A Little Worried

In the cafe, I sat down next to the window. Like any other afternoon, the campus was loud and busy.

"Yo, Kazuha."

I glanced up to see a girl approaching me, her eyes as soulless as ever. She set her school bag on the table and took a seat opposite me.

"Hey, Kanon. How'd your chemistry test go?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Sheesh... That bad?"

"Maybe I'm exaggerating, but I think I did pretty badly. Used the same formula for a lot of the questions, even though I knew I was wrong. Just thought it'd be better than putting nothing at all."

"Damn... When do you find out your grade?"

"Next week."

"Praying for you."

I slid the coffee cup across the table.

"Hmm? You don't want it?"

"Nah. Not even sure why I bought it. I'm about to go home and take a nap after this, anyway."

"In that case, thanks."

She picked it up, took a sip, and let out a satisfied breath.

"So? You're not one to call me out on a little date for no reason. What's picking at your brain?"

"Well..."

Earlier today, I had texted Kanon to ask if we could meet at the café after school. As she said, I was never one to invite her out on a random day.  There was something I wanted to discuss with her, but now that she was here, I couldn't move my lips.

"Kazuha?" she said. "You good?"

"...Yeah. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about... Chihara Ouka."

For once, her aloof expression shifted.

"Seriously? Well, I can't say I'm all that surprised."

"Alright, calm down now. It's not what you're thinking."

"The hell if it isn't. You already dodged it once. You aren't about to fool me again. Take it from me, an avid consumer of romance novels and anime. I know what heart eyes look like when I see them."

"What the... Haruto said the exact same thing. Is it really that obvious?"

Kanon narrowed her eyes as she went for another sip.

"Let's just say that if you two were to go out in public and act the way you do here, no sane person would even think to disagree. Speaking of which, you already did that, didn't you? Multiple times, no less."

"Huh? What are you—"

The mall. Over the past week, we visited the mall four times. And now, the chaos was replaying itself in my head. Every store we went to, every boba run, and every moment in between that felt a little too... intimate.

"...Hah. Shit..."

"Busted," Kanon scoffed. "It's okay, though. I'm not judging. Chihara is a sweet and beautiful girl. It's no wonder those two fourth-year students fought over her back in the Spring term. And now, she's captivated the heart of this shut-in and depressed guy sitting across from me."

"What... I'm not that gloomy, am I?"

"Oh, you really are. That's why it's more of a surprise that Chihara, being the bright girl she is, chooses to hang out around you. How did that even happen?"

I gave Kanon the rundown.

Chihara and I first met the night that Junko came to see me in my dorm. It was past midnight and raining. I found her slouched over at a bench in the courtyard, and I lent her my umbrella.

"I thought that would be the end of it. Didn't think I'd ever see her again."

"Whoa~ You were okay with giving up your precious imported umbrella?"

"At the time, I wasn't really in the right state of mind. Wasn't even thinking about getting the umbrella back."

I told her about how, after that night, I've been noticing her more often. I found out that we lived in the same dormitory unit and shared the same last class.

"You never ran into her until that night?" Kanon asked.

"Never. That's the craziest part, because someone like her... I feel like I'd remember."

"Well, you were in a committed relationship. It wouldn't have done you any good to have noticed another woman, anyway."

"Yeah, well... Being committed didn't really pay off."

"It's kind of your fault. I warned you all those years ago, didn't I? Junko wasn't the move."

"I should've listened to you."

"Should've, would've, could've. We make decisions every single day, some tougher than others. It's how you manage it when that decision happens to be the wrong one. Anyway, as you were."

Then came the most important part. Chihara and I met up at the same spot by the cherry blossom tree almost every night.

"Dude..." Kanon sighed. "Don't be a spineless little bitch now. Otherwise, you're gonna piss me off."

"W-what do you mean?"

"You're telling me that she confronted you about why you weren't showing up anymore? And she said you didn't have to go out of your way for her? And she meets you every single night? Cute as hell, by the way, but if this isn't the most tell-tale sign, then I don't know what is. She wants to see you, my guy."

"...Is that how it seems to you?"

"I'd be surprised if you saw it differently. You're not dumb, Kazuha. I know that much."

"Hah. Thanks for the compliment."

I leaned my head back, staring at the ceiling fan slowly rotating.

"To be honest, I also see it that way," I mumbled. "I mean, how could I not? From the way she acts to what she says, it really does seem like she wants to see me. But... I'm just scared."

"Pfft, scared? You? Of all people to pussy out when it came to a girl, you were nowhere near the top of my list."

"Who's on top?"

"Who else? Haruto."

"Haha. I figured. But yeah, ever since I met Chihara, I've been... I don't know. Less gloomy, I guess. I mean, I haven't even been thinking about Junko as often as I thought I would."

"And here I was wondering why you seemed fine even after being cheated on. Well, maybe not fine. More like... handling it better than others would. Chihara was the reason, huh?"

"Yeah. That's why I'm scared that if I try to take our relationship any further, I'll lose what we have now."

Kanon began tapping on the table, thinking about something. It seemed like she was about to take another sip of coffee, but she let go of the cup.

"It's a reasonable concern," she said. "I can't necessarily blame you for feeling that way. At the same time, though... Let me ask you something, Kazuha. Do you think she might like you back?"

"Um... I think so? I don't know, Kanon. I don't wanna assume that for her."

"Well, how are either of you gonna know if one or the other doesn't speak up?"

She got me there. If neither of us says anything, then this will always be the extent of our relationship. Staying with her, wishing for more, but it'll never be enough.

"Tch... Damn, dude. This is so hard."

"I know. Eventually, though, you're gonna have to make a decision. I know you said that you don't wanna misunderstand her intentions, and that's fair. You can wait all you want, but life's gonna keep moving forward. Never know what's gonna happen, so... At least, in my opinion, it's better to take the chance than risk regretting it later on. You know what I mean, don't you?"

"...Yeah. I do."

It's subtle, but it's there. What Kanon is hinting at is that if I decide to wait too long, someone else might appear in her life as I did. Chihara is a popular girl, after all. Someone else might've already set their eyes on her, and if she happens to choose them... It'll definitely hurt more, knowing that I could've but chose not to.

"You two meet every night," Kanon said with a tiny smile. "That is so damn cute."

"What the... It's not every night..."

"Might as well be."

"Hah... Shut up."