Volume 2 Chapter 4: It was never about us

Vol 1: https://www.honeyfeed.fm/novels/21882

Note; Past shin(Young shin) Future shin (Shin)

......................................

"What did happen that time with me? ummmmmm..

Oh!!! i remembered now i saw my butler, his nephew killing me again and again but then tears begin falling from butler eyes after many deaths of mine..

How many was death of mine total?

I guess, it was around ninety nine hundred million billion " Shin whispered

"Hey, who the hell are you really?

What is your name?

And who the hell has that much power to summon others from their worlds while they are dead? Tell me." young shin said.

"At last, he spoke like i did....

Looking at that back now, i hated my own self huh?

So, the answer to his question would be.... would be.....what it would be?

let's say what on my mind...

So, here is the clue that i am you my younger self" Shin whispered, with still no emotion.

"Oh my, please ask slowly you have asked so many questions at one time.

Let's start from answering your first question, I am just a human

You can call me Shen, it is a name from my favourite anime" Shin said.

"Huh? You have a real name too right? The name shen will be your second name right?" young shin asked.

Suddenly, "pppffffhhh......." a laugh come out of his mouth..

"You freaking psycho! Why are you laughing? Because of anything I said" young shin asked.

"Did i asked this question to my self huh?

Did i took the word 'i took the name from anime like you' as a joke that time..

I didn't realize it was me all along" Shin whispered

"Y-You! Freaking *** hole what is wrong with you huh? Did your family have kicked you out of home? Or your life is like hell huh?" Young shin, angered.

"Now, i realized even a little word can damage someone completely

If you don't know about someone's life then you don't have right to speak ill out of your damn mouth" Shin said, his emotion which arive after decades gone again....

"I am not here to answer your question A** hole"

"What did you just said now?" Young shin, angered.

"Hey, right now" Shin whispered..

A knife pulled on young shin from behind....

"What the heck happened?" Young shin said.

"Beautiful....beautiful"

"Now, act as you are his butler but with lost memories...

Ask me like i teached you what to ask to young shin"

"So, lets begin this round to outlimit your powers" Shin said...

After, many deaths of my past self around ninety nine hundred million billion...

"This is one hundredth million billion times right? There is no way I could be wrong about counting" Young shin asked.

"Huh? Sorry to say that but you are wrong... The real counting of your death is ninety nine hundred million billion *** hole" Shin said.

"Huh? I think you are right because my brain was stopped for some deaths" Young shin said.

"You are right and I know you are saying right" Shin said.

"Do you know? My family? I had no one except butler and his brother son.

I know sometimes they both act like jokers and showed me things which I shouldn't watch but it gave me some strength too.

It make me different, when other boys was lost in lust I was one to ignore that because I had learned about this from early age so I had no habits to do what most boys do over lust.

So I really am glad to take them us my family" Young shin said, with a gentle smile tears were falling from my eyes.

The clones did as shin said.......

Act like you remember him and say like you care about him

"Act like the way i said you.........

After all, you are nothing more than my pawn aren't you" Shin said, with a rudiculous smile on his face

......................................

"What did happen that time with me? 

Oh!!! i remembered now i saw my butler, his nephew killing me again and again but then tears begin falling from butler eyes after many death of mine..

How many was death of mine total?

I guess, it was around ninety nine hundred million billion " Shin whispered

"Hey, who the hell are you really?

What is your name?

And who the hell has that much power to summon others from their worlds while they are dead? Tell me." young shin said.

"At last, he spoke like i did....

Looking at that back now, i hated my own self huh?

So, the answer to his question would be.... would be.....what it would be?

let's say what on my mind...

So, here is the clue that i am you my younger self" Shin whispered, with still no emotion.

"Oh my, please ask slowly you have asked so many questions at one time.

Let's start from answering your first question, I am just a human

You can call me Shen, it is a name from my favourite anime" Shin said.

"Huh? You have a real name too right? The name shen will be your second name right?" young shin asked.

Suddenly, "pppffffhhh......." a laugh come out of his mouth..

"You freaking psycho! Why are you laughing? Because of anything I said" young shin asked.

"Did i asked this question to my self huh?

Did i took the word 'i took the name from anime like you' as a joke that time..

