Numb

You have an appointment today with doctor Davis at 2:30 standard time.

“Could you shut up, I wanna keep sleeping” mumbled Liam, groping for the ear clip he’d forgotten to take out before falling asleep.

Your shift starts in 20 minutes.

“Just shut up, I’m not getting out of bed.”

The new employee will be expecting your help.

“****... I gotta deal with that kid don’t I?”

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With effort Liam moved his first finger, then the next, then the whole hand. One arm moved, then the other, then the back, and then he was sitting upright in bed. He forced the right leg to move, then the left, and then he was standing up.

Your shift starts in 15 minutes.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, I better hurry.”

Liam’s first few steps out the door were stumbling, then he found purchase and awkwardly shuffled the next few before hitting his stride and beginning to accelerate. He arrived at work sweating, but on time. The new employee was already there, ready for the workshift and looking around nervously for his more experienced companion.

“You made it,” breathed out a relieved Andrew, looking at his panting older companion, “I-I was beginning to worry you weren’t gonna show up at all.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not enough of a scumbag to take advantage of a new employee like that.”

“Oh! That’s-I-I didn’t mean it like that!”

Liam sighed, the kid was overthinking their interactions way too much, “Just don’t worry about it, I just woke up a little late is all.”

“Oh—okay. Do you, uh, not have your mini-me set an alarm?”

“It’ll send me notifications but I usually take the clips out before sleeping, so I don’t bother with an alarm.”

“You take them out? Why?”

“I dunno, they’re uncomfortable I guess. It just seems natural to take them out. I forgot to take one out last night though, that’s probably what saved me this morning.”

“Do you take off all your clips when sleeping? What about your eye?”

“I usually take ‘em all out, even the eye.”

“That’s weird. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of someone doing that.”

“And how many people have you even asked about that?”

“Uhh…”

“Yeah, see? It’s probably not that odd.”

“But doesn’t it leave you feeling blind?”

“Whaddya mean?”

“But you’re unable to see things, or hear things, or smell things!”

“I still got one eye, and ears, and a nose. The world feels more natural without the clips.”

“Huh. The clips just feel like a normal part of me.”

Liam grimaced, “They sure don’t to me, I don’t want some corporate overlord filling all my senses with more ads.”

Liam grabbed a cart and began hauling it out into the station.

“Oh yeah, I got an appointment this afternoon at 2:30, so you’re gonna be on your own for a bit.”

“Is that okay? It’s only my second day working here,” said Andrew nervously.

“It’s **** cleaning, you’ll be fine.”

This is a public area, crude language is prohibited.

The day continued like the one before, each man taking a side of the station. Sometimes they’d work in silence, sometimes they’d chat, Andrew would watch something, Liam would listen to music, there was nothing abnormal about it, but it felt strangely different from the thousands of times Liam had cleaned the station before. He felt something akin to relief. It was as if, despite the hundreds of thousands that passed through the station, for the first time he wasn’t the only person there. It eased that gaping feeling he’d been trying so hard to ignore.

The afternoon eventually rolled around and Liam clocked out, leaving Andrew with a basic list of advice before hopping on a train. It was white, of course, with a cylindrical interior that stretched far back with dozens of compartments like some sort of metal intestine. There were worn pale beige benches on either side and rows of metal poles down the middle for standing. Ads were plastered on every surface, even floating before his face and dancing in the middle of the floor space. Cute girls in skimpy outfits, muscled well-groomed men, they all circled about him, hawking their goods, pointing at him and telling him he’d be happy if he could just scrape together the necessary cash.

The train shot forward, its metal intestines lurching as it descended towards the floor of the cavern city. The port and Liam’s home were high up in the rafters of the city, dug into the wall, but the medical center was down on the ground floor. The all encompassing darkness of a tunnel filled the train, and the only lights came from the glowing ephemeral ads everywhere.

Do you want to feel happy?

Buy today and your satisfaction is guaranteed!

Happiness! On sale now!

“Hey mini-me, play something interesting.”

Liam half-watched some generated content tailored to fit his tastes as the train pulled into a small station located outside the city’s main medical complex. The station had a dozen or so different platforms, but paled in comparison to the port station. It was dingy, grime turning it a dull brown rather than the pristine white the port station was kept in. It clearly wasn’t a place receiving daily janitorial services.

Liam stepped off the train and was immediately assaulted by a tidal wave of advertisements for pharmaceutical drugs somehow even more intrusive than on the train. Flashing colors blazed around every corner of his vision and with a sigh he simply switched his right eye off. It didn’t get rid of the noise blaring in his ear, but it helped to not see all the fake smiles grinning down on him from every direction.

The medical complex was a vast place, clearly aged, but still kept in good condition. Towering buildings loomed above him, brown, beige, and oppressive without the filters his right eye provided. The buildings were of a more brutalist style, clearly built during the early days of the city when large-scale fast construction was most utilized.

Everything was bathed in a sort of twilight, the tall buildings blocking out distant lights and casting long shadows. Night and day didn’t really exist in the underground city, but this place always gave the feeling that the shadows were growing long and a non-existent sun was dipping below the horizon.

Liam tentatively crept forward. The place always gave him an unsettled feeling. His house was located far above, but the medical center was on the ground floor of the cavern and it left him feeling completely swallowed up. He was in the belly of a beast, trapped on the ground in a cage.

He had to flip his eye open again in order to check in and found himself waiting for his doctor in a worn chair amidst an assault of advertisements, posters, and TV shows. Eventually his mini-me popped up with an update, its 2D figure pulling up a map directing him which room to go to. Liam paused before the door of Dr. Davis, then sighed and pushed the buzzer outside the room.

