Audacity (Part Four)

Bones clattered against each other, ringing each step down the marble stairs like a macabre wind chime around my neck. I straightened out the lapel on my coat, brushing the fur of it downwards, before opening the door to a room devoid of any prying eyes.

I eagerly awaited to see what Rosaline would be wearing to our gathering. My thoughts were running wild with the possibilities. The excitement of the Nocturnus Night already had me fairly worked up.

After a few moments had passed, the Vampire princess slowly opened the door. Gorgeous layers of delicate fabric rained down from the tops of her knees down to the back of her calves.

The fabric had been manipulated in a way that made it appear to have been stuffed with roses that couldn’t help but to spill out. Silver thread was woven into the lace and fabric of the dress, which made it all positively sparkle.

Her hair flowed down in waterfalls down her bare shoulders, covered only at the arms with a thin, transparent strap. 

The click of her heels continued to close the gap between us, where I then finished her outfit by fitting her with a headpiece that bore the curled horns of a goat, not unlike my own.

She looked up at me beneath her icy eyelashes as if questioning the choice of accessory I had bestowed upon her.

“We wear our hunts as a sign of our success and as kind of a prayer to bountiful hunts in the coming year.”

“Since coming to the castle, there’s no time for me to hunt, so these are nothing more than kitchen scraps.” I showed off my collection of animal bones and furs, which I had hung around my neck and tied around my waist.

“That’s beautiful, if not a bit morbid.” She stared at the fur and bones that lay across my chest. Her silver eyes always gave off the impression that she was deeply pensive, taking in everything around her that was happening. It was because of this that I felt slightly intimidated of her finding out my true intentions.

I opened up one of the windows in the room. Cool evening air rushed in, traces of rain upon it followed soon behind. My boots hit the ground outside of it, careful enough to not trample the flora and leave evidence of our escape.

Rosaline lifted a knee to make her way onto the sill; I cast my hand towards her. She placed her small, delicate fingers lightly into the palm of my hand and helped herself over and out of the window. 

When she escaped, I could see the excitement spread across her face. Her lips formed an honest smile and I saw those small but sharp canines between them.

Memories of that night washed over me and I succumbed half to embarrassment and half to excitement. I couldn’t help but to face away from her in that moment.

"Did you see something?” Her melodic voice whispered in the night.

“We should go before anyone spots us.” 

Rosaline appeared worried, but I removed my hand and continued to walk towards home.

Evening had just fallen mere moments before Rosaline and I had began to leave the castle. For the longest time, I could only admire the castle's exterior from below. This exterior I knew well, from the grounds that surrounded the castle to the highest ridge atop the stone gray structure.

I had grown up knowing that one day I would enter the castle that only my ancestors had been in. I was like royalty to even my own enslaved family.

A dark blue sky plead with the moon, who cast a breathtaking glow upon our surroundings. The outlines of trees in the distance became ever closer as we picked up speed.

I looked at her to find that it had also thrown that beautiful glow upon her. Silver strands of hair glittered like frost covered webs as the wind of our brisk walk scattered them.

For the first time, I thought I heard her laugh as she found fun in such a rebellious act.

Suddenly, my heart gave a kick to my chest. I did not understand at first. I had remembered a time when I was there in the castle with Rosaline. She had just told me everything her heart carried as a burden regarding her father. I even saw as much when I used her bite to spy on her memories.

Rosaline was having fun defying her father, something she had told me she wanted to do so many times.

The Vampire princess had confided in me that she wanted to escape the castle and see the world and I thought she had been all bluster at the time, but it seemed as if she was being genuine after all.

The rushing wind through my leathery wings made me feel like I could take flight. Like Rosaline, this was the first time I had felt free since I entered the castle.

Perhaps part of that was how happy she seemed to be without the weight of those expectations upon her.

My wings became free and opened to greet the cool air, a refreshing moment to clear them from the stuffy air they had been subjected to.

The two of us stopped as we met a worn down stone wall at the entrance of a forest. The rocks had been rubbed smooth by the many beings that had come in through it over decades.

That barrier was no problem for me cross, but Rosaline seemed hesitant. All of that rebellion started to turn into fear.

I held out my hand to her once more. She bit her lip and drank the courage she needed to take it,. Her slender fingers once again accepted my hand, which required no strength to help the vampire cross that threshold.

“You promised you’d protect me,” the corners of her mouth raised into something of a nervous smile as she reminded me of the words I had given her.

“And I will.” I chose to keep her hand in mine this time. Pale fingers met paler fingers, wrapping around them and feeling out their slight warmth. I worried about how that warmth made me feel.

Glowing embers floated into the sky, meeting with the night sky and canopy above like fireflies. Ever closer became the voices and instruments of our destination.