I didn't realize it was me all along" Shin whispered

"Y-You! Freaking *** hole what is wrong with you huh? Did your family have kicked you out of home? Or your life is like hell huh?" Young shin, angered.

"Now, i realized even a little word can damage someone completely

If you don't know about someone's life then you don't have right to speak ill out of your damn mouth" Shin said, his emotion which arive after decades gone again....

"I am not here to answer your question A** hole"

"What did you just said now?" Young shin, angered.

"Hey, right now" Shin whispered..

A knife pulled on young shin from behind....

"What the heck happened?" Young shin said.

"Beautiful....beautiful"

"Now, act as you are his butler but with lost memories...

Ask me like i teached you what to ask to young shin"

"So, lets begin this round to outlimit your powers" Shin said...

After, many deaths of my past self around ninety nine hundred million billion...

"This is one hundredth million billion times right? There is no way I could be wrong about counting" Young shin asked.

"Huh? Sorry to say that but you are wrong... The real counting of your death is ninety nine hundred million billion *** hole" Shin said.

"Huh? I think you are right because my brain was stopped for some deaths" Young shin said.

"You are right and I know you are saying right" Shin said.

"Do you know? My family? I had no one except butler and his brother son.

I know sometimes they both act like jokers and showed me things which I shouldn't watch but it gave me some strength too.

It make me different, when other boys was lost in lust I was one to ignore that because I had learned about this from early age so I had no habits to do what most boys do over lust.

So I really am glad to take them us my family" Young shin said, with a gentle smile tears were falling from my eyes.

"Hey, right now make your tears fall from your eyes and told him the things i am sending you through my mind...

It is a order" Shin whispered

Butler and his brother hands stopped and tears started to fall from their eyes.

"Hey, y-you are my master no my grandson I have remembered now" Butler said.

"Yes, I am your grandson even if it is by some fake documents" Young shin said, with a gentle smile.

"What do we say that?

Yes, i remembered now it was a clown...

pfffhhhh" Shin whispered

"You really are Shin Tomoko right?" Butler brother said.

"Yes, I am" Young shin said.

"My grandson, I am really sorry for what I was doing with you" Butler said.

"Don't worry about me, your memories are finally returned I am very happy for you" Young shin said, with a gentle smile.

"Now, Shen can I ask what you have done with my family a moment ago or rather say...

Forget it I don't know how much time has passed, just tell me now what you done with my family" Young shin asked.

"So, let's start from beginning...

At first, I make your butler and his nephew summoned here and erased memories only of you and your family.

Then, I made them alive.

After that I said them to use their previous life talent to kill you and that talent was that your butler was an assassin once and you know what most assassins are good in right?" Shen said.

"Then, do you mean... my butler was a assassin for real...

And that you erased their memories about me and my family...

But you know what? You fallied because the people who loves me most are butler and his nephew or rather say my family.

Because they got their erased memories back..." Young shin said.

"My toungue was so

"You are right..." Shin said.

Suddenly, Shin came close to Young shin.

Next moment, shin bound Young shin hands in chains... not just cold metal, but chains that stole his body to move a bit and turned him into nothing more than a prisoner of his cruel plan.

Let's see if he can endure this...

Wait i know he will...

After all he is my past self isn't he?" Shin whispered

After some moments later, shin said,

"Did you have heard the story called a broken shell?"

"A broken shell? I doesn't have heard..., but stopped at middle of talking.

"This story... why does it seems like something important to me?

I think I heard this from someone previous to me?

But there is no one precious to me other than butler and his nephew then who the hell told me this story?

My father?

My grandfather?

My mother?

My grandmother?

Wait...

My mother... yes I heard it from her when I was a baby.

It was about a boy who was lost in wars because of what the pirates did to his family.

He spent his all childhood in war from age three to sixteen...

Because after sixteen he found happiness but it was not on any planet or universe but in heaven..." young shin \whispered.

"Yes, I heard this story before by my mother so now why did you ask?" young shin asked.

"B-Because I think i am same as him, i am lost in wars which i never want...

I wish to be free... but I know I will only get it in heaven not in this world

I know that even hell will reject me to enter for what I am going to do..." Shin said.

"Uumm... I forgot to told you that your chains are very strong you will never be able to break them and I am not going to do anything with you..

instead i will do with your family include your wife..." Shin said.

