5.

Journal #5

Well, technically yesterday’s because I couldn’t be asked to talk write about it yesterday.

Yeah, I lost. Embarassing isn’t it? After all that hyping up I did, imagining the future, only for it all to come crumbling down. You know how I cleaned up my apartment the day before? Well, if you had gotten to see it then, it would be unrecognizable with how it looks now.

Yeah. The first thing I did when I got home was to trash the place. In hindsight, not a good thing to do. I’m going to have to clean up even more now, and replace some furniture. It’s not really my fault though. It’s not like I had a choice. You know what I learned yesterday?

I am not the main character.

I was never going to win. Not because I wasn’t good enough. Oh no, I was definitely the better player by leaps and bounds. It’s because I was written to lose.

I won the first set 6-0. He got injured, but I was already 3-0 up so I was already outplaying him. I even asked him if he is alright to keep going, because risking your health playing through injuries is never worth it. And because beating an injured opponent isn’t something I could brag to Nita about. But nooo. He just had to give the main character speech of not giving up, of not being disrespectful to his opponent. Of course he got injured. Of course he through. Of course the crowd rallied. Of course the momentum shifted.

He wasn’t able to run much, so he just started blasting everything. Everything landed on the line, because why not. Whenever I would go for a line, it would miss by the barest amounts. Even the net cords favoured him. What the hell was I supposed to do? I played drop shots, because he couldn’t run for them, and the crowd booed me. Like shut up. Shut up shut up shut up. You don’t know anything. You don’t know what it’s like playing a guy redlining. You don’t know what it feels like when the world is against you. Anything you touch is poisoned, and anything he touches is gold. I was fighting fate itself.

And then I double-faulted. In both the second and the third set. He couldn’t return most of my serves, until the end of both sets, where he guessed right more than once, painted the lines with return winners, got a lucky net cord, and I goddamn double faulted on break point.

He then had the gall to say that it was a good match. Good for you maybe, no need to rub salt in the wound. I wanted to punch that pretentious face so badly. Thankfully, my character hasnt been assasinated that badly yet.

Of course, when embarassed that badly, I couldn’t possibly ask Nita out anymore. Speaking of Nita. I thought She was supposed to be there for me. To cheer for me. To get frustrated with me. No, she ended up saying that it was a good match. How?? Did you not use your eyes how the hell was that a good match how do you think I played well. Her smile was bad. Very bad. It was practiced, professional. Or forced, maybe. It was the first time that I thought she may as well be an NPC.

But I have calmed down. That was a very toxic way of thinking. Of course she tried to cheer me up. Shes an angel after all. Of course she doesn’t know what it feels like. Yet, she still tried to help. What is she if not an angel? Setbacks happen all the time. That’s life. The fact she stayed to help me despite how pathetic I was being and the fact she mentioned a next time means that she was definitely interested. I’m not stupid. I’m not a dense romcom MC. I can understand signs.

I just need to get back up, and keep going. If you’re going to write me as a character doomed to fail, you better be sure that I will struggle my damndest.

The rebuilding started today. I didn’t want to see Nita just yet so I didn’t go to class today. Instead, I worked on cleaning the mess I made. There’s still work to be done, but I made significant progress today. I also did a lot of training. If I work harder than anyone, and become a physical beast, I will be able to resist comebacks from main characters. Yes, I will become strong enough to overcome fate itself.

Just watch. Or read. Whatever you’re doing. Point is, witness as I carve my own destiny. You won’t be able to laugh at me anymore.