The First Step-Being

The clock ticked.

Ticked again.

A sigh escaped my mouth. Drops of sweat rolled down my face. I rubbed my hand over my eyes and then shot them open. The room was completely dark, without any silhouettes or shapes, as if it had become empty. I blinked, waiting for my eyes to adjust.

But they didn't adjust. I lay quietly in the darkness.

"Ai-chan?"

My call was met by silence that stretched and filled my ears until they rang. I swung my legs off the bed, lowering them to the floor. My feet submerged in something dark. When I stood, the fluid rose to my ankles.

His blood is a lot. Right?

I heard her voice from somewhere or everywhere in the darkness. My hand touched the knob—

And I was somewhere else.

Five years ago, my name was Sora Fujiwara because of my mother's remarriage after the divorce. We moved into his house. I don't remember his face. I've tried recalling, but the image slips out of my mind like water through fingers. Though I still vaguely remember the sounds of his footsteps, his voice, and the way the floor creaked when he pulled me out of my room.

Life was okay before Mom died. She'd sing in the kitchen. She'd brush my hair and tell me I was good. Then she was gone. I didn't know how. I didn't know why. She just wasn't there any longer.

Leaving me with him. The first step-being.

It was a bright sunny day when I met Ai-san on the bridge. The one at the edge of town. The one with the broken railings. I went there to get away from him. She was already there. Her short purple hair was floating in the wind. 

I stared at her from the corner, holding the railing. She noticed me with a smile and waved at me. "Hey."

I waved back at her, and I think I mumbled, 'Hey'. She walked in my direction and sat down on the ground so she could look at me. "What's your name?"

"S-sora." 

"I am Ai." 

My house wasn't far from the bridge. We'd moved there after Mom married him and Father moved to Europe. I didn't know the neighbourhood. I didn't know anyone. Except Ai-san. Every day I sneaked out to meet her at the bridge. It was our little secret.

Days passed as I continued visiting her. She showed me how to draw and skip stones. She knew many fun things. 

"My momma died." I pulled at my shirt. "Ai-san, he's mean to me."

She looked at the sky, then at me. Without a word she started walking with her hands behind her back. 

"I'm happy I met you here," I said, following her as I ran my hand along the railing. I wanted to know more about her. "Which school do you go to?"

She spun around. "Do you plan to study there when you grow up?"

I nodded, which made her laugh. I didn't know why, but she laughed. And she looked pretty.

"Hey, Sora." Suddenly, she stopped walking. "Do you ever wish you were free from him?"

I froze in place. I thought about it. I didn't know what to say. I ran back home afterwards. My feet hurt; I didn't know why. Her words hadn't left my small head. I decided to call them again that day. I climbed back in through my window and dropped into my room. 

The house was small. Cluttered with clothes on the floor, empty bottles and food left out. I went to the kitchen and found a loaf of bread. Took a bite. The bread was hard and old, but I didn't care.

"Oi, brat!" His voice shook the walls.

The bread slipped from my hands. Hit the floor. I left it there and ran.

"Y-yes, Father."

I stumbled over a bottle and fell. This was normal since the bottles were everywhere. I got up and went to the front door, where he sat on the floor, gripping another bottle. His face was a blur. I couldn't see it. He had eyes, maybe a nose. He looked human from the outside. That's all I know.

"Father?" he snarled and chuckled at his joke. "When will that real daddy of yours come take you?"

I didn't know what he meant.

He grabbed my ankle and yanked. I hit the floor. He twisted my foot until I hissed. He examined the sole, then pressed the bottle's base against it. I screamed into my sleeve. 

"Look here." He pointed at the burns. "The burns are getting better now."

He let go. I scrambled back. My feet throbbed. I had forgotten about the pain when I was with Ai-san. He pulled out a cigarette. I swallowed and moved away. 'I hated it.'

"Get the lighter."

I stood. Pain shot through me. I limped to the table, picked up the lighter, and limped back.

"Get back here already!"

I ran. I forgot it hurt. He held the cigarette close to my face. I pressed the button. Smoke curled up.

"You did it right today. Lucky you!"

I wanted to smile. I wanted to laugh, but I didn't.

"I'm wasting my money on you," he said. "So be worth it."

He stood, walking past me. I slumped on the floor outside his room. I waited for it to become quiet. When he passed out, I went back to the kitchen. The phone hung on the wall. I dialled the number I had memorised because of constant calls.

Ring.

'He wants me gone but...'

Ring.

"Hello, Sora?" Grandma's voice came from the other end.

I tried not to cry. "When are you—"

"We're out of town; your grandfather is still unwell. Just one more month." She spoke too fast. There was noise behind her. There was laughter, maybe from a television.

"Does he hurt you?" she asked.

I opened my mouth. The word I wanted to say was 'yes'. But I'd been told—"No".

"Good. Be good. We'll call soon."

Click.