"So you aren't going to torture me instead my fam------" I said, but I stopped in middle.

"Hey, If you want then kill me, but please leave my family" I said.

"Don't worry they will not die because I will give them immortality first..." Shen said.

"Hey get ready now it's your turn to act" Shin whispered

Then there arrived yurina tomoko...

Young shin begin asking why his wife is here and then move toward the butler and nephew rather than that to the clone..

" let's get to work..

i have to control my emotions

i have to endure the pain i am about to give to my soul" Shin whispered

Shin cut the butler finger and then butler scream

"A-Aaaaag-ggggh-hhhh..." Butler screamed.

Like this Shin kept torturing my butler fifty thousand times in front of young shin with acid and torturing tools...

Then Shin put his hand on butler head and next moment...

Butler memories was erased again...

Suddenly, Shin leaves butler and began to came close to butler nephew who was asleep beside young shin

That was because of Shen spell...

"I am warning you," young shin said, dead eyes." Don't make me suffered that much that I even forgot I had any heart in me.

If you kept suffering me I swear you will be erased your existence" I said, with dead eyes coldly.

"That's exactly what I want," Shen said.

Shen came close to the butler nephew...

The butler nephew was still unconscious, his breathing slow and unware of chaos around him.

With a single motion, Shen wiped his memories from his mind, leaving him empty, hollow... obedient.

"Then, Shen stood tall, his voice echoing unnaturally, like a decree from some twisted gods.

"Listen carefully, From now on, you both will now do what I will say, you both will only serve me"

Shin looked at young shin... eyes soulless, smile cruel then shin said,

"Your only task... Your only task is to destroy everything shin loves"

young shin froze.

Shen turned his gaze to the girl beside young shin... my wife... who was watching in fear, chained and trembling.

"You will do exactly what I say,

Go now... violate her. Take everything from her. Shatter her completely... break what's left of her soul" he said coldly.

"No matter how cruel. No matter how vile. You won't even know it's wrong... because I have taken your hearts away."

young shin body trembled.

young shin felt like vomiting.

young shin soul screamed.

"If you touch her... if you even breathe wrong..."

"Then what?" Shin interrupted. "You will kill me? You can't even blink without my permission."

"Awesome!! he is accepting all the lies we are saying...

i have the power to remove the memories but i am not using any of it right now

and why would i even use it for? my clones are enough..

And also butler and his nephew clone is acting very best"

Shin smiled.

"This your punishment, Shin. To watch everything you love... shatter."

My voice broke.

"I swear, Shen. I will erase you from all timelines... even if I lose myself doing it."

Shin stepped back, watching with that same twisted smirk.

The girl... young shin wife ... lay trembling, barely covered. Her voice had vanished.

Her eyes were empty.

young shin screamed, voice broken, fists bloddy from pounding against the chains.

"STOP IT!"

Tears was keep falling from young shin eyes like water from cloud In speed.

But Shin does not laughed or cried instead

"Even if she is just a clone created by me ,she was once my wife...

And right now i am making her do this"

Shin started to punch his self very hard...

"My mind is being broken...

I can't see this anymore..

But i have to do this" Shin whispered

Then after a while Shin begin laughing knowing what they've done.

And yet... silence said everything.

The shame, the slintness, the way she couldn't meet her eyes.

Something had been stolen... and it would never return.

Like this she was violated ninety-nine hundred million times right in front of young shin... and young shin was there, watching. Helpless. Pathetic.

Just like when shin saw Elwin melt.

Just like when the masked man killed young shin mother. Just like when they broke young shin butler, tore apart his nephew... again and again.

And young shin did nothing.

Nothing.

"Sorry, butler my friend , sorry my wife because now i am not feeling anything but a feeling to kill young shin fast as I can without giving any suffering to him.

I just want to give him a peaceful dead.

I just want him to not feel what I felt, what Elwin felt, what butler felt , what his nephew felt , what my mother felt.

I just feeling a light in my heart..." young shin whispered.

Next moment, the chains broke in pieces...

young shin could feel it now.

A surge within young shin

Not rage.

Not fear.

Power.

A power beyond anything young shin had ever known.

"At last... your power has finally awakened huh?" Shin said, voice clam...