All creatures of the night had dressed up for the occasion, bones, skulls, pelts, and feathers bloomed against all of their features.

“Welcome to the Nocturnus Night, princess.”

Rosaline’s eyes glittered in the light of the bonfire. They flitted around to each of the festival ground’s attractions; from the food to the contests. She bore the wonder of a child and I knew I must have had the same look upon my face when my mother took me to my first Nocturnus Night.

Before long, however, I had felt a few eyes following us through the venue. Even with the horns on her head, it wouldn’t be difficult for them to realize that it was the princess of the castle who had intruded upon their festival.

To be the guardian of Ambrosius' daughter was the most powerful privilege a former servant like me could hold. I could be proud for this, even if I despised that family's existence. Ambrosius had given me something to be proud of, a position that my ancestry never held.

However, my people had all rights to be wary of me from the point that I was employed within the castle walls. Would they treat me like a traitor?

Choosing to act like nothing was out of the ordinary, I offered my princess a choice: “Would you like to dance around the fire or do you prefer to dine?”

“I would love to learn more about how the people here dance.”

“Perhaps with less grace than a castle dweller, but certainly with more heart.” I gently pulled her over towards the bonfire, where several were already dancing along.

“I’ll guide you,” I whispered before spinning her around. Roses bloomed all around her in a circle, dancing wildly with the hair down her back. Just as the roses of her skirt had, a gorgeous smile bloomed upon her lips.

“Please do!” Her words came out in between sweet laughter. I joined hands with the person to the right of me and she did the same with the girl on her left.

Several times we moved in towards the bonfire and then out again, raising and dropping our arms as we did. A dance that had been burned into my mind.

Even though I remembered doing the same with my mother, she was nowhere to be found so far. I had hoped to see her. 

“How is my mother,” I asked the woman in my right hand.

“She’s well and she so wanted to be here in case you arrived tonight but the plumbing has gone in her house so she’s off dealing with it. I’ll let her know I saw you, though.”

I utilized the footwork that I had learned throughout my life with all of the creatures of the night as my instructors. Watching them year after year, their spirits burning enough to light the fire.

Rosaline was also very graceful with her own movements, catching on quickly to our bonfire dance. She seemed to float on her feet, her dress trailing across the fiery scene beautifully.

Rosaline’s eyes followed everyone else but occasionally I discovered them smiling at me. In the castle, she had been so reserved with nothing more than melancholic breaths coursing through her on a day by day basis. Tonight, she was burning brighter than the fires around us.

Slowly, the crowd began to grow as the night waxed. Rosaline and I backed out of the dance after a few beautiful songs. The pair of us sat to watch the others danced while we spoke over a plate of food.

"Have you celebrated this every year?" Rosaline finished her question before softly biting down onto a cracker, covering her mouth when she did.

“Almost,” I responded, noting the difference in how we had prepared our plates, “My mother usually came with me.” 

Another cracker. She had few left, having only plated a few in the first place. “Is she here tonight?”

“She...” I sipped from a glass full of home brewed spirits, “She had to stay at home tonight.”

“If it’s not to forward of me, I’d like to meet her sometime.”

I had no intentions of bringing her to meet up with my mother. If she happened to be here, I would have introduced them, but nothing more.

“...Was there trouble?” Rosaline then asked sympathetically. She moved slightly closer, as if it were a secret between the two of us.

I didn’t reciprocate, choosing to remain in my current position instead. It wasn’t a secret and it wasn’t anything to hide. I thought she deserved to know, actually. “The houses we stay in, they’re cramped and breaking apart. Things don’t work quite the way they should so my mother is at home taking care of that instead of celebrating.”

Rosaline sat back up in her chair and clasped her hands together. Her eyes disappeared behind her lashes again. “I’ve been unable to see their suffering, but now that I know, I still find obstacles in assisting them.”

“You don’t have to act like you care.”

“I do care, but if I act without a solid plan then they may become no more than casualties.” As much as I hated it, she was probably right.

I had seen the capabilities of her father against his own flesh and blood. I bore witness to the atrocities he had done upon the servants of his castle.

“You saw them, didn’t you?” Her silvery eyes sparkled in the light of the fire, but they still appeared ice cold.

“What, are you reading my mind then?” I worried that she could see into my personal thoughts. I was outraged at the idea that she could know enough to feel as though my mind had been trespassed.

“I’ve only been reading your expressions, Mattathias. I’m sorry if I spoke out of turn.”

“We don’t need to talk about this,” I stood up and took our plates away. Speaking of these things was obviously going to be fruitless, so it didn’t matter. Action was the only thing that would ever help.

“Let’s talk about that night, then.” She grabbed my hand just before I had the chance to leave. I balanced the plates in my hand and passed on a glare to the girl on the other one. “I think we should talk about it.”