“Please enter and have a seat, the doctor will be with you shortly,” beeped an automated voice before the door clicked unlocked and swung open. Liam flopped down on the patient’s bed, but sat upright almost immediately as Dr. Davis entered the room.

He was a middle-aged man with a face coated in stubble and short-cut white hair beginning to show signs of thinning. He was shorter and rounder than Liam, but not overweight. His white shirt and pants were of a more professional style and he wore a doctor’s coat over them. Liam flicked his right eye closed, observing the metal coating the doctor’s face; his appearance underneath didn’t seem much different from his avatar’s.

“Well Liam, it’s good to see you again,” said Dr. Davis without any enthusiasm.

“Likewise,” said Liam, slipping into a bored tone of voice.

“I’ve got the report from your mini-me, and it’s not looking good. Dopamine and serotonin levels in your brain are still too low.”

Liam stared at his doctor, intentionally keeping his face as uninterested as possible.

“You said the same thing last time.”

“Well, it’s just a matter of adjusting your medications. If we increase the-”

“It’s gonna **** cost more isn’t it.”

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“Well—yes, but there are plenty of government assistance programs, and I can assure you the increase will be fair and reasonable.”

Liam sighed, “What’s a little more debt?”

Dr. Davis ignored him and continued on.

“Look, Liam, I don’t schedule these meetings with you just for the sake of adjusting your meds. We also need to talk about your lifestyle and habits.”

“So, what about ‘em? Not like there’s much I can do about that.”

A look of annoyance briefly flickered across the doctor’s face, but it disappeared in an instant.

“Listen to me, Liam, you’re not doing well. You haven’t shown any signs of improvement in months, and it’s clear to me you can’t keep going down this path. If you want to improve, you have to start being proactive about it. I’ve seen the data from your mini-me, and it’s clear that you’re not taking good care of yourself. You have to make changes in your lifestyle, and that starts now.”

“You gave me this same spiel last-time doc. I’m fine, it’s not like I’m just gonna keel over tomorrow. I’ve got a lotta other issues to worry about first.”

“Can you just listen to me?”

“We’ve already been through this doc, but sure, fine just-just go ahead and give your little talk.”

Dr. Davis cleared his throat.

“Medications only go so far, if you want to improve your condition it’s important that you make changes to your lifestyle as well. As your doctor, one thing that I would recommend is seeing a therapist regu—”

“I can’t **** afford a therapist.”

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“Alright, I understand. There are some other things that you can do as well. Looking at your daily schedule I would recommend trying to get fresh air and exercise more regularly.”

“I work a job from before sun-up til after sun-down where I’m on my feet all day, that’s the last thing I wanna do! I already gotta do the gov mandated ones anyway.”

“Just work with me Liam, getting outside of your house and workplace can be beneficial. You hardly go anywhere, changing up your schedule might have some positive impacts.”

“I’m always tired and broke, I don’t wanna go anywhere and I can’t **** afford anything.”

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“What about spending more time with friends? Being alone so much of the time isn’t healthy for you.”

“Were you listening to me at all? I work 7 days a week, I don’t have the energy for hanging out with people, and I can’t afford to do anything! Anytime someone says ‘hey, let’s meet up,’ they’re always talking about going somewhere and spending cash I don’t have!”

“Can you just entertain my suggestions for even a second? I’m trying to help you here. Just think on them a moment instead of immediately rejecting every proposal!”

Liam sighed.

“You finally got some new ideas since last appointment?”

“For someone in your circumstances, there is a budget friendly approach to many of these things. Me-Tech has just recently launched new companion packages for mini-me’s to make them into better companions that support you through your struggles. They can now be friends, therapists, or even lovers. For a limited time only—”

“The ****? That’s just some corpo **** you’re spouting!”

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“Just hear me out—”

“Doc, how much’d they pay you to spout that ****”

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“Just lis—”

John Johnson by purchasing a full speech pass today.

“How much did they pay you?”

“As a doctor I would never mislead you in recommending treatments.”

“Then WHAT was that? That was some corpo garbage you memorized for some extra cash isn’t it? You’ve probably been waiting this entire meeting just to spout that off and get the money!”

“As a paid professional there are contractual obligations I have to follow, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that I’m trying to help you! Both my obligations and your best interests happened to align in that moment, that’s all!”

“You’re my **** doctor? How the **** am I supposed to trust anything you say when you’re being paid by companies to advertise treatments!”

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“Can you just LISTEN to me Liam! You’re exploding over nothing and just keep pointlessly bickering! You just keep blaming all your problems on something else! You clearly hate your life yet you're unwilling to take responsibility and change it! You keep blaming your inaction on everything other than yourself! As a doctor there are obligations I have to fulfill, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have your best interests in mind and would never recommend a treatment I believed would be harmful! Can’t you realize that the problem here isn’t me, or your job, or society, it’s YOU!”

An uncomfortable silence followed and hung around the room for far too long. It sat there like a fog, filling and obscuring the space between the two men.

At last Liam spoke, “How can I trust anything you say when a handful of dollars will part your lips?”

“In order to address your condition, you first need to admit that the one responsible for improving is you.”

“Doc, just schedule the meeting for next month and update my meds or whatever.”

“Liam, we’re not done here.”

“I’m losing pay ‘cause of this. I don’t wanna keep this pointless conversation going any longer.”

“Liam, please just—”

“See ya next month, Doc.”