Memories I'd Rather Shut Off (PART 2)

“Hey, Finn,” Alice began, “there’s something you must know about––“

“Finn!”

I turned instantly.

That voice…

“Kayla!”

“You were here, huh?” she said, walking up to us, her expression unreadable, “…with your... friends.”

I stood up quickly, brushing dust off my pants.

“Yeah, I decided to do my lunch here with these guys.”

“Oh–“ she said, softly, “I was looking for you in your classroom to have lunch together. But,…” she paused, “never mind. Enjoy!”

She turned and started walking back.

“No. No, hey, wait, Kayla.” I stepped forward, reaching out for her, “I was just about to leave too. I…” I glanced back at Alice, guilt flickering in my chest. “…don’t really like the rooftop.”

“Oh,” she brightened instantly, “then, we can do lunch together in the class, right?”

"Yeah, let's go."

I shamelessly left there with Kayla.

I really feel bad…I don’t know why…
They were so nice to invite me to eat together but I left them for––
NO. Kayla is the reason I agreed to come to rooftop.
I should get my priorities straight. Kayla has been with me since the start; She takes priority.

We returned to my classroom.

I put my lunchbox on the desk and sat down.

Kayla pulled a chair from behind and turned it around, sitting across from me.

“So,” she leaned forward slightly, “what did you bring today, Finn?”

“Uhh…”

Why didn’t I learn to cook… I had all the time in the world.

“PBJs. I woke up lat––“

“PBJs!” her eyes lit up, “I love PBJs!”

Before I could react, she grabbed one of the sandwiches and bit down.

“MMm…I really like the sweet and salty contrast.”

…our…

“Our tastes are similar!” I said.

“I know, right?” she replied, taking another bite.

I wonder what else we have in common…I want to know more about her.

“Anyway, Finn,” she said with a slight shift in her tone, “why were you with those guys? Didn’t I tell you to stay away from them?”

“I, uh…”

I froze.

…

What do I say?? Admitting I went with them hoping to see her would be embarrassing...

“Especially that Alice,” she continued, “he seems to hate me for some reason. I haven’t even done anything to me.”

Her voice trembled.

“I haven't done anything to anyone…yet they are after me all the time…spreading rumors about me to isolate me.”

She looked down.

“It’s all fake, Finn, the rumors are all fake.”

…So this is what she’s been going through all this time.

Seeing her break down like that, it only brought back bad memories in bits and pieces.
Memories that I’d rather shut off if it was possible.

“You know, Kayla,” I began, “When we first met…”

She looked up at me.

“Your personality and…how you handle yourself––they pulled me in towards you. I…felt a strange kind of connection to you. A connection I can’t even describe. It’s just…strange.”

I took a breath.

“But…now I understand.”

She stayed silent.

Listening.

“It’s because we both share the same sorrow. We both just…can’t fit in with the rest of the people…no matter how hard we try. It ends up the same every time.”

Her eyes softened.

“That’s why,” I continued, “when we walk to school together… or walk home together…even eating like this…these small things are something that I’ve longed for forever.”

Her eyes filled with tears.

“So, Kayla…”

I hesitated.

“Yes, Finn.” She whispered.

“Will yo––“

“You should return to your class now.”

Alice’s voice cut through the moment.

I turned sharply.

He stood there, alone this time.

“…Excuse me?” Kayla snapped at Alice, “There’re still ten minutes left. I’m not going anywhere.”

“That’s right, Alice,” I added, “leave us al––”

“You shut up and come with me, Finn.” Alice said, grabbing my arm and pulled me up, “we need to finish what we were talking about.”

“H-Hey, Alice,” I said, “What’s the meaning of this? Can’t this wait?”

“No,” he said, “Not after what you were about to do.”

He dragged me into the boy’s washroom and let go.

I pulled my arm back.

“Your situation…” he began, “It’s worse than I imagined. She’s already made her way into your subconscious. That girl destroys everything she comes across. You should l––”

“That's enough…” I said, frowning, “I thought you were different than them, Alice. Now I see why she told me to stay away from you.“

“And you're going to listen to her?”

