Chapter 4

At 5 a.m., Basil wakes Matthew up for breakfast. But today the meowing makes him more irritated than usual.

He tries going back to sleep, but it’s fruitless.

“Four hours until the meeting starts,” is all he can think about. He feels like he is on the verge of a meltdown. He decides to get up and take a shower to try relaxing before the meeting, but he has a lump in his throat. Straight out of the shower, his palms are sweaty again.

He has a quick breakfast in preparation for the meeting, but eating is hard. This morning he feels it is wise to avoid caffeine, so he steeps some tea.

He checks the slides on his phone over and over again to make sure he is prepared.

A couple minutes before the meeting starts, he turns on his laptop. But he is caught off guard by an unexpected system update.

“Not today, not today!” is all he can think.

He ends up being five minutes late for the meeting. He apologizes, but Janet doesn’t let it go easily.

“Good afternoon, Matthew! Slept in today once again?”

He feels his face immediately flush.

He tries to share his screen and start the presentation, but it’s like all the buttons have changed places today.

“OK, Matthew, we are ready to get started,” Janet says.

He finally finds the share button, but he still can’t get a word out. Everything seems louder than usual. The computer’s fan, the fridge motor, the cars outside.

“Just one minute, please,” he says.

Matthew gets up and grabs his noise-cancelling headphones. When he puts them on, it’s like the world calms down. He takes a breath and is finally able to get started.

He feels prepared, but Janet keeps interrupting. She constantly asks him to move forward and back on his slides, which makes him lose his train of thought.

She has to question and comment on everything he says, over and over again.

Matthew starts stuttering, and Janet throws a savage blow.

“Excuse him, Mr. Jones. He is autistic.”

He cannot believe what he is hearing. He told her that in privacy. He trusted her, and now she’s exposing him in front of his coworkers. In front of the CEO.

His ears start to ring, and he tries moving forward, but his thoughts are disconnected.

“You know what, Matthew, why don’t you let me take it from here? Feel free to drop out of the call.”

He immediately signs off, feeling completely embarrassed.

“I can’t believe she said that,” he thinks over and over again.

He is exhausted. But he paces around the apartment, until a call comes in through the computer. It’s Janet once again.

She is upset. She tells Matthew that he embarrassed her in front of her boss.

Matthew questions her about revealing his diagnosis to other people, but she says it’s not that big of a deal. That he is being too sensitive.

The words cut him like a knife. He starts getting exasperated.

“You know what, Matthew,” she says, forcing a sweet tone, “I think it would be best for all of us if you took some time off from work.”

“What? I can’t!” he replies, louder than intended. “I have so many tickets to deliver next week”

“We’ll make it work,” she says. “They were not important anyway”.

It’s a slap in his face. Is his work not important after all?

“I’m sorry Janet, I messed it up. It won’t happen again. But I need my hours”

“There’s nothing I can do about it, Matthew. Orders from the CEO. Effective immediately.”

“But Janet”

“Have a good day, Matthew.” And she hangs up.

Matthew throws himself on the sofa and stays there for the whole day with no food, water, or washroom breaks. He is in full shutdown mode. When it’s already dark, he only gets up to feed Basil, and this time lies on the bed.

He can’t stop ruminating about what happened. About his forced time-off. And Janet even tried to pretend like it would be good for him, but all he wanted was to keep his routine. His work. His privacy. She had no right to reveal his autism to others. Will the news spread? Will people look at him differently? Will he even be allowed to come back?

Matthew is also worried about how he is going to pay rent this month, if he will not be working. Maybe he needs to find some freelance work in the meantime?

Worry after worry after worry. Matthew struggles to get out of this spiral.

Basil snuggles up with him in bed, and that helps his body relax for a bit.

“I’m sorry I haven’t given you a lot of attention these past days, buddy. But we’ll have a whole month to play together.”

That gives Matthew a glimmer of something to look forward to. At least he will have more time with Basil.

While feeling the soft texture of Basil’s fur on his hands, Matthew finally falls asleep.