But young shin could hear the happiness beneath it.

young shin didn't say a single word.

young shin stepped forward. Slowly, Deliberately.

"What happened? Are you that scared your feets are not moving now?" Shin said.

young shin stay slient stepping toward Shin.

young shin stepped forward. Or rather, I ceased to be bound by time.

In the time it took for a Planck moment to flicker, Shen's defense shattered.

Or as that time his younger self thought it..

"So, now i have to get out of here to reach the mirrors place so i can give my self most cruel moment i had in my life.

Many years......"Shin whispered.

Younger shin moved toward shin with speed of planck

And next moment, he was dead by the hand of younger shin, or rather it was younger shin thoughts...

Because, shin went to the time around where he experienced the tree .....

"I am in front of the tree now....

If only i didn't remember everything i would be able to at least.....just..... feel like remembering but can't be help i already remember everything" Shin said, with emotionless face which don't even have one expression...

Then he moved his eyes toward the tree and there he saw, young shin after enduring the pain because of tree....

Or rather past himself...

Shin whispered "I still,....I still remember, when i said that...."

Flashback,

"I swear, If i ever return to my world I will burn all truck factories"

Back to the present...

"Now, remembering that unware of the truth...it was foolish of me...." Shin whispered

Younger shin laughed because of the suffering he just had..

Then, he moved his had toward the mask man he sees

The one who give him pain after pain......

Who was himself but from future..

I know, I had killed you then so how are you alive? Tell me Shen! now..." Young shin asked.

"Asking myself how am i alive is strange isn't it?" Shin whispered

"I have surprise for you wanna see it?" Shin asked.

"Surprise? What surprise do you have for me?

I know you aren't that kind of man who give happiness to others so what surprise do you have" Young shin asked.

"Get ready it will be begin in ten seconds" Shin answered.

"Ten seconds? So long for me..." young shin said.

"The arrangements are done, just need to provide now" Shin whispered

"Don't worry you will get a better surprise by waiting for ten seconds" Shin said.

"Really?" young shin asked.

"Now five seconds remains be ready for your surprise... Five..." Shin said.

"You even start counting huh?" young shin asked.

Young shin was lost in thoughts..

"Four..." Shin said.

Still.....

"Three..." Shin said.

"I am ready for your surprise now" young shin said.

"Two..." Shen said.

"Come on, count fast as you can! I have a lot of works I have to do, you bastard..." young shin said

"One..." Shin said.

"Yes, now show me what is my surprise now, you dumbass..." young shin said.

Shin raised his hand and then clapped.

Suddenly, a swarm of insects came out of nowhere...

"And now..." Shin said.

"Thing you or i are scared of...." Shin whispered

"Why am i hearing wings sound, it is almost like the sound i hate" young shin said

"Yes, they are that..

The thing you are scared of.....

Insects" Shin shouted 

"W-What is this?

Stop!!

Stop this now Shen!!

Please!!" young shin screamed.

"I turned all of this universe into insects for time you outlimits yourself after that everything would be like they was before" Shin whispered

"You are afraid from insects...

So, I thought of a way to get what i want... I turned entire universe into insects.

And just now, I have teleported them all here. Now, I am watching you panic.

You are afraid from insects, aren't you right?" Shen asked.

Young shin after lost in thoughts long moments begin begging,"please...... Please stop them i beg you"

 "I will never stop them...

I want to see your power strong then before...

So show me Shin..." Shen said.

"No I can't...

"I am not even able to move so, how will I be able to show my power to you" Young shin shouted

"I will not save you, Shin, Enjoy your suffering forever," Shen said.

Shin doesn't stopped...

All the insects who were young Shin relatives kept coming near shin...

"Don't come close to me!! I will kill you if you come close to me!! I swear I will!" Young shin screamed.

They didn't stop.

In fact... they kept crawling closer.

Closer... and closer... until Young shin could feel his heart... the buzzing, the twitching, the way their tiny legs scratched against his skin.

Hundreds... no, thousand... of grotesque insects that once wore the faces of relatives.

They dug into young shin flesh with their mandibles.

Tiny teeth gnawed into young shin arms, legs, throat, eyes.

He screamed...

He begged...

He crawled at his own body to rip them off...

but they were already inside.

Inside his mouth...

