The Ballad of the Sniveling Goddess

“Oh, you truly are the most enchanting and beautiful hetaira in Corinth, no, in all of Hellas!”

The young man clasped his hands and sank to his knees.

“I beg you, lovely Kallista, play something for us once more on the aulos, and let us bask in your divine radiance, that would make even Venus pale with envy!”

The many other men gathering around him nodded eagerly and joined in his pleas.

Their eyes were fixed entirely on the well-formed figure reclining before them with a gentle smile.

Flowing golden hair cascaded over her shoulders like a river of molten gold, with a hair ornament in the form of a flawlessly shaped rose.

She wore a red Doric chiton, loosely laced, revealing far more of her flawless skin than it concealed.

Her blue eyes gleamed like sapphires in the pale light of the oil lamps.

Yet what drew the most attention was her ample bosom, which rose from her slender body like mountains rising above the plains.

“Oh, my sweet Demetrios, you flatter me far too much with your words…”

Her voice was like honey, sweet enough to bead sweat upon the men’s brows.

“But alas…” She shrugged and poured the contents of a small leather pouch onto the table, “…even together, you still don’t have enough to afford it.”

She let her fingers glide over the silver coins as sheer horror spread across the men’s faces.

“T-then tell us what we must do for you, beautiful Kallista! We’ll do anything!”

Once again, unanimous nodding and murmurs of agreement.

Kallista’s smile widened.

“Oh my, how troublesome. You desire me so desperately… only to see me blow?” she asked, tilting her head with an innocent expression as she gently stroked her flute.

The men swallowed and nodded, longing and lust mingling in their eyes.

“If that’s the case, I guess it can’t be helped then...”

Suddenly, loud drumming and the clinking of lyres cut her off.

Irritated, Kallista snapped her head around.

On the opposite side of the large tavern, a small troupe in colorful garments was drawing attention to themselves.

“The time has come once more!” one of them shouted as the first guests gathered around his group. “Tonight we continue part five of our series ‘The Struggle for Troy’ and show you what happened next, after mighty Diomedes was endowed with the power of the gods, by Athena herself!”

Kallista raised an eyebrow and slowly stepped toward the other spectators, while her admirers stared after her with open mouths, then hurried to follow.

The first scene was already in full swing as she watched the spectacle, her arms crossed, curiosity in her eyes.

Between hastily shoved stools and tables on which the musicians stood, a man arrived on the scene.

He wore a splendid costume and a mock hoplite helmet made of cloth, standing tall and proud.

The narrator’s voice boomed through the tavern:

“…And after mighty Diomedes had broken through the ranks of the Trojan cowards, struck them down one by one, there was no one left who dared oppose him!”

“Are there truly no men among you, you Trojan weaklings?” the proud hoplite shouted, fully in character.

Another man hunched forward, clutching a dented pot and wearing a mask twisted in fear.

“P-please don’t shout so loudly… our soldiers don’t like noise…”

His trembling, whimpering voice immediately drew roaring laughter from the guests.

“Well now!” the narrator proclaimed. “It seems the coward Aeneas has stumbled into his path by sheer chance!”

More laughter followed.

Only Kallista remained expressionless, though the corners of her mouth twitched slightly.

After a brief scuffle between the two actors, Aeneas lay defeated and pleading on the ground, the other leveling a fake spear at him.

But before the final blow could fall, a shrill male voice rang out:

“My baby! Hands off my baby!”

He wore a blond wig and had strapped two large melon halves to his chest, standing in stark contrast to his bearded yet heavily made-up face.

“The gods intervene! Behold Venus, rushing to the aid of her pampered son!”

Kallista closed her eyes as the furrow between her brows deepened with the rising laughter, the veins on her neck suddenly visible.

“I do not fear you, weakest of the Olympians! For Athena herself has granted me leave to face you!”

The actor playing Diomedes gently, almost tenderly, pressed his fake spear against Venus’ hand, which was protectively bent over the cowering Aeneas.

For a moment nothing happened.

Music and laughter fell silent.

Then the false goddess broke into ear-splitting wails, rubbing her eyes dramatically.

“W-w-WAAAAAH!”

The laughter now became so thunderous that no one noticed Kallista spring up in fury, her face flushed crimson.

“T-that’s not how it happened at all! That’s a lie! All of it! Lies!”

She cupped her hands around her mouth.

“Boooo! C'mon boys, if you boo them off, I’ll play the flute for you all night long!”

But her admirers were no longer gathered around her.

They were laughing with the rest of the crowd at the tavern play.

Tears welled up in her large, round eyes when suddenly someone tapped her shoulder.

Sniffling, she spun around and looked down at a small figure in cloak and hood, who gently pulled her down to their level, speaking in a whisper.

“My lady, I'm sorry to disturb, but there has been a development you should know about…”

Still upset, she wiped her eyes.

“What do you want, Alexios? Can’t you see what kind of… blasphemy is taking place here?”

“But my lady, it concerns your son! His fleet has been caught in a violent storm and stranded at the Carthaginian Coast!”

“What?!”

She seized Alexios by the collar, lifting him clear off his feed.

“How can this be? Jupiter himself expressly commanded that he not be hindered! How could Neptune dare such a thing?!”

Alexios shook his head.

“Neptune isn't responsible for the storm. The winds that caused it came from Aeolus’ island…”

She set her servant down again and thoughtfully cupped her chin.

“Aeolus? But why would he...”

Suddenly she stopped, as realization kicked in.

“Juno…”

Her expression darkened as she snapped her flute with a loud CRACK in two pieces.

“That flat-chested wretch must be behind this! Oh, how I hate her, she will pay for this, that I promise!”

She grabbed Alexios by the hood and dragged him along, muttering curses under her breath.

“Isn’t Juno’s favorite ruling in Carthage? Dino or whatever?”

“Her name is...“

But she just waved him off.

“It doesn’t matter! I can’t let her become a threat to my poor Aeneas. Even if I have to pull a few tricks…“

And as they left the tavern, the laughter and singing behind them grew ever louder.