Chapter 29:

Cactus

Former Magical Girls and their Daily Lives


"Big Brother, why do you make me do these kinds of things?"Bookmark here

Ryouta was covered in cacti needles all around his body. His costume caught some of the needles, but the large chunk of them still got stuck on him. His little sister was pulling out the ones he couldn't reach with tweezers.Bookmark here

"I'm not happy with this situation either. Just get these needles off of me."Bookmark here

"Fine," the girl huffed, and she continued to pull out each needle. Every time she pulled one out, Ryouta yelped in pain. This was the only part of this event that she enjoyed.Bookmark here

"Why were there cactuses there in the first place?" Ryouta ranted, "I've never seen a cactus in real life. Why is the first time I see one is when I was trying to get down from a rooftop? Aren't cactuses supposed to be in the desert? Why is it here?"Bookmark here

"Maybe it's because you're dumb," the little girl said, pulling out another needle.Bookmark here

"You can't pin everything on my intelligence, you brat!"Bookmark here

"You just admitted that you are dumb."Bookmark here

"No, I did not! A genius wouldn't be able to stop gravity or move the cactuses with the power of their mind."Bookmark here

"Yes, they can. Haven't you seen them do that on TV?"Bookmark here

"Anime doesn't count!"Bookmark here

"Yes, it does count! Anime is based on real life. I'm sure if you tried hard enough, you could move the cacti somewhere else. Just think really, really hard." The little girl pressed her fingers into her temples as aggressively as she could.Bookmark here

"That isn't how anything works. Anime isn't real. Magical Girls aren't real. Psychic powers aren't real. You can't get your power from the bottom of your soul or anything like that. The world doesn't work like that."Bookmark here

"Maybe you are just dumb."Bookmark here

"No, I'm not!"Bookmark here

"If you aren't dumb, then how did you get stabbed by the cactus?"Bookmark here

"You see, I was trying to escape from some people so I threw a smoke bomb on the ground and I escaped to the roof. Then I couldn't figure out how to get back down. So, I had to eventually jump down. So, that's how I got here."Bookmark here

"That's dumb!"Bookmark here

"No, it's unfortunate. I couldn't see the cactuses. So, I just jumped. And there were cactuses there. How was I supposed to see them and know that they were there?"Bookmark here

"Use your flashlight. Duh."Bookmark here

"I don't exactly have a flashlight with me at all times."Bookmark here

"Your phone has a flashlight."Bookmark here

"Well, I didn't bring my phone."Bookmark here

"You brought a smoke bomb, but not your phone. You are dumb."Bookmark here

"I'm not dumb. I just didn't want anything distracting me when I was out there."Bookmark here

"Why did you go to the roof if you didn't have anything to see with?"Bookmark here

"I didn't want anyone seeing me. If I simply left through the front door, people will see me."Bookmark here

"How did you get on the roof?"Bookmark here

"We don't talk about that."Bookmark here

"What? I wanna know!"Bookmark here

"I don't know."Bookmark here

"How do you not know how you got on the roof?"Bookmark here

"I just don't remember. Cut me some slack."Bookmark here

"You are dumb."Bookmark here

"I'm not dumb!"Bookmark here

"Yes, you are."Bookmark here

Ryouta thought about his next answer for a second.Bookmark here

"You think that I'm dumb?"Bookmark here

"No, I know you are dumb! Dummy! Dum dum! Dumb!"Bookmark here

"Maybe I'm a genius and you just think that I'm dumb because you are dumb."Bookmark here

"No, dumb people can recognize other dumb people."Bookmark here

"When did we establish rules for dumb people?"Bookmark here

"You did that in the last dumb person meeting."Bookmark here

"I did not! There isn't such a thing as a dumb person meeting. Dumb people don't just go to each other's houses to talk about dumb things and the rules and regulations for dumb people. Wait, how do you know about what happened in the dumb person meeting if you aren't dumb yourself?"Bookmark here

"I had a spy."Bookmark here

"Why did you have a spy in the dumb person meeting? Why are you conspiring with dumb people?"Bookmark here

"My spy is a smart dumb person. He's just pretending to be dumb."Bookmark here

"What is he? An internet troll?"Bookmark here

"No, he isn't a troll. He's a person. How dumb are you?"Bookmark here

"An internet troll isn't an actual troll. It's someone who has fun by upsetting other people on the internet."Bookmark here

"That sounds like a troll."Bookmark here

"I just described a troll. That's why he sounds like a troll. Anyway, you have a fake dumb person invading dumb person meetings for what reason?" Bookmark here

"I wish to cure dumbness someday. So, I need a spy to tell me all of what they are doing nowadays."Bookmark here

"Okay, if you are trying to reverse dumbness, how is your research going for you?"Bookmark here

