Chapter 8

I felt guilty leaving for a shower, but Xiaolian seemed to be okay, and I couldn’t imagine having lunch in the cafeteria looking like this. The thought of Madam Faber's judgemental gaze on my dirty clothes sent a shiver down my spine.

I opened the bathroom door with my watch and hung my fresh set of clothes on the locker door, and then slowly undressed. The cold tiles of the floor soothed my sore feet as I walked to the container for dirty clothes next to the door, when my eyes fell on my reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall, and I shivered.

Was that really me looking back? I tried to shake off my growing uneasiness, but I couldn’t turn away my gaze. Had I always looked like that? My mind tried to reassure me that was the case, flashing countless memories before my eyes as proof, but no matter how much I tried to believe them, deep down I felt something was missing, even if I couldn’t name what it was.

My vision blurred, and I gasped for air as the reflection in the mirror began to shift before my eyes, and a low drone filled the air, and I dreaded what I would see when the haze lifted. Xiaolian… That’s who I would see. The inevitable certainty filled my mind as the buzz in my ears intensified. I tried to shut my eyes and look away, but I had become just a mere passenger trapped in my body without any means to control what was happening.

Suddenly, something cold and moist brushed against my bare legs, and I stumbled forward, slamming my hands against the wall, gasping for air. I glanced at the door, hoping Farah would somehow burst through it, even though I knew how embarrassing it would be if she saw me like this. But only silence filled the air, and, despite my prayers, the door stayed closed.

I forced myself to straighten up and stumbled into the shower, and only when I turned on the water, letting the hot steam fill the cubicle, did I relax and was able to breathe again. I poured some shampoo into my palm and began spreading it over my body as the soft scent of roses filled the air. I blinked. Didn’t Xiaolian smell like this? I was sure I had noticed the scent when we sat so close together. Was it real? Or was I making it up? I wasn’t sure.

Still, the soft scent calmed my mind and somehow put me at ease. Maybe all the school’s cosmetics smelt like this? That was probably the case… I inhaled the delicate scent and closed my eyes as I began to massage the remaining shampoo into my hair, and my stiff neck slowly relaxed under my touch.

It was so quiet once I turned off the water and dried off with the soft towel that I could hear my breath echoing in the room. I hesitated for a moment before turning on the dryer, filling the air with its whine. It felt so loud and invasive at first that my body tensed instinctively, but I soon got used to it, and it didn’t bother me that much.

I dressed, having chosen a pair of soft dark trousers and a white shirt this time that matched the institute's dress code, and tied my hair up before leaving for our room.

To my relief, Xiaolian was still sitting on her bed where I’d left her, and she even smiled faintly when I walked in. I sat down on the bed and glanced at the food on my desk but decided against eating anything now, preferring to wait for lunch instead.

Instead, I began to unpack and organise my clothes in the wardrobe, for the first time seeing what my aunt had chosen for me. Except for those, my laptop and a few empty notebooks, I didn’t really have anything else that would fill all the space on my shelf.

Suddenly, both of our watches pinged, and Xiaolian looked at me.

“Lunchtime. Are you coming, or shall I get you something?”

“I’ll come.”

I’d promised Madam Faber that I would eat properly, but even so, I really could have a warm meal. Maybe I could meet the other students as well? I was sure we couldn’t be the only ones who had arrived early.

Xiaolian smiled and got up, and only then did I remember she would go with me wearing her onesie. My face flushed with embarrassment. What if the other students saw me with her? What if Madam Faber saw? What would they think of me? I shivered as those thoughts passed through my mind, but Xiaolian opened the door, and I was forced to follow her.

I tried to walk slowly so I could lag behind her, telling myself I only did it because my feet still hurt after the walk earlier, but she adjusted her pace to walk by my side, forcing me to look away to hide my flushed face.

She led us to the main cafeteria, following the wide, empty hallway behind the staircase, and then pushed the heavy glass door open, letting the smell of freshly cooked food fill my senses. It made me realise how hungry I was. But the thoughts about food evaporated from my mind the moment I saw Madam Faber standing between the tables. She must have heard the door open because she looked in our direction and smiled before walking over to us. I froze, feeling her cold blue eyes on my flushed face.

“Yuna, I am happy to see you’ve already made friends here!”

She said it loudly enough for a few other students at the end of the room to pause their chitchat and look at us. I bowed stiffly, utterly confused. Was she really fine with Xiaolian walking around in her onesie? The giggles from the back of the room twisted my stomach into a knot, and I lost the remaining appetite I had. She must have noticed my confusion, and she rested her hand on Xiaolin’s shoulder and smiled.

“It is our school tradition to exempt our best students from some rules as a reward for their achievements.”

Xiaolian looked at her with childlike admiration, and Madam Faber's hand moved up her back and ruffled her hair.

“Of course, Xiaolian interpreted that reward in a very liberal way, but I don’t think I could take it away, not after her parents died in such a horrible accident.”

She sighed quietly and added,

“I only hope I’m not favouring her too much…”

I blinked.

“...but she is one of the best students we’ve ever had.”

Why was she talking about her as if she wasn’t here? And how could she share such a personal thing with a stranger, as if it were nothing?

“You can learn a lot from her, Yuna.”

She glanced towards the back of the room.

“I would love to talk to you more, Yuna, but I need to look after our newly arrived students.”

She gently brushed the hair from Xiaolin’s face for the last time and then turned to walk away, and I saw a flash of disappointment in Xiaolin’s eyes before her face became devoid of emotions once again. Suddenly, Madame Faber paused and turned back to us.

“Xiaolin, could you come to my office after lunch and help me with registrations?”

“Of course, Madam Faber,” she said quietly.

Madame Faber turned and disappeared to the other side of the room, and Xiaolian walked to the counter and picked up a tray of food from a young woman behind it. I did the same and followed her to one of the empty tables next to the door.

I glanced around, noticing for the first time how beautiful the hall was. With high chairs, polished wooden tables and green potted plants hanging from the walls, it looked more like one of those restaurants my aunt took me to sometimes rather than a cafeteria. It was almost empty, except for those newly arrived students who looked like freshmen, judging by their age, and a few staff members I hadn’t seen before.

The door to the cafeteria opened, and Farah walked in. She glanced at our table with a frown, then went to the counter and picked up a tray of food. For a moment, I thought she would join us, but she chose the table behind us.

I felt her gaze on my back as I tried to eat, but despite the quality of the food, I wasn’t hungry anymore and only nibbled at my portion. Xiaolin didn’t have such a problem and devoured her plate with methodical efficiency, making me wonder if she ever tasted the food as she ate. She finished her plate and then left without a word, and I followed her with my gaze until she disappeared behind the door.

What now? Suddenly, I felt Farah’s hand resting on the back of my chair. I shivered and turned around to face her. How could she move so quietly?

“I can show you around the mansion, I have some time.”

She looked at me with a frown, and I didn’t dare refuse her offer and instinctively got up, trying to get some distance between us.

“T-thank you,” I mumbled as I followed her to the door.