Living Large at the Garrison

Aesandoral was screaming. Her loud voice echoed down the halls and reached my sensitive ears, pulling me from the unrestful slumber I had been experiencing. And while her voice was usually one that brought me joy, in this moment, it was something that my untreated hangover did not agree with.

“Wh-what is happening?” I grumbled as I sat up from the chaise longue that I had crumpled into some hours ago.

It was officially the day after we had met with Basil, and the celebration had not yet died down. Since befriending the revolutionary forces and stumbling out of the sketchy murder basement, we had checked into the Gonquin Garrison hotel. Living life large, we decided to splurge for something called 'The Lord's Chamber Package." This ‘special deal’ gave us our own wing of the garrison, which included several rooms over multiple floors, lounging areas, and even a private kitchen. Beyond providing enough space for a sizable entourage, servants and cooks were included, along with all the food, drink and amenities we could ask for. And all it cost us was a hundred gold coins a day.

Currently, I was in the third-floor lounge overlooking the courtyard as I waited for breakfast to be served. The last I recalled, which was a blurry memory at best, Rionriv and Sharzin had been locked in a nearby study, counting out yesterday's reward.

“Iz!” Aesandoral came sprinting from the direction of the study.

With a lunge closer to that of a wild animal than a graceful archer, she tackled me back down onto the couch, giggling. Wrapping her arms around me, she hugged tight enough that my back cracked under her embrace.

“Ah, too tight.” I gasped, confused and, unfortunately, mildly aroused."Too tight!"

My heart raced excitedly. Too excitedly. And, as a result, I began to flail my arms anxiously in an attempt to remove my companion before my little buddy woke up. At the same time, the feeling of the elf pinning me down on the soft couch caused the mental dam of my mind to begin to buckle as a traumatic memory threatened to escape. I wrestled with both fighting back the thought and wanting to give in to my desire to kiss her until, with a gentle shove, I managed to push Aesandoral off me before sitting up. Firmly placing my hands on her shoulders to steady the spinning world, I attempted to focus my attention on the emerald eyes across from me.

“What’s happening?” I asked once again.

“We’re rich. We’re rich!”

“What? Are they already done counting? How long was I out?”

“Think fast.” Sharzin injected herself into the dialogue, tossing a sizable coin purse towards me.

Lazily flailing, I fumbled the heavy bag before cradling it in my arms. It was a dense purse filled to the brim with coins, and a few odd-shaped objects protruding from the bulging cloth. Opening it to glance inside, I stared at the gold that threatened to overflow, before grabbing at the unusual platinum discs that were mixed in.

“What’s this?” I asked as I withdrew the silvery object, noticing something unfamiliar to my author memories. "Another type of currency?"

“It’s a gild, duh,” The rogue explained. “They’re worth a hundred gold coins. Merchants use them for large sums of money. We each received a thousand gold coins and forty gild.”

“Which means,” I coughed, thinking of the five thousand gold we each made from selling the loot to Phyllis as my heart began to race. “We’re fugging rich!”

Grabbing hold of Aesandoral's hands, I pulled her up on top of the couch with me as I began to jump joyfully. We both screamed wildly, the hangover taking a backseat to my excitement as, within moments, Sharzin joined our celebration. Happy screams and cheers echoed through the wing until I began to feel lightheaded.

“Can you all contain yourselves?” Rionriv responded to our outburst with a laugh as she emerged from the hall. "Honestly, you're a bunch of wild animals."

“Ri,” I replied, jumping from the longue and approaching her with open arms. “We cleared an ancient outpost, slayed a dragon, befriended the revolution, and can live comfortably for quite a while if we want. I think we all deserve to cut loose, yourself included.”

I was close to her now, my arms still open as though I was coming in for a hug. But there was no plan for what I was doing because, in this moment, I was feeling on top of the world—

—Hangover notwithstanding.

“Oh, you misunderstand,” She spoke, placing her palm on my chest and keeping me at arm's length. “We’ll celebrate, but not by jumping on furniture. I’ve already placed an order for four bottles of the highest proof liquor they have.”

“Yay!” Aesandoral cheered from the couch. "Best sister!"

