Leaving my old desk behind

The old dim lights cast upon me once again, but also for the last time. In the silence, caused by the absence of workers this early in the morning, the only thing echoing through the halls are my steps. But this sound won‘t stay for long.

Entering the same room I always entered once arriving here, a cold shiver, filled with sorrow and dread, runs down my spine. Slowly walking towards the desk, I move my hand slowly on the white desk, leaving it there for a moment. I look around, taking in the feeling of being at my workplace one last time. Fond memories fill my mind, replacing the fatigue that came along with the boring work. I don’t want to leave.

With a box that I found in a backroom, I start gathering my stuff, even if it’s not much. Some posters of the company, a sign with an unfunny chemistry joke, as well as…my certificate…

Well, not the exact one, but a framed copy of my university degree, Master of Science.

“I wish.”

But no. That isn’t true, and I know it. I earned that certificate with hard work, it just happens that my ‘manager’ does not see my vision.

Packing up the last of my things, just some random collectables and cheap gifts, I feel…empty, as if I was still under the influence of my drug. But that is not the case.

“I better get going before all the workers arrive”.

The last thing I want is to cause a scene, or say goodbye to my coworkers. Not like I had any relations with them anyway besides only barely working with them. They don’t need to know why I’m gone.

I lift the light box, making me realise that I really didn’t have a lot at my desk, despite feeling so attached. One last look at my desk is all I need before stepping out and awkwardly trying to close the door behind me with both hands holding the box. After managing to do so, I walk off, really feeling this era of my life come to an end. Walking down the hall, I hold my head down, ignoring the gut wrench from passing my manager's office.

Following the usual regime of leaving the company grounds, I feel even the wind in my back telling me to leave. And that I do, along with taking one last look at the building complex once I’m past the gate. I turn around fully, the view taking me back to the first time I arrived here, both from when I got employed and when I did my internship as a youngster. The cold from the winter starts creeping while I just stand for a moment. The grey clouds coming ever so close only add to the depressing mood. And once the first drops of rain start to pour on me, I get a move on, taking my eyes off the place I dedicated years of my life to.

Continuing down the sidewalk, it starts pouring more and more, until I’m eventually fully soaked.

That’s also when I realise, “Why do I still have my labcoat on?”.

Force of habit, I guess. This won’t be the last time hearing from that company though. Just thinking of all the paperwork that comes with quitting that god forsaken company makes me sigh heavily. So they’ll get their labcoat back anyway.

Did I really do the wrong thing? Was it wrong to have at least something that satisfies my dream to help people, free from years of paperwork that separates me from achieving said dream? Sure I‘ve neglected my actual work for it, but in return I made something incredible…

Lost in thoughts, the rain pours even stronger than before. I try shielding the box from what feels like god trying to sink the world again. I start walking faster. Between trying to get to my bus station quicker, covering the box as much as possible and all these thoughts clouding my mind, I lose focus on my surroundings. I cross the street without looking and…