Chapter 5

                                                                        Kaya

Gerda looked really tired as she sat on the sofa next to me, and I wondered if I could do something for her. Both of us had gone through so much in such a short time, and even though she was better at adapting to sudden changes, I was sure that our escape had taken a toll on her as well.

I sighed. I could do something to help her, but whether I dared was another question. She was the only friend I’d ever had, and I didn’t want to risk pushing her away with my behaviour. Almost everyone else considered me weird at best and absolutely inappropriate the rest of the time. I should consider myself lucky she even wanted to have anything to do with me in the first place, let alone embark on such a journey together, knowing how I was…

I wondered how far her acceptance stretched. I really wanted a friend, but I didn’t know if I should test her limits or be happy with what I had. I hesitantly shuffled closer to her. She didn’t react. I had noticed that she seemed fine with me being close as long as she wasn’t busy. It felt good to behave as a friend should, but sometimes, when I allowed myself to dream of being like everyone else, I realised there were still so many things left to do.

It was silly to think like that, I knew it, and by now I'd almost grown out of such fantasies, but still… Wouldn't it be nice to catch up on all the things I'd missed? Watch a movie together, go out, or do one of those countless things I'd observed but never been invited to.

“We should get some rest," she said suddenly, breaking my stream of thoughts.

So quick…? I stared at her as my desire to take another step and the fear of what might happen if I did crashed together in my mind.

“Hyperspace flight is always automatic, so nothing to worry about," she continued. “It’s been a long day."

I stared at her. I…

“Maybe we could…"

                                                                            Gerda

“A bath?”

I looked at her, surprised. She shuffled away slightly, staring at her hands in her lap. I shrugged. Why not?

“Sure”

She seemed happy with my answer, or at least that’s what I assumed her smile meant. Why did she need to smile all the time? It was…weird and confusing. People never smiled at me like that, but then again, she was different, so the smile could really mean anything, I guess.

She got up, pulling at my hand to follow her, and I rose from the sofa and followed her out and down the hallway. She clung to my arm as she led me through the ship, but to my surprise, I didn’t mind it, so I guess I’d gotten used to it by now. I should probably put an end to it, though. Who knew what else she would do if I let it be, but even so, I couldn’t make myself push her away. I guess I was just tired. Why else would I have such a random stream of thoughts about her all of a sudden?

She led me to the bath, and I hesitated for a moment as she opened the door, but she pulled on my hand, and I was forced to step inside. I shook my head and glanced around. Crap, the room was bigger than my flat, and considering it was on a spaceship, it made it even more insane. The polished wooden floor and a bathtub that could easily fit four people were in stark contrast to the shower bags and daily water ration we were given during our stay on Avicenna. I shouldn’t be surprised after seeing the rest of the ship, but still… At least the definition of 'too much money and too little brain' became clearer in my head.

“How warm do you like the water to be?"

I blinked and glanced at her fiddling with a panel on the wall. What sort of question was that? You open the tap and let the water flow, no need to make it more complicated than it is…

                                                                         Kaya

I set the bath to 37°C, which I guess fitted with the parameters of her shrug. We could always change it if she preferred something else. I was fine with anything, since I loved being in the water and could spend hours submerged in my bathtub, forgetting about the outside world. It was my safe place where I escaped whenever the world around me felt too much, so I felt equally excited and afraid to share it with Gerda.

True, it wasn’t the proper pool party I'd always wanted to attend but had never been invited to, but considering our circumstances, it was a good start, and I felt proud I'd found the courage to suggest it in the first place.

I smiled, undressed, and got into the warm water. It felt so good that only after some immeasurable amount of time had passed did I remember I wasn’t alone. I opened my eyes. She was sitting opposite me with her knees pulled up under her chin.

"A-are you okay?”, I dared to ask

"Yeah," she said without looking at me.

"D-do you want it warmer…or colder…?”

“It’s fine.”

I didn’t know what to do with her answers. Somehow, this experience didn’t feel as I’d imagined it would, but without any clear reference, it was difficult to say why. I’d never realised before that there were other drawbacks to not having friends besides just feeling sad and lonely.

I wished I knew what to say, but my mind went blank every time I tried to formulate a sentence in my head, and I hated it.

                                                                     Gerda

Even if the water were warm and nice, for some weird reason, I just couldn’t relax. At least this time, I was sure it wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t clingy or anything like that, so for sure it wasn’t because of her. And even if she had been clingy, it shouldn’t change anything. I should be used to it by now, considering we’d spent the last week together planning our escape.

At first, I regretted her finding me at my favourite spot behind the school. I used to spend my lunch breaks there, mostly because no idiots came there, and in any case, I didn’t really have any other place to go since sitting in the cafeteria without money to buy anything sucked.

So I’d stood there with my back against the wall, going through a bag of candies that was my lunch because that month the Bitch had managed to get her hands on the money before I did, when Kaya ran in, almost stumbling into me, all shaken and with her face covered with tears.

Yeah, I probably should just leave, but I wasn’t a complete asshole, so I stayed.