Heidi's Aside- Bad Daughter

Soft, demur, agreeable. Perfect.

These were the traits that made a proper lady. Lessons my mother instilled within me since childhood. Back when I was such a beastly young girl.

I sat alone in a corner, staring down at my mother, whom I cradled in my shaking hands, wiping her clean with a part of my dress that was not covered in egg.

Alone? Silly me. I was never alone. Mother was always with me, even after death. Her last request was to have her bone turned into this flute so that I could never be alone again. That I would never forget her.

And I never would. I was a good daughter. A good, obedient daughter.

Tears threatened to break my serenity; I did not want them to fall. Yet they fell anyway. Beastly things.

It was a lie. I was a failure of a lady—a failure of a daughter. Nothing I ever did was good enough. My companions…the man I loved; they all looked down on me. They saw me for what I truly was.

All I had left was Mother. As always.

She would chide me for such humiliation. Even now, her voice echoed through my head.

“Adelheid, why are you sulking in a corner? That is not how a proper lady should act!”

I felt the shadow of pain in my back, in the shape of her favorite riding crop, prompting me to correct my posture.

Forgive me, Mother.

Though the bruises had long faded, not a single spot on my body forgot her lessons. She was with me, always.

Except for that time. We had been separated thanks to that prince. Those days we spent apart, where—for the first time in six years—I was truly alone, were… peaceful. Ironic, how I felt most free in prison. My fingers shook as I pressed my mother to my forehead.

I’m so sorry, Mother. For having such awful thoughts. For being such a bad daughter.

“Heidi?”

Gertrude’s voice was startling, but I would not allow it to show. I closed my eyes to center myself, hoping all my tears had fallen away, and smiled up at the young girl. “Yes, Gertrude dear? Did you need something?”

She was looking at me with concern. With judging eyes.

“Whatever is the matter?” I stood and placed a consoling hand on her shoulder. “Does your arm still hurt?” My fingers slid to the bandages on her wrist. Perhaps I had not tied them tight enough?

But Gertrude shook her head. “It’s fine. I’m worried about you. With what happened before. And then just now—”

“Yes, yes. I know,” I did not need to hear it. I was a failure who did not know how to cook correctly, far from the lofty reaches of ladyship.

“—You looked so sad. Are you okay?” She slipped her wrist from my fingers and took my hand in hers.

My heart turned to ice. I looked sad? My hand remembered the sting of Mother’s crop, which caused it to spasm. Oh dear. How beastly of me. Mother would not be pleased. I pulled my hand away and clasped them together.

“Thank you for your concern, dear Gertrude. I am fine.”

“Are you sure?” Her eyes were so pure. As bright and yellow as the first rays of morning sun. I was far too weak to stare at them for long.

“Yes. I’m sure,” I said, assuring her with my smile. “We have yet to set the table, yes? There may not be any eggs, but there’s still plenty of food for all of us.”

“And what about you?” she asked, wide-eyed.

“I need to make up for my errors and clean the eggs I spilled.”

“Do you want help?”

I shook my head. “No, dear Gertrude. This is something that I must do on my own.” It was the way of a proper lady to take accountability for her actions.

I patted Gertrude’s head. “Now, run along and set that table. I know you’ll do a wonderful job.” Better than I could.

She beamed at me, elated at my praise. “Okay!” And away Gertrude skipped down the hall.

Though I was sure I was alone with Mother, I did not allow my smile to falter. It would be unladylike to be caught unaware again. I must not be so beastly. Mother said I was too much like my father.

He, too, was beastly. What with his foul tongue, his crude jokes that never failed to make me laugh. He had a raucous, infectious laugh and an ability to find the bright spot in the deepest of darkness. And his smile, which was all teeth.

I had his smile once. But Mother had grown to detest it.

Beastly girl! A proper lady does not bare her teeth, she had told me before she slapped my smile away with the back of her ruined hand.

It was the last time I had ever smiled like him.