Inside his ears...

Inside his eyes...

Inside his stomach...

In fact all body...

"Ah... Agh... A-Aaaaaaag-gggggggh-hhhhhh" Young shin scremed.

His own voice turned into a gurgle of blood and chewed muscle.

He wasn't dying quickly.

No... he was being devoured, slowly, alive, piece by piece... as if his suffering was some divine feast.

He couldn't move.

Couldn't think.

Only feel...

And in that agony, he reliazed...

No one would save him

Next moment...

he died...

But my curse... like always... activated and brought him back to life, regenerating his torn body...

He was regenerating 

They didn't stop.

No... they began to eat Young shin again...

Not normally but violently.

Agh...

Ah...

Ngh...

NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-!!!

Screams didn't mean anything anymore.

Pain didn't mean anything anymore.

But Young shin still screamed.

Because his soul hadn't given up on the idea that someone...

Anymore...

Would hear Young shin .

The insects...

No...

The demons in their skins...

Kept eating me.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Not normally but violently...

"AH-AAGGHHHHHHHH!!"

"NGHHHHHH...!!"

"I... I DON'T WANT THIS...!!"

Their fangs dug deeper than before.

This time into his spine.

The next time into his heart.

The next time... into his eyes,

Into his genitals,

Into his head.

And when he died...

He came back.

He always came back.

Not because he wanted to.

But because his curse made it so.

This wasn't rebirth.

It was a sentence.

An enternal punishment.

Every time he regenerated, the pain felt worse.

The insects remembered where he was weakest.

Where the nerves were most sensitive.

Where he twitched the most.

Where he begged the fastest.

And they went for it.

Agh.

Ngh.

NAAAAAAAAAAAA-!!

Young shin screamed until his lungs collapsed.

Young shin screamed until he bit through his tongue.

he screamed until his souls cracked.

And then... it started again.

Hundredth time...

They devourted his stomach.

Thousand time...

They are through his face while he watched in a reflection of blood.

Ten thousand time...

They tore through his lower jaw and chewed the inside of his throat.

Million times...

They climbed into his body through his eye sockets.

Billion times...

he laughed...

Not because it was funny...

Because it was the only sound left that didn't hurt.

But then Shen...

He watched from above...

Arms crossed...

Face expressionless.

Not a god.

Not a demon.

Just a person with no empathy.

"Show me your strength, Shin," he said again.

 He died.

Again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

.......................................

" I am suck out of this freakin game" Shin shouted

Then... suddenly... shin raised his hand.

That voice, sharp as steel, cut through my haze.

"You... Why the hell are you not showing your powers, huh?!" Shin asked.

His tone carried anger... real, sharp anger... but his body... his body was still calm or rather.

Controlled...

"What do you mean?

I can't understand it...

Please... explain me," young shin asked, my voice trembling

Young shin whispered under his breath, "This makes no sense... none of it..."

"Shut up"

Shen's voice snapped through the air like a whip.

His eyes glimmered with that same cold amusement.

"Do you want to see your family suffered?!" Shen roared, his words echoing in my skull like the toll of his funeral beel.

"... What the heck... did you just said?

Are you psycho?

At first, you suffered my family infront of me.

You stood there and watched them break.

And now...

You have the nerve to ask if I enjoy seeing them like that?" Young shin asked.

"I knew it from start," I spat. "I was right about you.

You are a freakin' psycho. That's all you are" Young shin said.

"Hey, all of you stop there now" Shin through his power which only allow those to hear him who he want,,,,,

The next moment, the insects stopped moving.

Their skittering silence felt heavier than their noise ever did.

Then... slowly... they turned toward Shen, like they were answering his unspoken call.

His lips curved into a thin, chilling smile.

"Let me tell you," Shin said softly, almost kindly.

"Your next suffering will be... that you will live as an insect.

Every year...

Every month...

Every day..."

"W-What do you mean?

Spend year as insect?" Young shin asked.

"E-Every day...?"

My voice cracked.

"W-What do you mean?

Spend... a year as an insect?"

Shin didn't hesitate.

His calm, measured tone made the words worse.

"For now... until twenty thousand years from now," Shin said.

"Every year... your soul will be reborn inside a new insect,"

The world seemed to tilt under young shin.

