MYSTERY II: His personal hell

White. The ceiling was white. Cold, so… so cold. Everything was cold. However, white was better than a sinking void. His head throbbed-- his head pulsed with an aching beat. Yukio was covered in cold sweat, with a subtle glance he scanned the situation around him. By the looks of it, he was still in the Kanzaki residence. The white walls with subtle gold embroidery designs- the extravaganza was nothing an ordinary one could achieve in Kotsu town. Yukio realized that he was moved to a small cabin-like room and was laid on a couch.

The door twist opened, Kanzaki family earns billions but still have doors that creak at a push. The autumn shade peaked through the space, gawking at his now awake self like an alligator peaking out of the swamp in the middle of the night, scanning for a pray. His brows furrowed and Yukio couldn't help but roll his eyes. Something about Kaname- this calm man that only ever agitates around Yukio- Yukio did not know how to tackle him sometimes, he wasn't trying to purposefully agitate him.

“If you were awake, why didn't you come out?” Kaname grumbled but Yukio could tell he was worried when he sat on the floor, matching his eye level. For a moment Yukio didn't speak another word, the silence was screaming in mute in both of their faces. Yukio turned his face, facing the pearly wall above again, a blank canvas, a board he would love to see in not-so pure colours.

“I felt like I was dying.” Yukio whispered and the air stilled, the rhythm of their heartbeats echoed like a beat to a tune. “You were hyperventilating. You're fine now, the doctors said so.” Kaname assured, yet Yukio couldn't help but squeeze shut his eyes when the funeral frames of his friends flashed in his eyes. Yukio let out a shaky breath, as if the oxygen was being snatched away from him.

Yukio was pale. He has always been. Much like snow, it made Kaname wonder, just how red would Yukio's blood look trickling down his skin, would it shine the vibrant of passion or dread of the dead? The kind of terror it could bring in Yukio's eyes… Kaname couldn't help but find himself curious. Curious to see the kind of expression this ice cube of a man would make. Would his eyes show the phantom terror in them like the day Kaname nicked his thumb to make a talisman? Would he be so horrified that the scream wouldn't leave his lips? Would Yukio fall to his knees and grieve for Kaname-?

Kaname reached out his hand, touching the cold skin of Yukio's cheek with the back of his knuckle, gentle and slow. His cold skin was met with a warmth, hauntingly soothing. Knowingly so, Yukio leaned into the warmth. The same man who had wiped his hands off of any germs after handshaking with Kaname, was not pushing Kaname away. Peering through his hooded lids, Yukio's eyes met his amber-like gaze. Kaname felt… enthralled, he swallowed. “The desire to live is poison for people like me. The more I stand at the death’s door, the faster I can reach the truth. The spark of hope is a luxury that I can't afford to have, my only fear is to wish to be able to live.” Yukio's pupils wavered while Kaname's blood ran cold, for his heart told him- no, he was certain that Yukio was not talking about his profession.. but something particular, something much more specific. He could see it, see it in those eyes.

How could someone so strong, has eyes so frightened…

Kaname did not pity him, how could he? Different emotions in those icy eyes were like a reward for Kaname to relish in. He was not about to pry or comfort Yukio. He has no right to, after all, he was the same man who fantasized about drowning Yukio in his blood, just so he could see the ice in Yukio's eyes melt. However..

“The only blessing this universe gives you is that it gives no blessing. You are born unlucky, the stars in the sky starts counting backwards until you reach the day to say goodbye. Running away would not change the fact that it'll come to you, death I mean. Beautifully or cruelly, it really is unknown. The only thing the universe ever tells you is that death will come to you eventually.”

Kaname did wish to comfort him, however, seeing such a capable man be consumed in anxiety irked him, he would rather Yukio hurl insults at everyone than watch him panic over things he  wouldn't share with anyone. Yukio held onto Kaname's gaze and Kaname, did not look away. Something magnetic about the way his wavering pupils turned to their usual stern self and still didn't push away Kaname's hand. Docile even….

How dangerous. Anyone could snap his neck in half if he lets his guard down like this. Anyone and everyone...

Kaname's jaw clenched at just the thought of it. He hated the mere thought of someone else witnessing what Kaname had earned. Maybe he should curse Yukio, put a strengthening talisman on him so he wouldn't show weakness around others. Or maybe…

He should just stay in his hide-out classroom. Locked up and away from the world.

Kaname shook his head, pushing away irrational thoughts. Yukio was still the same man who disliked Kaname's company, let alone think of him as a friend. Yukio was still the man that had deceived him again and again, just to prove a point. He was infuriating and self-centered and…

Kaname never had the opportunity to finish his thoughts, for Yukio had finally sat up. “Where's Hikari? She must be freaking out..” Yukio almost sounded apologetic.

“Surprisingly she handled the situation better than I could have. She told me that this is something that often happens.. She was the one who helped in regulating your breathing and calming everyone else. She didn't want to leave but Kaito took her away, she clearly needed the rest.” Kaname had a guilty smile when he recited the after-tale of Yukio fainting. “Of course. She’s known me for as long as I could remember, she's seen me grow up and I've seen her too, from a child to obsessing over a guy that treats her like shit and now, she's grieving him. That good for nothing…”

Hiroshit....

Kaname nodded, he could relate to Yukio's thoughts. While he had not known Hikari for a long time, from whatever she had told Kaname, he also supported the idea of keeping Hikari away from such vile people. “As much as I want to celebrate the death of Hiroshit, that's not what we are here for, right?” A glint sparkled in Yukio's tired eyes. A cold curve of his lips and Kaname could see Yukio was back to him. “The key to the truth is here. With the Kanzaki, I finally have the excuse to involve myself in this freak circus.” Yukio's voice was albeit excited. As if he had finally caught the mouse in the trap.

“This is not about Hiroshi anymore, Kaname. I will find out the truth about the jester.”

Yukio spoke in a tone unfamiliar to Kaname, a side he had never revealed before. Kaname's throat tickled to let out a delighted chortle but he couldn't just yet, all he needs to do is watch for now, to see the kind of ruin Yukio was personally searching, the key to the truth and a gateway to expand his personal hell.