V — Her Lullaby, the One Dazai Left Behind

In an instant, that bright smile simply melted her little cold frozen heart.

As if the setting sun was simmering during the spring after quite a period of winter.

It was so dazzling and all glitters that she couldn't resist it at all.

Anna then looked away soon after seeing him being all joyful and energetic.

And no, it's not that she was being allergic to the sun in front of her.

Rather, by looking directly at its source of light, she was afraid of getting burned.

Yes, by its somewhat calm, radiating joy. 

Or maybe... maybe, she never had any chance to go outside before.

So, this was the first time she felt it that way. 

A sunrise after the dead of moonlight, during the middle of night.

"Are you... okay? Does it hurt?"

She tried her best to initiate a conversation.

Anything useful. Anything important.

Or maybe, maybe… it was something else deeper.

"Mhm. I'm fine."

"There's nothing to worry about, Kanzaki-san."

Those sentences just flew easily from his mouth, as if there were no need for any stutter.

Even one or two wouldn't be hurt either.

But what happened next was too all of a sudden, even for her.

"Here."

With both hands, he offered the manga book he was just reading, as if it was nothing.

"Eh?" 

Anna startled again. Her mind froze.

"Take this. I will have to go."

He already prepared to walk away. No, he was running from that fear.

But still, he tried his best not to falter, especially in front of her.

"Bye."

He waved his hand.

 Slowly, but also cautiously, a smile still drawn on his face.

B-bye.

That's indeed what crossed her mind when he said that.

However, instead of replying like that, she instinctively raised her hand immediately.

Then she waved, despite it never being a habit.

It's just her, carried by her own instinct and desire.

He then looked away, walking slowly before stopping after just one step.

"Oh, right. I almost forgot."

The atmosphere all of a sudden changed into something else.

Gone was the camaraderie warmth that he showed to her earlier.

Or that radiating joy, the one that was masking all of the tension and coldness.

"Everything you have seen here..."

"Just pretend it never happened."

"Okay?"

He walked away. Just like that.

No, he couldn't word that sentence any better. 

Let alone did he ever get any chance to fix it.

It was never meant as a threat. 

Or without coming off as cold—the very trait he despised utmost.

Yet it was quite chilling akin to his usual sociable mask.

However, that was what intrigued Anna.

Is he... always like that?

The 'Riku Reita' she had known, especially from hearing her classmates gossip, was... 

To say the least, somewhat different.

Always smiling, never complaining. Always laughing, never lamenting.

And always motivating others, never really showing any indifference.

Like the one he had displayed just then.

However, those last words he said were cold, almost threatening.

Is he maybe the same... as me?

Anna's heart stirred with the uncertainty within the weight of such a question.

And even so, she couldn't imagine how heavy the answer would be either.

After all, she was never the one to assume someone's personality.

Not even her childhood friends, nor her classmates, let alone her teachers.

No, not even any family member she had known for a very long time.

So, how dare she question the true nature of Riku Reita, the class' brightest star himself?

The only connection she had was with her grandma. 

Or else, her father who used to love and care about her.

But they were gone, leaving her nothing but a void, crippling like a hole inside her heart.

Exactly like the empty vase she had mentioned to herself earlier.

What am I even thinking? That's really stupid, Anna.

She simply couldn't come up with anything else fruitful either.

It was unfair to assume anyone's personality, and she had no rights to understand Riku Reita.

She stopped after quite a period of daydreaming. Minutes passed, but it felt like a few seconds.

She looked at the manga, casually checking what's behind it.

Quite a habit before buying anything. Or maybe she just refused to have any regrets.

Even if it never happened. 

No, she just learned from the best.

Her own experience observing people around her. Including and especially her klutzy mother.

"Wait... what's the price?" her lips muttered common sense.

She checked it under the label on that shelf where the manga was listed.

She walked away from that section, purchased the book, then went home like nothing happened.

And no, not because of him, since she already wanted to forget that encounter too.

After all, she also had to prepare for dinner. Nothing was more noteworthy than those ingredients.

Once she arrived, she tossed the manga into her bedroom. And of course, went to the kitchen.

I think, maybe I will read it later.

...

Once finished, she was lying on her bed, reading that shoujo romcom manga.

Though, what made her wonder is... why did she buy the one he gave her?

Oh no...

The realization simply hit naturally. The fact that she was holding the manga.

And that his hands were there too, holding it in a similar way.

What's wrong with me?!

Startled, she dropped the manga, the page showing the part where a couple was talking to each other. It was a scene where a princess, who had been treated like a prince, finally initiated a conversation with the true prince himself.

The one that perhaps reflected that exact longing... to talk with him.

However, she didn't feel like one at all.

She never had any will to talk with him.

If Osamu Dazai was in my situation, what would he do?

She then also couldn't help but wonder… 

whether this was merely the lullaby she would leave for him, or if there would be none at all.