I ripped my hand from her and took the rough, wooden plates to a box piled with other soiled dishes. When I looked behind me, I saw that she had not risen from her chair. Silver curls hid her face but not the fact that she had dropped her head.

I was beginning to see the patterns in her reactions; They left me with conflicting thoughts about the vampire princess. I came to question my motives and every interaction with me only fueled the information she had on me in the same way.

Upon return to the table, I took her hand in mine and drew her from her seat. Pale, cool fingers whose grasp was as lifeless as they felt, felt so small in my hands. Their tips were the velvet of a rose’s petals.

Not long after she stood, her eyes were fixed on me once more.

“I tire of this.” I forced the two of us to leave the roaring fire and the dancing, the tables and the food, and the festivities for the comfort of the darkened forest. 

“I just wanted to apologize for that night. I wasn’t… I wasn’t in my right mind.”

“I had forgotten it,” the lie slipped through my teeth so casually. “Why do you always bring up such stupid things?”

“You may be right,” Rosaline tightened her grip on my hand, reminding me that I hadn’t bothered to let it go, “I’m sorry.”

She stopped in her tracks and stared directly into my eyes. “I only worried that since you left so early that you may have been disappointed or… perhaps regretful.”

I scoffed, “Why would I worry over something so useless as regret.” My own hands tightened around hers, crushing her fingers with a vise that ensured that she wouldn’t free herself from it.

Not a word or complaint escaped from her but Rosaline did flinch before trying to regain her composure. I squeeze a little harder and her face contorted even more.

“Mattathias?” She winced. Her confusion was only natural, but so was my reaction.

Taking her other pale hand in mine, I thrust her against the trunk of a large tree. Condensation rain down on us as the limbs shook. “Do you fear me?”

“I could never.” She seemed so confident in saying it, but the look in her eyes told me otherwise.

“You should,” I ground the back of her hands into the bark.
Rosaline didn’t struggle at all. Those storm colored eyes just continued to watch me from beneath those white lashes. As they were, it was just too delicious to leave it alone. I stole a kiss from her, holding myself against her so she couldn’t escape it.

“Please, Mattathias….” Rosaline called in between the pauses I took to get a good look at her distress, “I don’t want…”

“You don’t want this?” I pushed my lips against hers again and ran my hand through the knots lacing up her dress.

“No…” She gasped again and still refused to struggle. I wanted to see her struggle against my strength and still lose; it seemed as if she had a different way of playing this game. 

Her dress slowly slid across her white skin and eventually down to the ground. The roses bloomed on the floor of the forest, and from the center sprouted a pale, thin figure who shined as the moon in the middle of the night sky.

There was no one around, and even if there was, I doubt they would try to help the daughter of their oppressor. No one could even hear her soft pleas. I hid the two of us behind the cover of my wings, blending the us into the darkness of the forest.

She hung her head, hiding her face behind silver curls and away from me. I leaned down just enough to meet her eyes once more. Was she going to cry? It would be so beautiful to see her cry.

I felt along her collar and down to her breast, all while keeping my gaze firmly attached to hers. I followed her as she tried to hide, moving her head slowly from one side to the next in an attempt to escape.

“This is the last ritual we have before the coming of age is complete. You’ve been so important to me that it was only natural that I would choose you.” I smiled at her and interlaced my fingers through hers as I held both of her hands with only one of mine.

“Please, no, Mattathias,” Rosaline pled again, a tear painted her cheek, where I kissed it away. The salty taste of her distress only served to make me want her more than I ever had.

My hand caressed her; making my way across hills and resting only when I met the valley. My lips moved across the side of her neck, where I felt her tense up the most. I returned my gaze to the deep pool of her eyes. A look of shock rippled through them as I followed the trail all the way to its end.

Her once porcelain face had contorted completely. Tears became waterfalls that rushed down every crease until it found the bottom of her chin.. The sound of her sobs became loud and clear, “I’m sorry, Mattathias!”

She continued, only interrupted by ugly sobs, “I’m sorry for being naive.” All attempts to hide her broken facade were futile, but she still tried, her curls becoming a mess across her shoulders and face.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

“I’m so sorry that I drank from you.”

“I’m sorry I hadn’t left the castle. I’m sorry I couldn’t understand the plight of your family. I’m sorry I didn’t help them!”
“I’m sorry for asking stupid questions!”
“Please forgive me. Please forgive me…”

Rosaline continued like that, despite the fact that I had already pulled my hand away.

Instead of getting angry at me, Rosaline had resolved to ask for forgiveness and to apologize. I had never imagined it to have gone so differently from what I anticipated, from what I wanted. 

But here I was, tearing her down into the same person her father had created. There was this ache knowing that this was probably the same way she had been conditioned to avoid her father’s abuse. I had become no better than him in her eyes.

And in mine. 

