Like a Loser

“C’mon now, Lena,” A voice broke through my sleep, “wake up already! It’s 11AM. How long are you planning to hibernate?”

The hell? It’s 11 already?!

With my left eye still half-shut, I got out of bed–– no, dragged myself out of bed.

"Why are your dirty panties all over the floor?”

“You can NOT be saying this, Lotte,” I shot back, stepping into the bathroom, "Your panties are all over the apartment."

I stood in front of the mirror, staring into my own soul.

I got bags under my eyes again…after all the efforts I put into fixing them. Fuck it all!

I splashed cold water onto my face and started brushing my teeth, still half asleep.

When I stepped out, wiping my face with the towel, I was greeted with an appetizing smell.

“It smells amazing,” I said, walking into the kitchen, “so you finally decided to cook tod–– WHAT THE FUCK??!!”

The kitchen looked like the lab of a mad scientist.

Piles of dirty dishes in the sink, egg shells and onion peels on the ground and spices on the counter with their lids nowhere in sight.
Also, for reasons unknown, there were about hundreds of spoons of all sizes just everywhere… and––

“What the hell Lotte THE STOVE IS STILL ON,” I rushed to turn it off and threw open the windows,

“Oopsie daisy––“

“Do not step foot into the kitchen ever again.”

“Stop complaining and just sit down, Lena.”

"Oh, yeah, I’m sorry for complaining." I replied, walking up to her, "It’s not like you nearly killed us both and possibly the entire building."

I pulled the chair and sat down.

“Why are there unknown substances floating around in my soup?”

“Are you getting back at me for yesterday? It’s Omurice. Not soup.”

"Omu…rice?" I was genuinely shocked, "Why is it…liquid? Well, whatever. At least it smells good"

“Smells good, right?” she said, overjoyed, "Go on, take a bite."

You must mean a sip, because there’s nothing to bite except for the fork I’ve been given.

“What do you mean yesterday?” I casually asked, trying to eat––or drink––or whatever that was.

“You ran into him, didn’t you?”

“Ran into who?”

“Heh?”

Lotte stopped mid-bit––mid-sip and stared at me.

“It always amazes me how you just…reset once you get some sleep. Good for you, I think.”

“Oh, you must mean that fake Finn-guy.“ I replied, sipping on the soup, “I actually thought a lot about it last night, and came to a conclusion.”

“Oh,” she said, raising a brow, “and…what did you decide?”

“It’s that…” I took a pause to finish my soup, “… if I don’t think about it, I don’t have to worry about it.”

I straightened up, taking my plate to the sink––that’s right, I was served soup in a plate with a fork––that pretty much sums up my flatmate Charlotte.

“Well…” Lotte said, hesitating, “that’s… one way to deal with it…I guess.”

“Yep…” I opened the fridge and grabbed a candy bar, “So it doesn’t matter if it’s Finn or not. I just don’t have to think about any of it. And that, my friend, is the secret to mental peace.”

“That’s…healthy…I guess?” Lotte said, walking up to me with her arms full of dishes, “Here, wash these too while you’re at it.”

“Fuck you mean?? I’m not washing anything, you do it. You made all this mess in the first place.”

“I made us a delicious breakfast, didn’t I? I’ve done my part.”

“I highly doubt the delicious part. Anyway, we can always do the dishes later.”

I tossed the wrapper in the trash bin and we both walked into the living room.

“It’s really sad, isn’t it.” I said, throwing myself onto the couch.

“What is?” Lotte asked, half distracted, holding up two dresses in front of the mirror.

I rolled onto my side to look at her.

“Two young girls," I said dramatically, "wasting away their precious weekend holed up in their rooms. We should do better.”

“Speak for yourself." she replied, tossing one dress onto the chair and putting on the blue one, "I’ve got a date today, loser.”

“HUH????" I sat up. "Oh––right. I keep forgetting you have a boyfriend.”

“That’s right." she turned, checking herself from every angle, "We are going to the aquarium today. I’ve been waiting for it for 2 weeks now!!”

