A real handful

I blinked in silence as I stared at Nono. "Shave you here? Girl, this is a diner. We eat here, we don't do haircare here."

"I ain't got no more hair," Nono grinned as she slapped her head.

"And what am I supposed to do with the depilatory cream? I can't be uncapping that stuff where food and stuff food goes on is nearby. Shit could get me a lawsuit."

"Then, why not shave me with food?"

"Oi, what the hell do you take me for?"

"A super sadist who'd lather a girl in shaving cream before shoving her into a fountain and shaving her publicly for all to see?"

"This is a DINER! You don't play with your food here, you eat it."

But Nono grabbed the ketchup and mustard bottles, holding them over her head before squeezing out their contents on her head. Once enough was on, she smothered the mess all over her head and face.

"Mmph! Ngh mmph mmph!" Nono shouted as she pointed at me.

"Oi... you seriously asking me to pull out a razor and shave you while you're covered in slop?" I growled.

Nono nodded her head.

"Alright, close your eyes."

(;_;)(;_;)(;_;)

Mysti's really gonna shave me here! With what she was saying earlier, I was worried she'd pussy out, but I know she's sadist. A sadist who can't resist a good humiliation.

Smack!

Something just got slapped on my head. I can't tell what it is. Cheese maybe? Ah! Is she gonna turn me into a full cheeseburger!? HELL YEAH! Wait, I'M NOT RECORDING! I gotta record this- Huh? The sensation... it's like... I'm being wiped... with a napkin.

Opening my eyes confirmed the fact much to my horror. "WHAT THE HELL! I WANNA BE SHAVED!"

"I ain't yanking out a razor here, you idiot. Want to get shaved, head to the bathroom," Mysti snarled.

"But you shaved Sumi in public! I wanna be too!"

"Then why'd you ask to come here instead of the park?"

"Uh..."

SHIT! That's a huge counterpoint! Why didn't I just think of asking her to do the same shit she did to Sumi!? Ah, but that's it. I don't want to just be Sumi 2.0. I want to stand out on my own, be acknowledged, make different memories. Or is it she's never seen me like she does Sumi? Ah, guess that's on me. My first impressions probably screwed me, and now, I'm only worsening things. Ugh, and she's in a bad mood too because of the cavebeard.

"Oi, you malfunction or something?"

"Y- Yeah! Just a prank, just a prank. Lets order some shit."

I guess that'll do for now. ...? Oh look at that. The menu here has something nice, nice for humiliating me with that is...

Once the food came, I held the waitress up. "You got like a bottle of honey? I wanna splort more that shit on this pancake sandwich," I grinned.

The waitress nodded and returned a bit later with a bottle of honey.

"You like honey?" Mysti asked.

"YUP!" I grinned as I grabbed that shit and popped the cap.

I remember hearing a story that back in the day, they used honey instead of wax for... you know, waxing. And since you don't need any razors for yanking wax off, I bet a honey wax would get her in the dommy mood. One problem...

Not feeling any sensation on my head, I stared at the bottle. It was full, but shit wasn't coming out. So I took off the whole cap, and it began to pour out... slowly...

"Why are you trying to pour honey on yourself?" Mysti growled as she snatched the bottle from me.

"Bu- but the wax..."

"'Wax'? Ah, honey can be used in waxes, but pure honey? Needs to mixed with some sugar, otherwise it's just honey."

"Oh..."

"You've really been a bad girl today, and when I'm in a lousy mood."

"S- Sorry, ma'am..."

"So to punish you..."

My eyes bulged as Mysti dug her hand into the milkshake she ordered and scooped out all the whipped cream, smearing it all over my head and face.

"Now, no razors, so I'll have to just use my fingers to scrape off all that cream," Mysti grinned.

Heh?

Then before I knew it, Mysti pressed her finger into my cheek, scraping a chunk a cream off before sticking the whole glob in her mouth.

"MMMMMPPPPHHHH!?"

"If its whipped cream, I can eat it. Especially... if it's all over my girlfriend's smooth bald head," Mysti snickered as she went in for another go.

Huh? Heart beating, vision blurring...

Poof!

...

Ah, she lost consciousness. The nerve of her. I've got enough fallout to deal with from the health department, last thing I need is getting banned from the diner. Hmm... there's still cream on her head and face. Guess I'll clean it up, but would it be wasteful to just do it with a napkin? 

She's out cold, so it's not like I'd get any reaction from this, but... she does look kinda cute like this... 

What am I thinking? 

I quickly scooped all the cream off her and dumped it back into my milkshake before sipping the whole thing down, my face likely red all the while. 

(;_;)(;_;)(;_;)

"Ngh... Huh? What happened?" I mumbled as I woke up. 

"You botched it. Now here's the bill," Mysti grumbled as she slid a piece of paper towards me. 

"$37? That's more than-" 

"It includes the food. You were treating, right?" 

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep again. 

"Oi, what's the deal with you? You've been acting weird lately." 

"I told you before, you went on a date with Sumi, so I want one too! ...!" 

I just said that shit out loud... It's a dream. Yeah, we'll roll with that. 

"So you dragged me to a diner just to have a date... Pretty lousy. So lousy, I feel like dragging you to the park and shoving you into a fountain." 

It... It really is a dream. 

"I'll pay this shit! Let's go to the park!" 

...

Really, what a troublesome woman, but I guess it was fun staring at her shocked, unconscious face as I scraped the cream off her. Think her paying the meal price warrants her a little reward at the park. 

...

Nono and I stared in disbelief at the sight before us; the fountain was sealed off with tape for repairs. 

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Nono cried. 

"Tch, the shit we gotta deal with. On the bench, legs crossed," I snarled as I readied my can of shaving cream and razor. 

Nono was there smiling in seconds. I swear, she's the biggest handful I've ever had to deal with, but at least she's a cute girl and not a "cavebeard" as she best put it to describe Beckett et al.