Now that I was composed once more, I took the corridor back to the kitchen. I so hoped that Silva had not taken it upon herself to clean up my mess. She may be occasionally vexing. And irritating, and crude—and mischievous—and thoughtful—and caring… She reminded me of my father. How I wished I could be friends with someone like her.

What a burden I was.

But my heart fluttered at the sudden thought of my love being the one to clean up after me. He knew how to be gallant when he wanted. He had swept me off my feet when I first met him all that time ago. I had been utterly humiliated then, too. Having missed a single note for Her Majesty. Seeing the surprise and disappointment on her regal visage, I could not stand to be in her presence. The pain in my fingers was too great.

That was when I met Silva, who tried to console me in her brutish way, though she could never understand my grief.

But he did. He knew what it was like to strive for perfection only to come up short. It was possible. My mother was perfect. As was Her Majesty, Queen Edelweiss. I could never expect to reach their lofty heights. They were proper ladies.

Blumentau had lost an idol the day my mother died. And I swore that I would carry on her legacy by doing what she could not—what an injury had prevented her from doing—and join the Queen’s symphony.

And though I had succeeded where Mother had not, I was nothing compared to her, as Her Majesty was always quick to remind me.

I could be better. I could always be better. And, one day, I awakened the power to stir the hearts of those who listened to my music. Though this power was incredible, it was still not enough.

I was not enough.

At least I had the love of the Hero, who knew my true heart. To him, I was enough.

Reaching the kitchen at last, I turned to enter, my smile in place, and found my love in an embrace with Silva. Their lips were locked together. He drank deeply from her. She, kissing him back as if clinging to a lifeline.

The world fell away as I stared, and I found myself consumed with jealousy.

Squeezing my mother with both hands, a myriad of unladylike swears, favored by my father, escaped my lips, which caused the two to break apart. Silva stood in a daze, face flushed, the Hero turning to me, grinning awkwardly.

“Why?!” I screamed. I could not help myself, my thoughts—my fears could no longer be contained. Swallowed by envy, hot, fat tears fell from my eyes. “Why her?! Why did you kiss her first?! Why not me?!”

A small part of me knew I was being beastly. And not a beast like my father. This was an entirely different creature stirring, one that did not belong to me. But I did not care as long as I was able to love the Hero in my own way.

“Sorry,” he said, “Didn’t know you wanted one so badly. How about right now?” He raised his hand to me, calling me to an embrace. I gladly answered, running—no, sprinting to be in his arms—just him and me.

I had barely reached the tips of his fingers when a powerful force threw me back into the corridor. I fell to the ground, my mother skittering away. My base instinct caused me to chase after her and scoop her in my arms. When my mother was safe again, I looked up and saw that Silva loomed over me, standing between me and my love.

“You’re not getting anywhere near him. He’s mine.”

Silva’s eyes were empty of their usual kindness.

She radiated malice as she drew her blade and pointed it at my throat. “If you think I’ll let you get away with trying to seduce my Hero, I’ll mess up that pretty face of yours.”

There was no twinkling mischief. This was not one of her silly games.

This was not Silva.

Her Hero?! I turned pleading eyes to him, who only stood by, watching these events with surprised curiosity. Would he not rescue me like before? Take me into his arms and tell me it will be alright?

He did nothing, even as Silva bent and seized me by my throat. She raised me above her head, her bangs hiding her now vacant eyes.

The memory of my mother’s similar embrace when I was but eight made my body spasm. Like then, I knew I was not strong enough to break her grip. So, I did not try. Instead, I reached out to my love, like I had to my father that day, only able to choke out one word, one last plea: “Help…”

At last, the Hero seemed to come to himself. “Silva, drop her.”

“Okaaaaay~♡” At once, Silva released me. I crumpled to the ground, coughing. When I next looked up, he was patting her head as she stared up at him with loving eyes. If she had a tail, it would be wagging.

Jealousy continued to gnaw at my essence, even now, as I spluttered, watching my love fawning over this new abomination. This brought Silva’s attention back to me. Her hackles raised. But the Hero culled her with more pats on her head.

