Chapter 15

“Farah, wait!”, Xiaolain called after her.

Farah hesitated for a moment, standing by the door, but then reached for the handle.

“Why?”

She suddenly turned to us, and a wave of fear shook my body as her yellow eyes caught mine, and I dropped my gaze.

“Fine.”

She frowned.

“You want me to help you leave!?”

"Farah…”

My voice shook as I said her name, but I didn’t dare to look at her again.

“It’s okay…”, Xiaolian whispered. “It's… It's not your fault.”

I felt Farah’s gaze on me.

“You only did what you thought was best…”, I tried.

“I screwed up…”

I dared to glance at her. She looked away, but her hand left the doorknob. I didn’t dare to ask how she had known about it or who she was, fearing both the answer and her reaction. I glanced at Xiaolin. She sat staring at the floor, and the meaning of what Farah had told us slowly sank in. She’d…tried to help us. She’d tried to warn us.

I hesitantly reached out to her, and she slowly walked over to us and sat down, and silence filled the room. Xiaolin’s body was trembling next to me, and I could feel the room closing in on me. Everything had been a lie... I wasn’t real… I wasn’t real…

“I’ll help you. I will get you out of here, you will be safe…”, Farah suddenly said.

She reached out and put her arm around us.

“What does it matter? I’m not…”, I whispered, but I couldn’t finish, fearing that saying it aloud would somehow make it more true.

“...real…”

Xialoin ended my sentence, and her whispers sent shivers through my body, tying my stomach into a knot as a wave of nausea washed through me. No, I wasn’t…

Farah let go to look at us.

“You are real to me, okay?"

Suddenly, her face softened, and she tried to smile.

“You both need a shower."

“You too,” I murmured, seeing her dirty face.

She gestured for us, and I got up and took a fresh set of clothes from the wardrobe, not even bothering this time with what I picked up. Xiaolain hesitantly got up, pulled what looked like a fresh pair of onesies from the wardrobe, and we left. I had thought I would go straight to the showers, but the thought of separating suddenly filled me with dread, so we followed Farah to her room.

We waited outside as she stepped in, and I peeked through the door left ajar. The room looked almost the same as ours: clean, organised and lacking any personal touch. How long had she lived here? I wondered who her roommate would be and if they would get along, but I froze when I realised that we would never meet them.

I could hear her rummaging around, pulling some clothes from her wardrobe. Would… would she come with us? What if she didn’t? Xiaolian shuffled closer to me. What if she wouldn’t come…? I froze, suddenly realising my thoughts and the sadness they brought. Were they even mine? I had only known her for two days… I tried to shake my head, hoping it would push away the thoughts, but the movement made me dizzy, and I gasped for air.

“Are you okay, Yuna?”, Xiaolian whispered.

She reached for my hand, but when I turned to look at her, her face was blank as always. Farah stepped out and closed the door behind her, carrying a fresh set of clothes. She gave us a strange look and then headed down the hallway without a word, and we followed her.

The door to the bathroom clicked open as she tapped her watch, and I walked over to my locker and began to undress. Despite everything, I couldn’t break the habit of folding my clothes into a neat pile next to me on the bench when I suddenly became aware of Farah undressing so close to me, and my face flushed with embarrassment. I tried to force myself to look away, but I couldn’t, and she noticed my gaze and looked at me.

“Are you okay, Yuna?”

I fought my instinct to cover myself with my hands, knowing how awkward it would look, and managed to nod, feeling so exposed and vulnerable under her gaze. She unbuttoned her shirt and dropped it on the floor, revealing the round purple scars that covered her body. I shivered. That must have hurt.

“What…happened to you?”, I whispered.

She looked away. Had they done it to her?

“You need to die before they can harvest your soul,” she whispered, and I shivered.

Die… Had she died…? I gasped for air as the sudden realisation dawned on me. Had I…died in that accident…? No, it couldn’t be… I looked down at my body, even though I already knew I didn’t have any visible scars. She must have caught my gaze, and she shook her head.

“It didn’t go as they expected and when they realised it, they patched me up the best they could…”

She sighed and slumped down on the bench, and I sat next to her, trying not to think about how awkward it felt having her naked body so close to mine.

“I had a dog, he died with me… Somehow, we got entangled…”

She sighed and straightened her back, stretching herself.

“Still, it’s better than being dead…”

I shivered.

“Does it hurt?”

I reached out and touched the scar on her chest before realising what I had done, and I pulled away my hand as my face flushed with embarrassment.

“It doesn't. It just looks scary."

She shrugged, looking away.

“Just like you,” Xiaolian said with a smile as she walked over to us.

She was naked, and my stomach twisted, and a wave of nausea flooded my body as I saw the new marks on her chest and belly where her safety pin had pierced her skin. She must have done it just now…

“It's okay, Yuna.”

She reached out and put her hand on my shoulder.

“I needed to feel real…”

I shivered, and she turned her gaze down and whispered,

“It’s okay… It didn’t hurt that much… I got used to it.”

Farah frowned, suddenly seeing what we were talking about.

“You promised not to do it!”

She got up, staring at Xiaolian.

“I am sorry…”

“You should have come… I told you.”

“You were talking, I didn’t want to disturb you…”

She looked away.

“You can always come, I told you that," Farah said softly, and her hand brushed Xiaolian’s cheek. “Okay?”

She nodded, and Farah took her towel and walked over to the shower. I forced myself to get up. My body felt weak and dizzy as fear and embarrassment filled my chest. I stumbled over to my cubicle and let the stream of hot water pour over my tense body, hoping it would wash away the uneasiness.

I poured shampoo into my palm, and the soft scent of roses mingled with hot steam, dissolving all my thoughts. It would be okay… I’d found my missing piece, I was complete… As long as I stayed with Xiaolian, everything would be fine… We didn’t have to be alone anymore. I smiled and closed my eyes as I massaged shampoo into my hair, inhaling the soft fragrance that filled my senses with a strange calm. I was complete…