Drown

Marnie got himself comfortable in Kaede's lounge chair, gazing at the little white pill he held in his palm. It was so small and unassuming, with a cross made of the four standard card suits stamped upon its center. Just thinking about what he was soon to do filled him with a nauseating mixture of excitement and anxiety.

“I know it seems foolish of me to ask this,” Kaede looked at the money that his friend had just placed in his hand, his eyes clouded. “But are you absolutely certain that you want to do this? RabbitHole is a very powerful medicine. You shouldn't be taking it if you aren't sure about it.”

“I'm sure, Kaede,” Marnie answered with a lie. He wasn't actually certain of anything in his life, but he figured making decisions for himself was a good place to start remedying that. What good was making a decision if you don't follow through?

All Kaede could do was nod and accept the decision. Steeling himself one last time, Marnie popped the pill into his mouth and chased it with his tea. Within moments, the world once again fell away from him, and he was sliding back into an abyss…

All at once, Marnie's feet felt solid ground, and the blackness around him vanished in place of bubblegum trees and sweet fog. He had made it back to the Other Side.

“I'm back…” he breathed, looking around with a grin. Although the forest looked just as he remembered it, something felt like it was missing. Wracking his brain for what it could be, the feeling of soft fur on his shoulder came to mind.

“Oh, right. It looks like Shay isn't here,” Marnie looked up at the branch above him with a frown. “Maybe that means he was just a figment of my imagination… Though, I don't remember my imagination ever being great. Eh, whatever, I don't need him around to use this place.”

Right, last time all he had to do was take a walk, and the forest became something else entirely. He figured there was no harm in trying that again, so Marnie took a deep breath and began to stroll forward.

At first, his steps were very uncertain, gingerly padding forward like a nervous animal. But after a few paces, the daydreamer’s strides became more confident, and the forest soon morphed around him.

Marnie could smell the salt air even before the sea breeze hit his face. The trees began to thin and the ground felt softer under foot — by the time the fog had receded, he was standing on a beautiful beach at dusk. Seagulls cried in the distance, their competing for dominance over the gentle splashing of the ocean waves. Rays from the setting sun, sinking in the horizon, made the water look like a spread of glittering diamonds scattered across cerulean silk.

Marnie admired the scene for a moment before slipping out of his shoes and socks, and walking out towards the water. It felt nice to dig his toes into the sand and take it all in. The ocean winds felt like they could cradle him and carry off all of his anxiety.

Before long, the sun had completely divorced itself from the sky, leaving Marnie beneath a blanket of twinkling stars, far more beautiful that he ever remembered them being at home.

He had never felt more relaxed in his life.

It was as if the vibrations of the wind and waves were gently untangling all of the ropes and strings which bound his inner self. Like a breath of fresh air — a sense of freedom and tranquility so foreign to Marnie that it could be compared to ecstasy.

Then, somewhere within that freedom, thoughts began to emerge.

Thoughts in a voice foreign yet familiar, like that of an old friend you hadn't spoken to in decades. Initially, they were nothing but broken notions and fragments of desires, flying through Marnie's mind as quickly as they emerged. However, one of them happened to latch on as he looked out over the black silk ocean, materializing itself into a full-fledged idea.

Sink into the water…

Without much contemplation, Marnie stepped forward. In just that single step, he found that acting without thought was an exhilaration which had never belonged to him before. One which pushed him to take even more steps, until he was dashing to the water’s edge and refusing to stop even as the waves crashed into his legs.

The force of water slowed his movements, but Marnie still trudged forward. First, the cool water swallowed his feet up to the ankles… A couple steps more, and his legs were swallowed up to the knee.

Then the thigh.

Then the waist.

The water slowly climbed up Marnie's body in a steady, almost soothing way. It felt predictable, and in that way, comfortable. There was no real danger because he knew exactly what the water would do next.

He was in control.

That illusion shattered where the water rose to about his chest, when the next step Marnie took sent him plunging into the black depths.

It happened so fast that his brain couldn't process it immediately. For a brief moment, Marnie experienced a surreal weightlessness, suspended in the cool saltwater. All too quickly, however, panic set in.

He could feel himself sinking deeper at an alarming rate, and watched as the moon above the surface grew smaller and smaller. Pressure increased upon his chest, causing him to gasp for air that would never come. As he did so, saltwater immediately rushed into his lungs, like an army who finally breached enemy defenses.

Marnie flailed, ears ringing. The more he struggled, the more water filled his body, and the faster he sank. All of the thoughts in his mind were dominated by a single phrase…

I'm going to die.

A derisive laugh suddenly cut through the maelstrom of panic. It was amused, bubbly even, yet dripping with condescension. Marnie opened his stinging eyes to see none other than Chez floating beside him, smirking like a devil.

“You really are a fool,” the strange man jabbed at Marnie's ego, apparently having no issues breathing. “Listening far too much to logic in a place like this. Haven't you learned that nothing you do matters here?”

No consequences… Marnie blinked, remembering that was the very reason he wanted to come back to the Other Side. What good was a place of wanton self-discovery if you could die in it just as easily as back home?

It was then that he realized his eyes were not actually stinging, nor were his water-balloon lungs actually preventing breath. So long as he gently kicked his legs, he even began to float.

Marnie's abrupt revelations only served to make Chez laugh harder.