“That’s so mean." I muttered, laying down again, "Leaving your friend all alone at a time like this.”

“Didn’t you just tell me the secret to mental peace?”

“I mean…”

“You should go out too.” 

“So you are allowing me to tag along with you guys???" I perked up instantly, "I’d be happy to!”

“Absolutely not. Fuck off.”

“Aw c’mon." I insisted, "Okay, choose one–– me or your boyf––”

“My boyfriend.”

“At least let me finish the question.” I sighed. “Well…I won’t be going out today.”

“Why?" she asked, adjusting her hair, "The weather is lovely today.”

“What if I run into him again?”

“Run into who?”

“You know…" I looked away, "the guy who is… not Finn.”

“Good luck, girl.

“Whatever dude…" I grabbed a magazine lying around and started flipping the pages, "I hope an asteroid hits the aquarium today.”

“That’s cruel…” she said, grabbing her bag and checking inside, “Wallet, phone, keys...okay.”

She slipped on her heels near the door.

"Well...see you later, Lena. Don't miss me too much."

“Bye.”

The door clicked shut behind her.

And just like that, I was alone again.

The apartment turned quiet really fast.

Too quiet.

I slid off the couch and lay flat on the ground, just staring up at the ceiling.

What if he really did forget? I mean six years is a long ti––

NO.

Lena, no, don’t think about it!

…

Who am I kidding?
There’s no way to just not think about it. It’s been on my mind all night. I forgot about it for a while when I woke up but it’s again on my mind.

It sucks.

I think I should just confront him.

…and then what?

What if he really forgot about me? What can I even do then?

Make him remember me?

But that defeats the whole purpose.

At some point, it was already 1PM.

…

I can’t believe our connection was so fragile. I thought we were better than this.

But you know what?

It’s his fault.

That’s right.

It’s all his fault and his alone.

I kept my part of the promise; I still remember him. He’s the one who forgot about me and moved on with that cringe girl.

Wait a minute––

What if that girl–– Kayla––what if she’s the problem?
Could she be manipulating him the whole time?
What if she’s so possessive that she made Finn cut contact with everyone??

HOLY SHIT!

That’d explain everything!

Why he didn’t recognize me.
Why he acted like I was a complete stranger?

It’s because she was there at that time.

She is forcing him.
She’s trying to take my Finn away from me.

That stupid bitch.

I’ve always known something was wrong with her.

My Finn would never do this to me.

I might just be a genius. I solved the mystery so easily.

Another hour passed.

…

I hate her.
And I hate him.

They can both go to hell.

Ugh, I need to get up and do something. I haven’t watched a single episode today. If it continues like this, I’m gonna waste my entire Sunday away.

I think I should draw something…

I got up and grabbed my tablet.

Of course.
Dead.

Can anything go my way for one fucking time???

I think I should go for a walk in the park…maybe??
But what if I ran into him again??
Aw c’mon, coincidences don’t happen this often.
And anyway, I’m sure he must be on a date with her and not wasting his Sunday in the park like a loser.

…did I just accept that I’m a loser?

Ugh, whatever.

I got up, threw on something decent, slipped into my shoes, and stepped out the door.

…

Woah, that was quick.

I stepped out of the apartment building and started walking in the direction of the park.

The weather was indeed lovely that day.

I hope Lotte is enjoying her date.

…and I hope those two love-birds break up.

…

OK no, I shouldn’t be wishing bad on others.

…

But I can wish bad on them.

It’s ok. Trust.

The park was full of neighborhood kids running around, shouting, laughing–completely unbothered by anything.

It was chaotic…and nostalgic.

Most of the benches were occupied by parents watching over them…and some shady uncles were there too for some reason.

But soon enough I spotted an empty bench.

Jackpot!

I started walking towards it, my attention drifting back to the children.

They look so happy.
They don’t know what’s coming.

When I was almost there, I noticed––

Hey, someone’s sitting there, it’s not entirely empty.
I guess I’m not the only loser around––

I froze.

…Why do I keep running into him?