A Trial of Tears

I’m alive.

Fully restored. All of my wounds, injuries, everything I’ve sustained so far are gone. Completely. The physical ones anyway.

I don’t know how this happened or why. All I know is, that I’m alive.

I’m in some kind of castle. Straight out of the medieval ages. Complete with stone walls, tapestries, banners as well as drafty rooms and hallways.

No windows though. Aside from the stained glass that’s in the chapel I’m sitting in now.

Things have changed. Especially after my talk with the Old Man in the grey room.

Yeah, he was there. Don’t ask me how. He scared the absolute crap out of me when he first appeared.

I had awoken and after getting over the initial shock of being alive and well (Considering I thought I was a goner), I had noticed two things.

First? The body bag. It was empty when I came in the room, but it had a body in it when I woke up. I went to go investigate it and that’s when the Old Man said to me: “I wouldn’t do that.”

I have no shame in admitting I yelped when he spoke. Because there he was, in the flesh. Still smoking that cigarette. No explanation, no sign that he had appeared. He was just there.

He walked over and grabbed me by the shoulder and pulled me up.

“Best to leave the dead alone.”

I nodded slowly and stepped away from the body. He then just stared at me. So I asked him where he had gone.

“I didn’t go anywhere.”

He most certainly did, but when I pressed the matter he insisted he’d been where he’s been the whole time and I didn’t feel like getting into an argument over it.

Second? There was a door in the room. I could get out.

But the Old Man said in very certain terms that: “Things will get harder once you walk through that door.”

When I asked him why he answered: “Because that’s how you get clean.”

He then looked at me thoughtfully with a warm smile. He had lifted his ballcap from over his eyes and I could finally see that they were pure white. No irises no pupils. Just white.

“Good to see you left the house,” he said.

I asked why that was good. He just laughed.

“You’ll find out.”

I tried to pry him about what he was again. He shook his head and told me he had already shown me. When I told him I didn’t understand he merely said: “You will.”

With that, he stretched his arms out and floated through the ceiling and disappeared. He clearly isn’t human. What exactly he wants with me is a mystery. A mystery I’m not going to solve anytime soon. But I do know he never seems hostile. Though I wouldn’t exactly say he’s “helpful” either.

I stared at the door for a long time. I looked at the body bag for a long time. Before I gathered up my courage and stepped through.

It was a short hallway. Pure white. Almost blinding. On the other end was another door.

That’s when I arrived at the castle.

And a short while later that’s when I found her…

…Mom.

As soon as I came out of the white hallway and into the keep I heard things. Passionate things. Intimate things. All coming from a chamber nearby that I knew was hosting something carnal.

The closer I got. The more I recognized the voice. And when I opened the heavy wooden door and looked inside…

…I broke a little.

It was like the pictures. Only it was happening in front of me in real time.

I heard everything. What she said. What they said.

It was agonizing to hear. I wanted to scream.

I wanted to hurt her. Hurt them. To unleash the pain. To wipe away the shame.

Then she looked at me and told me she hated me.

I pointed the shotgun at her. My finger pressed against the trigger. She smiled and called me awful things.

She needed to die.

But then I saw something. On the floor. A syringe. And my finger drew away…

…I ran to her. Shoving the others away. I hugged her. I told her what I wanted to say all this time.

I forgive you.

She snarled at me. Cursed at me. Said things like “she wished I was never born.”

I kept hugging her. I kept forgiving her. Every word.

She pushed me away. So hard I fell back into the corridor outside the chamber. The door closed. And wouldn’t open again.

I cried for a long time. My head resting against the door calling out for her. I wandered the castle, bawling the whole way. Barely able to see anything past my tears. I’m not sure how I ended up in the chapel. I fell down before the altar. And I cried some more. Until I couldn’t cry anymore. I felt as if someone was caressing my head but when I looked up there was no one there.

But there was a whisper.

Soft, feminine. I knew who it was but didn’t at the same time.

“It’s ok.”

Then there was nothing. But I found my legs again and managed to stand up. I looked around but I couldn’t find anyone. And then I realized just how tired I was.

So I’ve decided to camp here for now. I feel safe here. I’ve got the door shut and barricaded, so if anything tries to come in I’ll hopefully hear it and it’ll give me time to react.

I’ll explore some more when I wake up. See where the other doors lead to.

I have plenty of supplies so I should be ok for a while anyway. But eventually I’m going to have to scavenge.

I don’t dare to try to find my way back. Not after what happened.

All I can do is keep moving forward.

I have to find that door.