Digging Your Own Grave

I wake up. Again. At 6am. However, this time it isn’t in my bed, and sure as hell not with excitement. My brain is foggy, and I still feel…empty. I can’t really remember what happened yesterday. But when I look towards the vial still laying on the table, I am brought back to last night.

It worked, the drug worked. And I still feel it, which is why I don’t feel happy or excited in the slightest, even though I have achieved something akin to a scientific breakthrough. But still, I know what I need to do now. I check my body in the mirror, my eyes are a bit white-ish, almost cloudy. Peeling the blotting paper from my tongue, I notice how dry it is. Even though I should check my body in every way possible, especially inside, I don’t have the right equipment here for that. And I honestly don’t even want to. Because now I actually have a functioning drug, one that with optimisation and safety procedures could revolutionize the world.

Rubbing my eyes behind my glasses and putting the vial back into the brown suitcase, which is firmly within my clenched fist, I run off to what feels like the first time in a while that I have to catch my bus because of enthusiasm and not out of necessity. My legs shake impatiently at the bus stop, and even inside the bus I can’t lean back in my seat. I give up trying to relax and stand directly in front of the bus door, just to be ready to sprint out as fast as possible to my destination. Messely showing my ID at the entrance, barely giving security time to check my bag, I quickly run to my manager's office. However…no one’s here, yet. I am here again before anyone else.

“Good morning Friedrich.” I hear a voice after what felt like hours waiting here. “How long have you been standing here?”

“Quite a while…” I look towards the sign on her office door.

“But that doesn’t matter! I need to talk to you!”

“Calm down. Let me settle down my things first. I’ll be right with you.”

With her door now closed, I grow impatient once again. My breathing becomes heavy, every second that passes by feels so much longer.

“Come in.” I enter hastily, the brown haired woman now settled in behind her desk.

“I-”

“We actually needed to have a talk anyway, Friedrich. Your papers, there is a whole stack of them due past your deadline. You have been neglecting your work,” she says in a direct tone.

“I know, but there is a good reason! Let me show-”

“You do know that you got warnings before. Do you understand how hard it is for me to cover you and your unfinished work? I can’t just extend deadlines to fit your schedule.”

I gulp at her abruption. My pulse quickens as she stops me from explaining myself.

“Listen, I know that! I’m well aware that I’m past due on the signings and everything, but like I said, I have a very solid reason for that!”

“Your side project or what?”

My eyes widen in surprise. She knows of my project? But since when, and how?

“I know about it. And I have known for a long time. But when you are this neglectful of keeping it a secret, it’s no wonder. That is if you even meant to keep it hidden. Especially when you keep machines running overnight. Do you know how dangerous that is?”

“I could fire you for doing this. Not for leaving it on overnight, that is a valid practice. But using and leaving such machines running under no instructions is something you must never do,” she continues, not even leaving me space to answer.

“But it worked!”

We stare at each other, a loud silence forming between us.

“What worked?” She raises her eyebrow.

“My drug! It worked, and without side effects, right now at least," I exclaim.

“Friedrich, what did you work on exactly?” my manager asks in a serious tone.

Taken off guard by her pressing voice, I explain, “A drug that causes numbness, similar to other drugs. However, this one is without side effects! You just…exist.” I move my hands expressionally.

With a dumbfounded look on her face she says, “So you made acid?”

I stare at her with an equally dumbfounded face, my expression shifting into one of confusion instead of enthusiasm.

My manager sighs while pinching between her eyes, rubbing some sleep off her eyes.

“You’re fired,” she says, pointing at me.

Excuse me what? Fired? For what?! For making a breakthrough?!

“Wha- Why- What do you mean I’m fired?!” my thoughts barely leave my mouth.

“You made a drug for junkies, Friedrich. Don’t you realise? This is just pushing a drug, that isn’t even used as medicine, to the extreme.”

“But we can use it fo-”

“No, we can't! This isn’t like medicinal cannabis used to help people. You just made utter nonsense! You’re lucky I’m only firing you. It is highly illegal to make something like this Friedrich,” she lowers her voice at the last sentence.

I look at her in disbelief, unable to form words at my utter frustration and bewilderment. I worked so long for this. My project…it could help millions. And what does she call it? A drug for junkies, seriously?

As I lean back into the chair, on the other side of her desk, my mind fogs with explanations in self defense, not even registering the awkward silence that has once again filled the air between us.

This compound isn‘t just a drug to get high on. It serves purposes far larger than being dealt between junkies. My drug could help so many people, with so many different problems…

“Please just try to understan-“

“Empty your desk, get everything that you need from it. You no longer work here, Friedrich.“

With a slow nod, only looking down at the olive-green carpet of the room, I leave with a heavy heart.