"In simple words," shin continued, almost as if shin were explaining to a child,

"The first year, your soul will be trapped inside cockroach.

The next year... your soul will be in dragonfly.

And then beetle. And so on."

His smile widened, the kind that didn't reach his eyes.

"This will continue without end, Shin.

Twenty...

Thousand.

Year..." Shin said.

"And don't worry about being dead because every time you die you will heal automatically.

Enjoy Shin, see you later" Shen said.

He felt bile rise in his throat.

He chest tightened.

The thought of crawling in filth...

Tasting rot...

Being crushed under boots...

Over and over again...

Burned itself into his mind.

"Enjoy, Shin," Shin said lightly, turning away as if this were nothing more than a casual farewell.

"See ya."

And then...

Without a warning...

Young shin vision warped.

The world twisted into something alien, suffocating.

When he opened eyes again... It wasn't himself

he was inside a cockroach...

The reliazation hit him like a knife through skull.

his body...

his skin...

his hands...

All gone.

In their place... thin, jagged legs.

Antennae twitching without his command.

A body he didn't understand, yet couldn't escape.

It was the single most horrifying thing that had happened to him.

Because I have always been terrified of insects.

Behind him...

Beside him..

In front of him...

Everywhere.

Cockroaches...

Their twitching wings brushed his skell.

Their countless black eyes... empty yet aware... stared without a blinking.

Seeing them so close... no one could ever smile again.

he reliazed, he was wedged inside some damp, foul-smelling hole in the corner of a washroom.

his new body's instincts twiched at the darkness, but his human mind screamed to get out.

he wanted to cry.

he wanted to scream.

But he couldn't.

Because if he made a sound...

If they knew he was something different...

They do turn on him.

They do something he couldn't even imagine.

So he ran.

he scuttled through the hole, his legs moving with a speed and alien rhythm that wasn't his.

The stench of rot clung to his senses.

he just needed to find somewhere...

Any where...

Without them.

he made it outside...

For one brief moment, he thought he was safe.

Then a shadow fell over him.

A massive foot came down... fast.

The impact crushed him instantly.

Bones... or whatever counted as his bones... shattered.

his vision went black.

But the foot didn't stop.

He didn't give me the mercy of one blow.

The foot came again.

And again.

And again.

Each time, pain flared before darkness claimed him.

Why?

Because to foot... this was nothing.

To foot, the scene wasn't a man screaming in another body.

It was just a filthy insect crawling out of a hole.

Like this world works...

...

Ugly things aren't allowed to exist.

Human hate cockroaches and insects like it.

So that man killed him.

Just like everyone else did.

"I remember, Shin was saying I will be regenerate right?" he whispered.

...

he was died.

But when he opened my eyes...

he was back in the hole.

Same smell.

Same deep walls.

Same swarm of cockroaches pressing against his body.

For a moment, he thought maybe he had dreamed it.

That's the foot, the crushing pain...

It was just some twisted hallucination.

But then the panic hit him.

He remembered.

Every detail.

The sound of his shell crackling.

The suffocating pressure.

The darkness that swallowed me whole.

And then... reliazation.

Shen lied.

Shin said he would "regenerate," that he'd live on, year after year, in different insects.

But this...

This wasn't life.

It was a time loop.

The exact same moment.

The exact same death.

Over and over.

he tried running a different way...

The shadow fell over mhim.

The foot came down.

Crushed.

he tried to hide in the corner...

The shadow fell over him.

The foot came down.

Crushed.

He tried not moving at all...

The shadow fell over shin.

The foot came down.

Crushed.

There was no escape.

Seconds...

Minutes...

Hours...

Days...

Years...

Time had no meaning here... only the cycle.

At first, he screamed each time the foot crushed me.

Then he begged.

Then he whispered for help.

Then... he stopped speaking altogether.

Because he reliazed... there was no one to hear him.

Shin's voice returned after I'd died enough times that I no longer feared the foot... only the waiting before it comes.

"Oh," he said casually, as through speaking through the walls of the hole, " I forgot to mention...

I lied about the insects thing, too"

Young shin legs twitched involuntarily,

"What...?"

"It's not a few thousand year, Shin.

It's not even millions."

he felt the swarm around his still, as through they too were listening.

"It's trillion if you didn't die single time and get back to past.