These girls— I thought to myself as the idea of more booze caused my stomach to churn and release an unsatisfied gurgle. Even my self-deprecating alcoholic ass hasn’t been this deep in the bottle since university. And based on how my body feels, I sincerely doubt Ishara has either. Oh well, I’ll just purify myself afterwards. Which reminds me…

Placing a hand to my gut, I released a small burst of my detoxifying magic. In an instant, the nausea was alleviated, and sobriety took hold once more.

Oh, what a glorious trick. Goodbye Bepto, hello...Magico?—nah, that needs more workshopping before marketing it.

“Fine,” I agreed as I stepped back. “But the next round is on me. You all deserve to be treated for the fine work you did in the dungeon dive.”

Aesandoral quickly skipped past me, filling the space I had made before latching onto her sister lovingly.

“Deal.” Rionriv agreed with a smile as Sharzin approached from a nearby shadow, latching onto the pair like a lovable friendship leech.

“What am I? Chopped liver?” I asked, arms up, looking at Rionriv as she received all the adoration.

There was a chuckle between them as they unlatched and approached me. Surprisingly, my comment had worked too well, and now I didn’t know what to do. I began to feel my racing heart attempt to flee my chest. Then, a chill ran through my body as I quickly imagined the kinds of inappropriate things that could happen between three drunk university coeds and one—me.

With a sudden, confident smile, I cocked an eyebrow and waited for their embrace. Even with the mental dam beginning to quake once again, I wouldn't flinch. Threat of unconsciousness and mental breakdown be damned, I was ready for this game of chicken. And, just then, in a horrific twist of fate, the door to the dining nook opened as the sounds of our elaborate breakfast banquet and a variety of liquors being placed filled the room.

"Breakfast is served." The butler announced as he stepped to the side, beckoning us into the room.

“Yay!” The girls squealed with delight as they turned away from me at the last moment.

Betrayed by the butler! I thought before another voice wiggled its way into the back of my mind.

“Mwahahaha, what great timing." Phyllis cackled maniacally. “Your poor blue balls! Absolute cinema.”

Get out of my head and stop looking through my eyes. It’s just creepy, Phyllis.

“It’s in your contract. Which reminds me, Izzy boy, don't forget you’re under the rules of Contractual Celibacy too. Gotta protect the employees, after all. And before you complain, you knew what you signed. And guess what else, I’ll be watching you touch yourself later, too—a little late-night treat between my stories.”

Ahg— I retched, turning it into a cough in an attempt to play off the disgust.

Glancing at the girls as they hung around the doorway before the nook, I eyed their casually dressed bodies as they excitedly watched the food being displayed. Casually, I stepped away from them, taking advantage of the opportunity that had presented itself to me.

Phyllis, don’t be—stop being you for five seconds. Listen, what if I paid off some of my soul? Say ten thousand gold. Could you remove the clause?

“Hmmm, no. I like watching my little concel suffer. Go whet your whistle in another saloon, cowboy. Maybe, the ol’ Phyllis saloon. Remember, these ol' legs are always open for you.”

I retched once again. To which Phyllis released a maniacal cackle, “Mwaaahahahahaha.”

Get out of my head, Phyllis!

“Iz—you okay?” Aesandoral asked as I heard her gentle footsteps approaching me from behind. "What are you doing?

“Huh?” I turned around with a start, tapping at my head as I continued. “Oh, yeah. Phyllis was just being Phyllis. Time for breakfast?”

Following her back to the dining space, we each took a seat and began our extravagant feast. A glorious spread of fresh bacon, scrambled eggs, fruits, and toast had been laid out for us. To the triop, this was a novel experience, having never come across such an unusual array of foods that we could graze on as we saw fit. But, to me, I revelled in the fairly common continental breakfast, the likes of which I’d not seen in some time. Much like having an SUV for a road trip, it was the simple things I missed most about World Eighty-Two. And while the textures and tastes of Esserian cuisine weren’t exact, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was happy to have this for breakfast after a long stint of drinking.

But the alcoholic reprieve wouldn’t last long as, once we had begun, more drinks began to flow. They found their way into our coffee, which was poured from a carafe that would disappear back to the kitchen the moment it cooled, only to be replaced with a fresh pot. The alcohol provided was a hard liquor that curled my toes and made the already bitter coffee nearly unbearable. So, as all young alcoholics did at one point or another, we found a way to turn drinking it into a game.

Well, really, Rionriv found a way to turn it into a game—and punish me.

“I demand that game of twenty questions!” She yelled out, pointing to me.