"Of course." I said, "And spare me the rumors, Alice."

"Oh? Did she also tell you that? Rumors?"

“Yeah. Plain rumors. It’s all fake.”

Alice took a step closer.

“What do you even know about her, Finn? You transferred here just 3 days ago and you’re talking like you know her better than me.”

“Because I do. I understand her more than you guys ever can.”

Saying this, I turned and started walking out the washroom.

“Stay away from her, Finn.” Alice said, his voice calmer now, “Leave her before it’s too late.”

I didn’t respond and kept walking.

What’s that guy’s problem…I thought we could be good friends…I really did. But I guess he’s just the same as others.
…

If I have to choose between him or Kayla, I’m of course choosing her.
In the last two days, I’ve been genuinely happy.
I look forward to the next day…I look forward to school…
I look…forward.

Of course I’d choose her over anyone.

As I was about to reach the classroom, the bell rang.

Aw man…He wasted my precious time with Kayla.

I slid open the door and walked in.
Kayla wasn’t there.

Of course…anyone would leave after how Alice spoke to her.
I’ll apologise to her on his behalf in the departure.

I walked to my seat and sat down.

A few minutes later, Alice entered the classroom and just went to his seat, without even looking at me.

When the final bell rang, I quickly packed my things and rushed out the door.

...

She’s not here...

I paced down the corridor, scanning every nook and corner with my eyes.

She must be outside…hopefully.

I walked out of the school building, expecting her to see her around the corner.

“Kayla–“

…

She wasn’t there.

…

She’s not here…either?

I scanned around the gates, looking for her.

Wait––
She might still be in class.

I turned and ran back inside.

I scaled the stairs, through the crowd of students leaving.

“Sorry–excuse me–“

…

I was so close.
If only Alice hadn’t interrupted, I could’ve said it and we’d have been together right now, walking home.

Halfway up, I ran into Alice, who was walking down with his girlfriend.

We exchanged a quick glance before I ran past him.

I reached class 2B and slid the door open.

“KAYLA!”

…

Not…here either?

The class was empty.

…!

Then it hit me.

I ran down the stairs, out the building, turned the corner and rushed straight towards the station.

She must've left already.

I ran.

And ran.

Until I was at the end of my breath.

Finally…made it. I hope I’m not too late.

I stood there bent down, with my hand on my knees, forcing air back into my lungs as my eyes searched the platform.

…

Thank god…there she is! She still hasn’t left.

She was standing there, near the platform where we used to wait for the train.

Her head was lowered, and she was…quiet.

Still.

I straightened and walked towards her, slowly.

“Finally found you,” I said, still catching my breath, “Good thing the train is late, huh?”

“Finn!?” she looked up, startled, “I…I’m sorry for not waiting. It’s just––”

“Don’t be,” I cut in, gently, “you don’t have to explain anything.”

She lowered her head again quickly, without responding.

The train arrived, not as much packed today.

We got in.

Inside the train, she stayed silent.

Hands clasped in front of her. Eyes down.
She didn’t even glance at me once, as if she’s trying to hold something back…maybe her emotions.

I didn’t try to talk either, and gave her the space she needed.

I didn’t, until we were about to reach my station.

“Kayla,” I began, firmly, “I want to know more about you. And I want you to know more about me.”

I turned towards her, my eyes dedicated and all.

"I want to visit that new burger place with you." I continued, "And not just that, I want to visit all the places in the town with just us two. Zoo, aquariums, karaoke, even parks will do. Because if I'm with you, even boring place would be the most fun place on earth for me."

She kept staring at me, without letting a single word out.

“So...” I took a breath, “Will you accompany me everywhere, Kayla? Will you make every boring place fun for me? Will you... go out with me?”

The train slowed to a stop, and doors swished open.

“You don’t have to give me an answer right away,” I said, getting off the train, “but please, consider it.”

I looked back at her, smiling. “I love you, Kayla.”