all of that but I want to be honest,we deserve that.
She,Eriika,deserves that.

"I feel like an idiot,here I am with a sunflower skirt wearing princess that looks at me like I am a j idol star perfect and thinks I am adorable meanwhile I finally see my red thread half and I....I can't let her go or the feeling.It isn't fair how this feels...."
"No it isn't,it isn't fair that my usually not conceited and not too bad looking boyfriend is here with me still sharing ice cream and a meal arguing with himself over a truth he knew he felt for a decade and told me clearly on the day I confessed to you.It is bad timing but I am not so much surprised as I am sad but...we agreed that I would not stop you if your heart called you,likewise for me but my end still remains so...when and where do you want it?"

I am dreading this,I look around me as we are walking the fair and nearing the parking lot to get to my car and decide here I guess is okay.
Not like I am popular enough for this to be a loss of character to anyone and I feel like I deserve this a bit.

"Face,not the nose pleas-OW!"

Eriika smirks,cupping her hand as she holds back a whimper.
She slugs me with a right hook to the jaw.

Our agreement was she could give me one nasty punch and I could get all the food and sweets I could want for a whole day if her dream boat came first.

Why did I agree for a boxers daughter to punch me out for a pre break up punishment?

"Feel better now?"

I don't,I feel like a jerk and a pig but I can't let her go,not unless I know for sure.
Not unless I know she,Kokoro can love me or not.

"No,I don't.I love you for too many reasons and it is a pity we can't see what will become of them but I always knew it.You were never mine as much as I was yours,but you truly never lied to me.You could have taken me to Okinawa as planned,could have had me completely like I wanted so much to,I thought you did as well but perhaps you did before yesterday...That is what I get for sending a guy to a bakery.Note to self 'Never send hot boyfriends to bakeries.'

At least though her eyes are pained,so are mine and my jaw too.
We both can smirk at this part.

We never once lied to each other,in a way I hope that our relationship can go beyond this.I do not want her gone but I...I just know I can't love her like this,not with my heart constantly traveling to another face and another heart.

That isn't right,I don't want that for me either.

"Do you hate me?"
"A little bit but not enough to punch you again if that is what you mean."

I slowly walk to the car but she just waves me off after I open the door for her,I can't leave her here alone.

"I will wait at the ferris wheel for a cab,I don't think I can be in a car with you for twenty minutes...do you understand?"

I do,but I still linger until I see her sit down and looks safe.

She waves me off and turns away so I can't see her tears.

"Same here love....you deserve better than someone who should have just waited on what I wanted."

My eyes are burning but my heart is starting to feel relieved,it is going to try now all or nothing.

"Lady Kokoro....I have all intentions of turning this red thread into a ring if you want it."