Choked Up

Later that night, I woke up from a much-needed nap.

My head hurts, but not as much as every other time. Doesn't feel too bad either, especially since I've already completed most of my assignments. Just a bit more, and I'll be a free man.

I leaned over, snatching my phone off the nightstand to check the time.

"8:32 PM."

I've got a bit of time before midnight. Might as well knock those assignments out of the way. For the next three hours, that's exactly what I did.

I hate Calculus. Always have. But, if I'm gonna be an engineer later on, I have to pass. No excuses. It didn't take long to finish those work problems, but it definitely killed a brain cell or two. Maybe a couple more... Or a lot more.

Next up was reading the book for my modern literature class. It was more about skimming through it than actually reading it. I'd already read this book for a class I took last year, so I figured that going through each page again was pointless.

Thankfully, I remember most of it, despite how boring it is.

By the time I lowered the book, it was about half past eleven. Normally, I waited until midnight before going outside, but today... I was feeling particularly eager.

I slipped on my jacket and made my way out.

As expected, the cold was beginning to hit harder. I wasn't complaining, though. Since I was young, I loved the cold way more than the heat.

When I got to the bench, I paused.

It wasn't even midnight yet, but Chihara was already there. Instead of doing homework as usual, she was reading a biology textbook while munching on a chocolate biscuit stick. And the way she grinned when she noticed me approaching... 

God, I'm screwed.

"Good evening, Kinoshita!"

"Hey, Chihara. By the way, did you happen to bookmark the page number before closing your textbook?"

"Huh? What are you talking about? I didn't—"

She glanced down to see that her textbook was now shut.

"Ah! H-how did that happen...? I didn't even know! And now... I have to skim through the whole thing again..."

I shouldn't laugh. I really shouldn't, but it's hard. Even though she's clearly disappointed, I couldn't help but find it cute.

"Well, good thing you have the rest of the night," I sighed, lowering onto the bench. "Have at it."

While she worked meticulously to find the page she had left off on, I leaned back, dropping my head across the backrest with my eyes shut.

"Oh. By the way, Chihara, there's something I want to tell you, but... It might be a sensitive topic."

"What is it?"

"It's about your ex. Jizou Kenji."

In that moment, everything shifted. Her face was flat with seemingly no emotions, but I knew better.

"We can just not talk about it if you'd like."

"N-no, it's fine. I..."—she drew a deep breath—"I'm okay. What about him?"

Reluctant as I was, I continued.

"I actually met him the other day. Since then, I've been debating whether or not I should tell, and I figured I should. Just to make you aware."

"Huh? What happened? He didn't cause you any issues, did he?"

"Nah, no issues. Just a slight annoyance, I guess. He introduced himself as your boyfriend, saying that his 'ex' status was only temporary and that he wanted to know what my intentions with you were."

Chihara's scowl worsened.

"What the... Tch. Why is he doing so much?"

"I'm guessing this isn't the first instance of his... weirdo behavior."

"Definitely not. Ever since he cheated on me, he's been messaging me almost every single day, saying things like how he misses me, how much he regrets it, and how he should never have done it. Like, why does he think any of that matters?"

"You're asking me."

She crossed her arms and let out a frustrated huff.

"What did you tell him, Kinoshita?" she asked.

"What else? As a fellow victim of cheating, I said what needed to be said. When he tried to tell me that it was all a misunderstanding, I asked him what his point was. He couldn't say anything after I told him that the girl he slept with was my ex."

"Oh~ That must've been satisfying."

"Hah. Yeah, it was. I also—"

I stopped myself.

Apart from stating facts, I also kind of threatened him. I should probably leave that part out.

"Anyway, yeah. I still can't believe he had the gall to try to explain himself. At least to me, there's no excuse to cheat on your partner."

"Glad we're on the same wavelength, Kinoshita. On that note, he approached me the other day, too. Got on all four and begged me to take him back."

"That's so stupid. Serves him right, though. This is just one of those cases of him not knowing what he had till he lost it. Not your fault."

"Yeah..."

We both let out a sigh.

"Being cheated on sucks, huh?"

"It really does."

Then, we looked at each other before sharing a laugh.

Chihara wrapped her arms around her legs, leaning her head on them while wearing a smile that petrified me.

"I'm really glad I met you, Kinoshita," she said, "even if it was... a weird way of meeting someone. Thanks for being here."

As she sat there, a gentle breeze swept through her hair. The way she looked at me made me want to take her hand. Just for that moment, I wished time would stop.

"Yeah, well... Don't get used to it," I mumbled. "As you can probably tell by now, I'm not exactly a people person."

"Hehe~ Too late. I'm already used to it."

"Hah..."

Suddenly, Kanon's words came rushing back to me.

I can wait all you want, but life's gonna keep moving forward. Never know what's gonna happen, so it's better to take the chance than risk regretting it later on.

"...Hey, Chihara."

"Yeah?"

"I..."

Like you.

But I can't say it. My head's a mess, and my chest feels like it's being pulled by an anchor.

I should take the risk. I know that. At the same time, I'm still afraid of what she might say. Or worse, what she might think. Maybe now isn't the best time.

So, instead, I just smiled.

"I'm... glad that I met you, too, Chihara."

She stared at me for a bit too long.

"Pfft... Hahaha! Really, Kinoshita? Why did that sound so awkward? Try it again."

"What? No."

"Aw, come on! Just one more time. Give it a little more passion, and maybe I'll believe you."

"I already said it once. I'm not gonna say it again."

"Ehh~? Then should I take this as you lying about being glad you met me?"

"W-wha—?!"

I was met with clearly amused eyes.

This is a lose-lose situation. If I say it again, she wins. If I don't, I lose, so she'll win by default. Not like she even knows that. She just wants to get it out of me.

Is there really no way out?

"...I'm..."

"Ah-ah. No stuttering, Kinoshita."

"What the...? Tch..."

After a deep breath, I turned to face her fully.

"Chihara."

"Yes, Kinoshita?"

"I'm glad I met you."

As if she were reveling in the moment, she didn't say anything. Then, without warning, she leaned across the bench, hovering a chocolate biscuit stick right under my lips.

"See?" she grinned. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

Unable to let her feed me, I hesitantly snatched the biscuit stick and bit into it myself. Even then, she didn't seem disappointed. With a smirk like that, I imagine it was quite the opposite.

Does she realize what she's doing to me?

No... She knows. She definitely knows. I just can't prove it.