“Easy, easy,” he said. “That’s a good girl. Don’t hurt Heidi. We like Heidi.”

Silva pouted, “Aww…but I don’t like her! She’s too clingy. I want you all to myself! Can I kill her?”

Her sword pointed at my face once more.

He grabbed her chin. “I told you, no.”

Silva continued to pout, but before she could lower her sword, a sudden cry echoed down the hall. We all looked, but Silva could not react fast enough to a flying Gertrude, who smashed into her with a flaming dropkick. The heat from her attack washed over us in waves as a smoldering Silva exploded back. But she was unharmed. Silva managed to stab her sword into the stone floor to steady herself and land on her feet, skidding a few yards and slicing a groove into the ground.

“I thought I heard weird noises!” Gertrude puffed out her chest, eyes and feet ablaze. She had come to my rescue! Yet I could not have been more wrong. “Get away from him! He’s mine!”

“No, he’s mine!” Silva bared her teeth at the other girl; her form began to shimmer. She had activated her Fox Flash.

The Hero stepped in between. “Wait a second! I like that you’re fighting over me, but I have enough love for everyone!”

They ignored him, Silva teleporting in quick succession, blazing through the Hero to get to Gertrude. She slashed at her with her sword, but Gertrude managed to block each blow with ice-covered fists. The collisions rang out. Both girls were baring their teeth at each other as they clashed.

The Hero was at a loss. He deflated as he watched them. “Ladies, stop. Don’t make me break you up myself…” But his whimpering fell upon deaf ears, including mine.

At the sight of my dear companions fighting, something snapped within me. Yet, unlike them, I found I did not give in to carnal rage. In fact, my anger and my jealousy extinguished all at once. While fear remained, courage stood alongside it. A clarity I had not felt in a long time came over me.

What was I doing? Why were they fighting like this? It needed to stop!

I inhaled—taking as much air as my choked lungs were able—and blew as hard as I could into my flute. Mother cried her terrible cry, the sour note causing all, even the Hero, to shudder and cover their ears with their hands. But not for long. Already they were preparing to resume their fighting.

Not even my music would reach their hearts at this point. So, I ran at my companions, reaching out and grabbing Silva’s sword by its grip. My fingers scratched the leather beneath Silva’s hand, digging for the hidden telestone.

Silva tried to shake me off, but I persisted. Though I was not being a proper lady, I could not sit idly by and let my companions kill each other! Not even over the one I loved the most.

Gertrude grabbed me from behind. “I’m gonna break you!” She forced me to turn, and I bore witness to her terribly twisted smile. An expression that did not belong to my Gertrude.

My one hand still wrapped around Silva’s sword, which she did her best to rip away, I prayed to Iliana that I could find the hidden telestone before I was torn apart. Silva may not have been able to use it properly, but I could.

It only took a second more of fumbling for my fingers to brush a minuscule lump set between leather bindings. The Demon King’s tower vanished around us.

My last view was of my love, staring at us in shock, before we were surrounded by blue light—a most familiar sensation.

The three of us floated in the place between. I managed to keep hold of Silva’s sword, which she had abandoned in favor of scrambling over me to claw at Gertrude like wild animals. As she did this, however, one of her knees knocked into me, breaking my grip on my flute.

No!! Mother!! A visceral instinct compelled me forward, but it was too late. My fingers merely brushed the ivory finish before my mother floated away.

In grief, I clutched Silva’s blade to my chest and felt the three of us begin to drift apart.

Silva and Gertrude clawed at the air, desperately reaching for anything to cling to. Their mental faculties were gone; only instinct kept them moving.

Tears floated from my eyes as I watched my beloved companions float away from me, then vanish as they dropped out of the teleportation to who knew where. I could only hope that they found themselves wherever they landed.

I had no particular destination in mind, not until I was alone—truly alone—where my mind naturally turned toward Blumentau. Toward home.

Perhaps, just this once, it was lady-like to cry. And to laugh like a raucous beast. However, I could not understand why I did so at this bleakest of times.

Sorry, Mother. I am such a bad daughter.