Chapter 7

Farah left when we reached the mansion, and I rushed to the back door before anyone could see me. To my relief, my clothes lay where I had left them, damp with the morning dew. I quickly put on my shoes, dreading that someone would see me like this, and then went inside, carrying Farah’s jacket in my hand. Had she left it with me on purpose?

I inhaled the soft scent of mint and lavender as I continued down the empty hallway. It was late, and I had missed breakfast, but with the snacks I had brought and the food Xiaolian had given me yesterday, I should be fine until lunch.

Madame Faber was standing by the staircase when I came into the main hall, speaking on the phone. I froze for a moment and instinctively bowed, hoping I could reach the stairs before she finished her call. I passed without looking at her, pretending I didn’t want to disturb her, but her soft voice rang out as I put my hand on the railing.

“Yuna.”

I froze and slowly turned, only to see her walking towards me.

“Did you sleep well? I didn’t expect you to get up so early.”

“I-I just wanted to look around.”

She smiled and tilted her head, and I shivered under her gaze as her cold blue eyes looked deep into mine.

“Of course, we are so lucky to have all of this. I hope you will settle down and find many friends when the semester starts.”

“M-me too,” I mumbled, my heart pounding in my chest.

She glanced at her phone, and I took it as the end of our conversation and turned to climb the stairs when she called my name again, making me gasp for air.

“Yuna, there is always some food in the cafeteria, but try not to miss meals. You are still growing, proper nutrition is important at your age.”

“I-I am sorry.”

I bowed my head, and, seeing her glancing back at her phone, bolted up as the walls around me closed in on me, and the air never seemed to fill my lungs, no matter how deep I inhaled.

I halted in front of the door to our room and pressed my burning forehead against the cold wall, gasping for air. What should I do? Go inside? Xiaolian was there, but how could I see her after she had left me? We were friends… I shivered. My forehead was throbbing, but the rest of my body was almost numb and covered with goosebumps.

Suddenly, I became aware of the soft scent of mint and lavender filling my senses. I glanced at the jacket in my hand. Farah… Who was she? She seemed to care, but… I shivered, suddenly remembering her eyes watching me as we walked. She’d told me to…

I tried to take a deep breath, and to my surprise, my body let me, and I found a strange comfort in her scent. I needed a shower and to change my clothes, they were damp and stuck to my skin. Slowly, I opened the door, hoping it would prevent it from creaking, and stepped inside. Xiaolian was sitting on her bed with the tablet in her hands, but she lifted her gaze and looked at me when I closed the door behind me.

“I got you some food.”

She pointed to a few sandwiches and another bottle of juice on my desk.

“Thank you…”

She leaned back, fiddling with her tablet.

“Don't worry.”

There was a long pause before she added,

“W-we are friends….”

Her eyes were empty as she waited for my confirmation of her statement, and I couldn’t bring myself to say otherwise.

“S-sure,” I mumbled and sat down at the edge of my bed.

Maybe she hadn’t left me on purpose. She must know Farah, maybe she thought… Suddenly, the memories of what happened flashed before my eyes, making me dizzy.

“Are you okay?”

“S-sure, I guess I am just hungry…”

I looked at the food on my desk. Yes, probably that was it. I missed dinner yesterday, and I hadn’t eaten much while we travelled. I picked up the bottle of juice and forced myself to drink. To my surprise, my body welcomed it and didn’t revolt with a wave of nausea as it often did.

“You should eat something too,” she said.

I reached for the sandwich, realising how hungry I was. The room felt warm and cosy, and my body, nourished by the food, started to relax, letting go of the tension it had held for I don’t know how long.

“Do you feel better?” Xiaolian asked, her face still devoid of emotions, but her voice carried a faint concern.

“I do.”

I nodded with a smile, but she avoided my gaze.

“I am sorry, I shouldn’t have let her do it to you… She hurt you.”

“It’s…it’s ok.”

I sighed and looked down. My feet hurt, but at least the chill that permeated my body was slowly melting away.

“She didn't mean to. She is just lonely, so…”, she whispered, and her words echoed in the room.

Lonely… How? She was beautiful, and…

“I will stop her if she tries to do it again, I promise.”

“Don’t worry…”

I tried to smile, but the idea of them fighting terrified me. I still remembered Farah’s eyes watching me as we walked, but I tried to shake off the feeling.

“She just showed me around.”

For a split second, Xiaolian’s face flashed with confusion, and then she sighed, fiddling with her tablet as she began rocking back and forth. I watched her with growing uneasiness, remembering what she had done to herself last night. My eyes stayed fixed on her hands as the walls of the room slowly closed around me, and breathing became hard, making me gasp for air.

“Farah is fine. She pushes people away because she cares too much, but she wouldn’t hurt you, so I let her take you.”

She wrapped her arms around herself and kept rocking back and forth as a quiet sob escaped her mouth.

“It was Sneha… She wanted to feel real… She didn’t realise what she was doing… We didn’t mean to…”

I blinked as a wave of nausea flooded my body.

“W-what do you mean?”

She shivered at my question and covered her head with her hands as she kept rocking back and forth, leaving me with a gnawing feeling of guilt in my chest. I shouldn’t have asked, I knew it, but…

“Xiaolian… It’s okay, Xiaolian.”

I forced softness into my voice, but it didn’t seem like she heard it. I stumbled over to her and hesitantly sat on her bed next to her, but it seemed she didn’t notice that either.

“Xiaolian”

I put my hand on her back. Her body felt cold even through her clothes. What should I do? What should I do…?

“Don’t, Yuna... Don’t... You are the real one,” she whispered, and her voice sent shivers through my body, but despite all my instincts tugging at me to pull away and run, I forced myself to stay. We were friends…

“It’s okay, Xiaolian… It's okay…”

She shivered, and I put my arm around her.

“Read me one of the poems,” I said in an attempt to distract her.

“A-are you sure...?”

She glanced at me with strange longing, and a wave of sadness flooded my heart. I missed it too, even if I didn’t remember what it was. She picked up her tablet and read with a shaky voice,

Now I understand!

When to remember me

She vowed,

She said she would forget me,

But kindly!

She leaned into me and read another one.

How sad,

to think I will end

as only

a pale green mist

drifting the far fields.

She slowly calmed down, and I became aware of how awkward it was to sit so close to her, but I didn’t dare move away and instead tried to focus on the air filling my lungs.

“Read one that you like,” she whispered, and I took the chance to get up and pick my book from my desk.

When I came back, I sat down farther away, and she seemed to accept it, leaning against the wall as I opened the book, pretending I was searching for something, and then read,

Upon the path of dreams

My feet don't rest.

Constantly trailing you, yet

In reality, a single glimpse:

Not even that have I had of you.

She sighed quietly and looked at me.

“They are beautiful.”

“They are sad,” I blurted out without thinking and regretted it the moment the words left my mouth.

“Maybe… Maybe they are both? Sad and beautiful. Just like us…”, she whispered.

I nodded, not wanting to upset her with my careless words. What now …? It felt so awkward to sit in silence like this, but I neither dared to say anything nor leave her alone.