Chapter 13

                                                                          Kaya

We stayed up late gazing at the starry sky above us until the chill of the night forced us inside.

Gerda closed the door to the shuttle, cutting us off from the outside world, and then threw our belongings onto one of the seats. She still only wore the t-shirt she’d put on after our swim and a pair of knickers, and for some reason, my gaze was drawn to her legs for no apparent reason.

Only then did I realise the nature of our sleeping arrangement. There was only a single sleeping spot in the shuttle, so we would have to share a bed. Was it normal for friends to share a bed? Suddenly, I became unsure of it, even though it didn’t make any sense to question it. It was normal for friends to share a tent during a camping trip, so why did I suddenly doubt sleeping in the same bed here?

Probably, I was just tired. After all, it was late, and the earlier walk had left my body stiff and sore. I knew my brain didn’t work well under such conditions, so I just followed her to the bedroom, trying to ignore all the random thoughts that suddenly popped into my head from my tiredness.

I sat down on the bed, glancing at her, and my mind went into overdrive. I probably should say something, but with so many thoughts flashing through my mind, I couldn't tell which ones were weird and which would sound normal.

“Aren’t you tired?”

Her simple question broke my stream of thoughts, and my mind went blank. I barely managed to nod as she smiled and lay down. She still wore her t-shirt. For some reason, it was disappointing, but at the same time, I was relieved. At least it helped me clarify our sleeping arrangement. I got up, changed into mine, feeling relieved I’d actually remembered to take it with me, and then lay next to her. At least I was spared the dilemma of what was weirder, sleeping in my dress or sleeping without it.

                                                                          Gerda

I had already been sleepy when we sat outside watching the stars, so it wasn’t a surprise that I fell asleep the moment I lay down. It was a dreamless sleep, like always, and it was a good thing considering how much my life sucked and how much worse everything generally became in a nightmare. So not needing to deal with that shit when I slept was a relief.

I woke up to the warmth and comfort that surrounded me, and it took me a few moments to realise it came from Kaya’s body pressed against mine. She was clingy, so I shouldn’t be surprised she’d ended up with her cheek resting on my neck, considering she had the whole night and no resistance from my side.

It felt strangely comforting, and at first, I didn't dare to move, not wanting to disturb her. But these scenarios wouldn’t last forever. She wanted to meet her mum, so we should probably be on our way today and continue with our journey. When they met, she could have as many trips like this as she wanted.

I got up, covered her with a blanket, and then left for the small kitchen to make myself a strong coffee. I needed to clear my head and plan the next leg of our journey. The fact that we weren’t wanted yet didn’t mean it wouldn’t happen when we entered another system, so I probably should figure out how the hyperdrive really worked, just in case her family changed their mind and would be happy to see both of us in prison.

I took my coffee cup and data pad and went to sit on the steps outside, trying to figure out how much time I needed to activate the emergency jump after we’d entered the system. I kinda knew it was possible, but all my knowledge came from navy vets giving talks to our troop, and I was sure that an interstellar yacht wasn’t built to the same specifications as a naval vessel, so…

It was good to focus on something that required my full attention, so I didn’t have any headspace left to think about other stuff that was pointless anyway. She wouldn’t need me once she met her mum, and in the case she didn’t meet her, she would probably go back to her family anyway, only extending our stay together for a few days. At least I would be there for her if that happened….

I sighed and shook my head, trying to focus on the trinary logic of the jump computer. Apparently, it was necessary to calculate a jump gap safe enough to execute without risking tearing the ship’s core to pieces.

                                                                      Kaya

Despite how tired I was, it took me a while to fall asleep. At first, I found Gerda’s body so close to mine a distraction rather than a comfort, and my tired mind came up with all kinds of random thoughts that felt weird even for me. But when I finally turned my back on her and calmed my overloaded mind, I wondered what awaited us at the end of our journey.

Would I meet her? But if I did, I would need to ask her all my questions. Was I really ready to hear her answer? Was there a valid reason for her to have given me away? Or maybe she had regretted it the moment she’d done it, but there was no way of undoing it… Although, how could she have given me away in the first place…

I felt my mind spin towards darker and darker answers until I couldn’t bear it anymore, so I turned to Gerda and put my arm around her sleeping body. She was someone familiar in this unfamiliar world, and I always found comfort in the things I knew. Even if I didn't fully understand her, she felt safer and more real than my mum, who might not want me even if we did meet.

Even my dreams that night were full of Gerda, replacing the faceless person I’d dreamt about so often and that I believed to be my mum. When I woke up, I felt something other than the strange longing that that dream had always left me with. I couldn’t really name it, but when I realised that Gerda was already up, I was both relieved and somehow disappointed by the fact.

I found her sitting on the steps of our shuttle, busy with something on her pad. I sat down quietly next to her and gazed towards the distant trees, not wanting to disturb her, but she glanced at me and said,

“We should get going today."

I sighed and leaned into her. So soon…? I’d hoped we could stay here longer, but if she wanted so much to go and start afresh, it wouldn’t be fair if I tried to stop her.