Every time...

You will be a different insects.

No repeats...

Not ever..."

His mind blanked.

"Trillions...? If i didn't die?

If i die...

The years counting depend on how many times i die." He whispered.

Shin's voice became most playful.

"A mosquito... buzzing in the dark, swatted into pulp.

A maggot... wriggle in rot until something eats you alive.

A termite... chewling in the shadows until a shadows until a poison seeps into you.

A dragonfly... your wings torn off by the wind before you can flee.

A wasp... burned in gasoline for sport.

An ant... working endlessly only to be drowned in rain.

And yes... plenty of cockroaches.

Every shape.

Every size.

Every hell you can imagine."

I wanted to vomit, but this body had no throat for it.

"And you will remember," Shen continued.

"Every death.

Every pain.

Every moment of hunger when you eat.

When you swore you never could.

You will remember being eaten alive, piece by piece, knowing you are still concious inside what's left.

You will remember the feel of children shoes crushing you fun.

The poison melting you from the inside.

The cold when your tiny body freezes solid in winter, too slow to move"

I tried to shut his mind, but it didn't work.

His words carved into him, already painting the scenes in perfect detail.

"Enjoy, Shin," Shin whispered. ".. what year is it for you now?

Ten?

A hundred?

A billion?

Or...

Still the first?"

The hole went slient.

Then he was a fly... trapped in a spider's web, legs snapping one by one as the silk tightened around Younger shin.

Then he was a moth... slamming into a street light's burning glass until wings caught fire.

Then he was a beetle... crushed between a child's fingers, split open while he was still alive.

Then he was worm... half his body swallowed by a bird, the rest still wriggling as he slid down its throat.

Then he was butterfly... beautiful, just for someone to pluck his wings and laugh at the crawling husk that remained.

Then he was a mantis... my head bitten off by my mate before he'd even finished moving.

And through it all... he remembered.

he remembered the hole.

he remembered the foot.

he remembered Shen's voice.

And the worst part?

he had no idea if I he'd even made it past day one.

Oh... forgot to mention

he never had any regenerating.

What he had... was something far worse.

When ever he died, he don't heal.

he don't restart.

Instead... he go back.

Back to the moment his feet first touched the path of that life.

If he was a cockroach, he return to the his cockroach life begining.

If he was butterfly, he start again from the first flag of his wings.

Death doesn't erase the suffering.

It just drags him back to the very beginning...

... So that he can live it all over again.

The years blurred together... no, not years, it was centuries.

Millennia.

Trillion year.

If he add how many time he get to back in time and adding it how much time he have spend then it will be far way than Trillion.

If he count how many times he was thrown back...

How many lives he was forced to replay from the start...

It wasn't just trillion years.

It was something far beyond numbers.

his total deaths?

Far away than trillion.

It's not just number to him.

It's not something he can write on paper and feel nothing.

Every time he lived, he died.

Every time, he was eaten by someone.

Every time, he was killed by someone.

Every time, he was trapped by someone.

And sometimes... perhaps the cruelest of all...

he was loved by someone... in ways so toxic that even his heart rotted before his body did.

Love... yes.

That's four letter word.

Insects don't understand it, but he did.

Even when he was a crawling thing beneath the soil, something in his mind, something that shouldn't have been there, remembered.

And when spider wrapped him in silk and held him close before sinking its fang in, he almost thought...

This is warmth.

But warmth doesn't last.

It turns cold.

It turns into venom that burns until mind goes white, until your body bursts, until he can't even scream because he don't have lungs anymore.

When he was fly, he knew hunger.

When he was an ant, he knew slavery.

When he was moth, he knew beauty... and how quickly beauty dies when it touches the wrong light.

But time never moved the way it should.

When he have been alive for a trillion years, a single heartbeat feels like an entire century.

When he have been alive for a trillion years, even the sky changes colour in ways it was never meant to.

Sometimes, he thought maybe he'd reached the end.

Sometimes, the teeth were already closing in, the acid already dissolving him...

And he thought, Yes.

Finally.

This one will be the last.

But It never was.

Everytime he died, he opened eyes somewhere else.

Chapter 4 ended

Note; Read the vol 1 to feel and understand the story better it is not too long it has only 6 chapters give it a try