I wanted to see her cry, but not like this. I wanted to see her pain, but this wasn’t right. Everything I wanted had been distorted into a very different goal, a goal that I had been denying myself for some time now.

No one else could see her cry or the faces she could make while in pain, not even her father. I wanted to make sure of that. Those things were reserved for me, only. Rosaline needed to be protected, as I had been originally assigned to do. I understood now.

She slumped to the ground as my grip completely faded away. Her sobs were still filled with apologies, her face was ugly… No.

Her face was beautiful. The way it scrunched up, the crystalline tears raining down her cheeks that caught shards of moonlight, it was all so beautiful. Rosaline was beautiful and I adored it. 

My hands wrapped around her, bringing her half naked body against mine. Such a cool body but holding it felt so warm. Soft pale skin made from velvet rose petals, kissed by the moon itself. The crevice of her neck smelled like a garden.

I felt all of the pent up rage withering away as I held Rosaline close. Tears stained my shoulder and the side of my face.
I couldn’t bring myself to say sorry. That wasn’t something I could ever do.

My teeth brushed against her neck as I opened my mouth to taste her for the first time.

A delicate but firm voice whispered into my ear, “That’s the only thing I will struggle against, Mattathias.”

“You know what happens if you do.”

“I’m dead either way.” A Vampire could drink the blood of an Incubus, but if an Incubus drank the blood of a vampire, it meant certain death. Vampire blood was a poison to those who weren’t born in their bloodline.

Between Aubin and Ambrosius, I was likely to be killed after what I attempted. Between being tortured to death and getting to drink from a divine fountain, I would gladly choose the poison.

As if reading my mind, something I had come to expect from Rosaline, she responded, “I’m worried about you, not my father or my brother.”

“You’re naive if you think they won’t find out.” I kept my face buried in her neck, breathing in the beautiful flowers.

Rosaline always said such stupid things. I wanted to trust her, I wanted to have faith, but there was no way I could.

“I’m not going to tell them,” She assured me and I couldn’t figure out why she was willing to let me get away with what I had done. 

“Why not?”

“I’m not really certain…” her voice trailed off before coming back almost like a whisper, “I thought maybe I would have let you have me, but in the end I wasn’t ready.”

“I felt that you must have been just as confused as me. Our cultures, they’re different. Yours drives you to act certain ways that I may not understand. I don’t want you to feel like you’ve lost that or need to lose it, but the way we Vampires do things is also different from what you expect.”

“I wondered: Are we sharing the same feelings in different ways?”

The thought lingered, seeping into every memory and drowning them in a different light. Was my form of adulation different from hers?

While there were doubts, there was this nagging feeling that all this time I coveted her. It was more than just lust, although that had played a large role in getting me to the confusion I now felt.

I didn’t have an answer for her.

She thought to let me have my way with her, as if she wouldn’t have minded as long as it was me.

For my race, it was a given right that we could copulate with as many different partners as we wished. As adults, it was the way we survived and fed. It was just survival.

For Rosaline, it was something much more precious and rarely given.

And I did covet that. I wanted to ruin her until it was only me that she wanted. Never with the expectation that she didn’t need to be ruined to want to be with me.

I released Rosaline from her imprisonment, thinking that she was still too naive to have forgiven me so quickly. She pulled her dress back around her moonlit skin, carefully tying it at the back, though it remained loose. Her hands trembled as they fumbled the ribbons betwixt fingers.

Removing my coat, I covered her shoulders with the fur lapel and black wool. “You should stop asking stupid things.”

Rosaline withdrew her gaze and opted to stand up, although hesitantly. The horns on her head fell to the ground with a light thud. I retrieved them and stared at what was essentially a collar I had put on her to claim her as mine. I still wanted this. I still wanted it so badly.

“You should go back to the castle now.”

Her hands, reddened and bruised, clasped together around mine, “Not without you.”

I couldn’t look away from the damage I had caused. The wounds drawn by me was a perfect metaphor for my feelings towards her. There was no resolve to move one way or another; they were beautiful because I had caused it, but I also ruined them. I adored her. I wanted her… and I wanted her to suffer, but only by my hand.

Pulled along by Rosaline, I followed in her hand while contemplating my feelings. She checked on me every few steps, her stormy eyes washing over me. No emotion filled her eyes and she had become like the blank sheet I had met on the first day I entered the castle.

“Do you fear me?” I asked again.

“No. I never could,” that same answer with the same confidence she had given me before, “but I don’t know that I can trust you.” Rosaline’s pupils shifted to the side before her eyes fell beneath that forest of glittering white lashes.

“You would be naive to.” Maroon strands fell across my face while I stared down at the pitch colored forest floor. I felt the weight of the bones hanging from my neck.“One day I will ruin you completely.”

“But until then, I will protect you with my life.”