"It looks like cacti needles don't make people smarter."Bookmark here

"Am I your main test subject?!"Bookmark here

"Nooooo... It's someone else. I can't tell them that because it's important that they don't know that they are being tested on."Bookmark here

"That just makes me think that that person is me even more. Did you stab someone else with cactuses needles?"Bookmark here

"No, he fell on the cacti."Bookmark here

"That's just me!"Bookmark here

"No, he goes to a different family."Bookmark here

"You have different families? What are you a bastard?"Bookmark here

"No, I'm a perfect little sister who has to deal with her idiot brother."Bookmark here

"Idiot isn't a nice word. You should be a nicer person. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all!"Bookmark here

"Calling you an idiot is a mercy. I could say worse stuff and it'll still be correct."Bookmark here

"Is this your way of saying that you know curse words?"Bookmark here

"No, I don't know how to curse. I'm a perfect little sister."Bookmark here

"That doesn't mean that you are a perfect being. There are plenty of other factors to determine whether or not you are a perfect little sister!"Bookmark here

"No, there aren't other facts. I'm just perfect. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a very dumb person."Bookmark here

"Okay, you raised me from dumb to very dumb. I'm so scared."Bookmark here

"You have a low IQ, Big Brother."Bookmark here

"Okay, you don't have to be more creative with your insults, Sakura. Dumb is enough."Bookmark here

"Small brain."Bookmark here

"Do small brains even have a lower intelligence level?"Bookmark here

"Smooth brain."Bookmark here

"You are just making stuff up at this point."Bookmark here

"Dead brain." Bookmark here

"That's just a dead person!"Bookmark here

"Basketball brain."Bookmark here

"Just calling my brain something else doesn't make it clever."Bookmark here

"Niarb."Bookmark here

"What does reversing the word even do?!"Bookmark here

"You couldn't figure out those square holes and circular holes."Bookmark here

"Okay, you have gone a little too far here. Why don't you just talk about something more productive?"Bookmark here

"No."Bookmark here

"What do you mean no? We need to talk about something that helps society progress to a better future."Bookmark here

"Cheeseburger." Sakura pulled another needle out, but she made it more painful than usual.Bookmark here

"Ow! Sakura, I'm going to kill you."Bookmark here

"I bet you won't. My brain will simply dodge your attacks."Bookmark here

"Your brain isn't the thing that dodges attacks."Bookmark here

"Are you calling me dumb?" Bookmark here

"Probably."Bookmark here

"You are the dumb one, however. Therefore, you can't be right."Bookmark here

"What? Don't start pulling out big fancy words to try to pretend to be anything other than a small child fighting a near-adult."Bookmark here

"Therefore isn't a fancy word. It's just that your brain isn't developed enough to understand it."Bookmark here

"I know full well what therefore means. It's a word that follows the same function as the word 'so'. However, it has a more fancy connotation. Its more formal."Bookmark here

"The correct grammar is 'It's more formal'. Not Its. You are a dummy."Bookmark here

"How did you hear a quotation mark?! It's and its sound exactly the same!"Bookmark here

"Maybe to you. Your brain isn't big enough to handle the complexities of the English language."Bookmark here

"What are you talking about? We are speaking Japanese. We are Japanese people talking to each other in Japan. What does English have to do with any of this?"Bookmark here

"That joke only works in the translated version. I'm deeply sorry."Bookmark here

"What translation of our conversation exists? Are we being recorded for television or something? Is there a camera crew that's going to come out of the walls and reveal that they planted the cactuses at the place just so I can fall into it and we will have this conversation because of that cactus?"Bookmark here

"Probably."Bookmark here

"What do you mean probably?"Bookmark here

"It's the truth."Bookmark here

"What truth?"Bookmark here

"The whole and unfiltered truth."Bookmark here

"What?"Bookmark here

"This is the director's cut." Bookmark here

"Great. Now we are in a movie!"Bookmark here

"Probably." Sakura put down the tweezers. "Okay, Big Brother, I finished pulling out all of the needles and now I can sleep."Bookmark here

"Thank you, Sakura. Remember that I'll do the same to you."Bookmark here

"Call me dumb?"Bookmark here

"No, I mean the cactuses needles."Bookmark here

"That won't happen. I'm smart."Bookmark here

"No, you are not."Bookmark here

"I thought you said that you aren't going to call me dumb."Bookmark here

"I said that I didn't mean to say that I was going to call you dumb and that I meant to say that I'll pull the cactus needles out of you."Bookmark here

"Why do you want to pull out cactus needles from me?"Bookmark here

"No, I meant that I'll pull it out of you if you happened to fall into a cactus."Bookmark here

"Why would I fall into a cactus?"Bookmark here

"Shut up, and go to sleep."Bookmark here

"Okay." Sakura ran to her room, dove into her bed, and fell asleep.Bookmark here

Parsatag
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