My counsel

I must have been more nervous about the coming conversation than I had expected, because I was on campus a whole half-hour before our training session was supposed to start. I hadn’t seen Touka in almost a week, and honestly, I was starting to get antsy. I didn’t know her well enough to have any clue how she’d treat me after our conversation a week prior. Would she think I was just trying to make a move on her and hate me for it? Would she think the atmosphere between us would be too awkward? Would she even show up at all? Honestly I’d gotten myself in a right tizzy thinking about it all.

And apparently I was not particularly hiding it well.

“I really never thought I’d see my most overconfident student jittering like an addict in withdrawal,” said an annoyingly familiar voice from behind me. “Did Touka’s right hand already put the fear of god in you?”

I jumped at the intrusion of the unexpected voice. Apparently I was even more on edge than I thought.

“Counsellor… was it really that obvious that I’m worried about something?”

“Well you were shaking like an Asian parent looking at a C on a report card, so I figured you were either really goddamn cold, or worried. And considering you're wearing a hoodie in May, I’m gonna assume it’s the latter.”

“You really are the worst guidance counsellor ever,” I muttered, not meeting his eye. “...it is about Touka, but it’s not about boxing…”

I glanced up at him, and saw the smirk on his face change to a slight frown, and his eyebrow raise just slightly.

“...you’ve still got a little while before Touka gets here, right?”

“Yeah?”

“...let’s talk in my office for a bit.”

***

“So. How did you fuck this up already?”

“Why does everyone automatically assume I fucked something up?!”

“A basic understanding of who you are and how you act?”

“...alright, that’s fair.” I didn’t want to concede that, but I’m not a liar. “But it’s not what you’re thinking, alright? Just hear me out…”

I explained the situation to the counsellor the same way I told it to Mai the week before. I felt a little guilty that I was spilling Touka’s secrets yet again, but as a guidance counsellor he was bound to confidentiality. I may have hated the bastard but he was technically a professional.

When I finished explaining, he didn’t say anything for a moment. He seemed to just be looking on in deep thought. Where was all this thoughtfulness when you were dealing with my problems, asshole?

“I didn’t expect it to happen this fast…” he muttered under his breath.

“...Counsellor? What do you mean ‘this fast?’”

He met my eye, then stood up from his chair and ran his hands along a bunch of binders in the bookshelf behind him. They all had years them, culminating in the most recent “2026/27” binder.

“Despite your insistence that I’m ‘more of an overpaid bully than a guidance counsellor,’ I’ve been helping students through their problems for a good six years now. Most of them are related to adjusting to uni life, forming study habits, keeping up with the workload, that sort of thing. But I also help people with their personal problems. Homesickness, friendships, and even love.”

“Really? What idiot is getting love advice from the divorced guy?”

“...in any case, while I’m qualified to give general advice and encouragement on more personal issues, there’s certain things I can only help with to a very limited extent, since I have little to no experience with them myself. For example, I’m of little use when it comes to students finding their LGBT identity-”

“Well yeah, it was your wife that left you, not your husband-”

“So,” he powered through, gritting his teeth at my utterly hilarious interruption, “in those cases I instead tend to prod them in the direction of fellow students who might be able to help them a little more.”

I tilted my head and looked on at him in confusion. Was he really implying what I thought he was implying?

“...why the hell would you pick me? Not to brag, but most people know me as an irredeemable pervert.”

“There is absolutely no scenario in which that’s a brag,” he sighed, “but your… open nature is exactly why I decided to pair you with Touka. It was only a matter of time until the question of attraction was raised. And despite your outward behaviour, I do know that you genuinely care for people going through the same feelings you yourself have experienced. Your sister has told me as much.”

I sat back in my chair. That brat had been nattering behind my back? I’d have to punish her by washing her lights and darks together when I got home. But at least it didn’t sound like she had said anything bad. Maybe I’ll be nice and do it on low temperature.

“...where do I go from here, counsellor?”

“If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t have had to rely on you in the first place, would I?”

“Yeah… I figured…” I sighed.

“But, if I may give my counsel, and if you’ll actually listen for once, I don’t think you should treat her any differently to how you already have. You’ve opened the doors for her to start thinking things through on her own, but if you suddenly start acting different, those doors are gonna shut hard, and just make that alienation feeling even worse.”

“So, what? Don’t even address it? Carry on as if nothing happened?”

“The exact details are for you to work out. All I can do is point you in the right direction.”

“...you really are the worst guidance counsellor of all time.”

For some reason, that comment earned a smile.

“I know.”

***

The time of our training session came quickly, and my heart was still pounding, but despite how utterly useless that man is, I actually did feel a little calmer after talking to the divorced quack. I’ll have to change my anonymous rating from a one-star to a two-star.

After a short walk down the hallway, I found myself outside the boxing gym’s door, and with a heavy breath, I let myself in.

She was, unsurprisingly, already there. She had been sitting on the table where we normally played chess, putting her boxing wraps on her hands, but stopped dead and looked up at me. She didn’t make so much as a noise.

“H-hey, Touka…” I stammered out, closing the door behind me. I was still very nervous, but I knew getting this conversation out of the way would take a weight off my chest. So I breathed in heavily and started talking again. “...I know the last time we talked was a little… heavy… and I told you I’d be all ears if you wanted to talk about it—which is true! I’m not walking that back or anything! But… I also don’t want you to feel like you owe me a conversation or an answer or anything. If you don’t wanna talk about it, or you’re not sure what to talk about, then… let’s just go back to how we were? Okay?”

Touka looked on at me in silence for a few seconds. My heart beat out of my chest. Then, finally, she smiled, hopped down from the table, and simply said: 

“Let’s start our warmup, Nanako.”