“S-Shay! Where were you?!” Marnie stumbled over his words. He could feel the heat of embarrassment staining his cheeks red.

“Mmm… Around,” Chez answered nonchalantly. “I saw this place and thought it might be nice to take a swim for once. Didn't expect to see a lost little rabbit drown in the un-drownable, though.”

Chez’s teasing only made Marnie's face feel hotter. Frustration bundled up inside him, which was an unfamiliar and especially uncomfortable feeling. Enough to make Marnie shoot up to the surface in a huff.

When Marnie broke the water’s surface, he had no need to gasp for air or retch. Instead he spit the water from his lungs the way one would spit out mouthwash. The fact that even such a small consequence of his actions was completely non-existent felt dangerously absurd, however that was a thought he quickly dismissed as he padded back to the beach.

“I'm actually rather impressed at how restrained you are,” Chez followed Marnie out of the ocean. It was hard to tell whether his words were intended to be taunts, but they felt nearly infuriating to Marnie. “Refusing to let go of reason, even in a place where none exists. Could it be that you've only ever done what you’re told?”

“Could it be that you only know how to be an ass?” Marnie sniped back, sitting down in the sand. Much to his chagrin, Chez seemed to be delighted.

“Oho, what's this? The rabbit’s grown some fangs. How daring of him to bear them at me; I can't wait to see what other impulses will drag you along in their current.”

Marnie groaned and fell backwards into the soft terrain. “You sure talk a lot, but nothing you say makes any sense,” he complained with a grimace. “And why are you calling me a rabbit? You're the one with the ears.”

As Chez laid down, propping himself up with one arm beside Marnie, the annoyed daydreamer turned and tugged at one of his long black ears. Chez seemed unbothered by this, however, merely smirking with a silent chuckle. Then, as if revealing itself to prove Marnie wrong, the creature’s sleek black tail rose up from his back with a flick.

“Hmm, I do, don't I?” Chez replied coyly. “But I'm actually far more than a rabbit.”

“More? But, your mask is even…”

“Because I enjoy rabbits. Honestly, why would a rabbit wear a rabbit mask? I suppose I shouldn't expect much higher thought than that from a man believing himself a puppet because he clutches his own marionette strings.”

Marnie couldn't quite make sense of what Chez was saying, and that frustrated him. The best he could figure was that Chez was calling him a puppet, or maybe an idiot, which also frustrated him. In fact, nearly everything about Chez was frustrating him at that moment — from his piercing crimson eyes, boring into Marnie like embers, to the sly, mocking smile upon his lips.

As Chez prattled on with his taunts and riddles, all Marnie could think about was how infuriating it was that the creature seemed to know more about Marnie than Marnie knew himself. He wanted nothing more than to surprise Chez with something so remarkably unexpected that it'd wipe away that smirk for good. Consumed by this emotion, Marnie halted Chez's travel with the first unpredictable thing he could think of.

For whatever reason, that first thing happened to be his first kiss.

Marnie had heard others describe their first kisses before, be it in books or in conversation. Everyone seemed to agree that it was something of beauty and whimsy, so even when done so haphazardly he expected something momentous. A small spark of some kind, or a brief glimmer of jubilation.

He wasn't prepared for the intense wave of euphoria that washed over him instead. Just as his lips crashed into Chez’s, the feeling crashed into him like a tidal wave, so intense and total that it felt artificially sweet. Reminiscent of a cheap candy that's trying so hard to taste like a strawberry you won't even think to check the ingredients.

For a moment it felt wonderful and freeing, both to act on pure impulse and to sink into a sea of ecstasy. But the hint of guile beneath made Marnie's stomach turn. It filled him with unnerve, enough to force them apart.

In contrast, Chez seemed to be processing an amalgamation of surprise and intrigue. He licked his lips lightly, like a predator tasting its prey, and regarded Marnie with a curious glint in his eye.

“Consider me impressed,” he finally said, as if reading Marnie's mind. “A bit of an unorthodox way to do it, though. Perhaps you're finally getting the hang of this place.”

“Ugh!” Marnie uttered the most genuine, exasperated groan he'd ever heard leave his body. He rolled over and sat up violently, kicking up sand in the process. To think, even if he was impressed by Marnie's free will, the enigmatic Chez still wouldn't shut up.

“You're impossible! Forget it, I'm throwing myself into the sea again.”

Chez merely laughed as Marnie kipped up and stomped back out to the water's edge.

“Oh? Was drowning once not enough for the freed marionette?”

“No! It wasn't!”

Marnie turned to aggressively flaunt his middle finger as he stomped off, nearly tripping in the process. Even after that, he didn't stop marching until he was once again swallowed up by the dark sea.

This time, as Marnie plunged into the cold water without a care, he didn't try to struggle. He merely let himself become weightless, sinking deeper and deeper as the water filled his lungs. It felt like a form of catharsis, giving in to the overwhelming abyss around him. Knowing that he couldn't die suddenly made the feeling of dying almost…comfortable.

The gradually increasing pressure on his body now felt like a tight hug. The buoyancy of submersion relaxing all of his muscles felt nearly orgasmic. It was an overwhelming brain massage that lulled him into letting his mind slip away…

Marnie wanted to hold onto that feeling, and he continued to pursue it every time he found himself washed back ashore.