I'm Sorry

“Finally. I’ll let you use the spies we’ve captured to conduct experiments to find the healing ability you’re looking for. Once you finish your experiments, you can heal their scars and wounds at the end so we can sell them for more money.” The man who called himself Clauffer Von Verse explained.

“But to conduct experiments on people is a little…” I voiced my concerns.

“You want to find the secret to healing magic don’t you?”

“Well, uh…”

“Not to mention they’re just spies. They’re our enemy, not our friends. All they want is information so that our great kingdom can fall. All they want is more bloodshed. You want to protect our kingdom, right?”

“Still.”

“I’m not telling you to kill them. Just use them to experiment and then heal them afterwards! If they’re healed then there won’t be a problem.”

“But to experiment I’d have to reattach their limbs. If it doesn’t work, they won’t have use for their cut limb.”

“Yes, I know. But once you figure out the way to properly heal people, you can simply heal them as well. You’ll only be allowed to experiment once per spy, however.”

“Well.”

“Think about it. Once you figure it out you’ll be able to heal people of all kinds. You’ll fix their issues. All you’ll need to sacrifice is a few lowly worms.”

“Fine.” I reluctantly answered, letting out a sigh as I did.

While I’m still not completely convinced of the methods he described, I can say it’s not the worst option. After all, I do have an idea I’d want to test out and this would be the best way to do so. He also does make a convincing argument. These people would end up causing further harm to others which would make all this work counterintuitive.

This was by far the best method I could think of to find it. I need to do this for everyone else, or they won’t be able to keep going with their lives. I need to help them. I need to save them! This is the only thing I can do for them. If it’s just a few spies then they can contribute to something bigger than them.

I should be only testing on those who had already had their limbs removed. This should work out just fine. It’ll all be fine. In the end everyone will be fine, I’m sure of it. Everyone will be fixed, and they can move on. They can be happy. I need to make them happy.

“Perfect! It’s been a long day, so please let my men take you to the guest room. Tomorrow we can start in earnest.” The short nobleman excitedly spoke.

“Where will we be doing the experiments?” I wondered.

“Right here in the dungeon below this home.”

“Here?”

“We normally keep most of the spies in prisons around my domain. However, the ones that are of particular interest are kept here.”

“Particular interest?”

“They are ones that continued disrespecting our great nation even after capture.”

“I see.”

“Yes. They will serve as great subjects. They should keep you busy until we can get more shipped in from the prisons.”

“O-okay.” I responded.

This man seemed to view these people as mere products. He refers to moving them over here as “shipping them”. I guess he made his intention clear about selling them. I hope I don’t become like this man by staying here. I’ll go with his dastardly plans, but I can’t help myself from disliking him.

Following along with the men escorting me out of the room, I tailed them through the massive premises. There was a growing uncertainty in me but it was better to ignore it. I’m doing this for others. I don’t have time to back out. I have to remain strong and keep going.

I finally arrived at the massive door blocking my way. It was painted with the same peach colour as one of the guardsman's skin. They opened the door for me and gestured for me to enter without saying anything.

“Thank you.” I attempted to show gratitude for the team that had brought me here.

However, from what had happened earlier in the room with Clauffer, I think they were trying to get away from me as fast as possible. Without giving any response, they made their way out quickly and slammed the door behind them. I can’t blame them. I did knock them away and freeze them in place, after all. I didn’t even use my hands this time to cast the magic either, it was just my thoughts. I didn’t get to see the loving glow that magic normally produces though.

I’ve tried using magic like that before while looking into a mirror. I had seen that like normal, the shining colours appeared on the areas affected, but they also appeared over my eyes. It was as though my eyes were candles and the colour was the flame that ignited them. However, when the eminence is on my eye, I am unable to see it.

My body had started growing increasingly weary. I had just realized that on this three day trip to this place I had not slept a wink. Instead I had been trapped in my thoughts, and sometimes the lack thereof. I was ready to finally sleep and wake up tomorrow, ready to learn for Fae, ready to learn for everyone.

I laid into the comfy bed, its softness allowed me to sink into it as it wrapped around me. It felt like what I had imagined clouds to feel like. Getting up so as to prepare to sleep, I noticed there were sleeping clothes laid out for me at the counter next to the bed. I brushed my hand over them. The daisy coloured clothes felt softer than even the bed.

They appeared to be made from a fine silk, one which I had never seen before. While I had seen silk clothes and silk for sale, this was the first time I saw one of such quality. Undressing and putting them on, they had felt just as soft on my body as they did to touch.

With how tired I am, paired with the soft bed and clothes I should be able to fall asleep instantaneously today. The knowledge of how comfortable I’d be as soon as I got into the bed made me once again get on the bed, this time going underneath the sheets.

The excessive warmth made it feel as though hundreds of people were hugging me right now. In a way, this had felt more comfortable than the softness. This feeling reminded me of all the people who needed my help. The thought comforted me until I fell asleep, the feeling still stirring in my heart.

“Please wake up.” A timid voice called from somewhere, forcing my eyes awake.

As I tiredly began to sit up, still keeping the blanket wrapped around me so as not to give up this heat, I looked around. Where was I? I don’t remem…...wait! I do remember! I met with that noble! That’s right. I fell asleep in the guest room and was going to start working on experiments.

How could I forget something that important? I even resolved myself to learn for all those that need my help. My head was starting to ache from the sudden self loathing.

Looking down, I examined my body which was still wrapped in the loving sheets of the bed. Looks like I’m not quite dead so this wasn’t a trap after all. Although if I did truly expect it to be a trap, falling asleep so casually and for so long wouldn’t have been the most ideal idea I’ve had.

“Hraaaaaaarh.” I let out a big yawn almost loud enough to start echoing in the room.

“Hraaaa--” An apprehensive voice cut off their yawning.

I looked around the room to try and make out where the yawn had come from. I found a beautiful woman wearing a maid costume like the ones I had seen in picture books. Her turquoise hair shined beautifully in the light of the room.

“Ah, sorry my lady.” She elegantly apologized, bowing in respect.

“Such pretty hair!” I ignored her apology, instead choosing to comment on her feature which had ensnared me.

“Ah, well this is…”

“What?”

“Sir Clauffer likes to have all his servants who show their faces to look as beautiful as possible, so I need to take care of my hair.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Your hair is really lovely too, it’s so much longer than mine.” She complimented me.

Her assessment was correct. While my hair reached to the top of my waist, her’s only reached just past her shoulders. I remembered a time when my hair was that short, but chose to let it grow out since I thought it looked better. Well I’m sure my decision wasn’t wrong, but with all the troubles it causes by getting in my face, sometimes I think it’s better to cut it.

“Thank you.” I replied to her compliment.

“Oh we better get going quickly. Sir Clauffer is expecting you!” She worriedly exclaimed.

“Oh, then we better hurry. But first, tell me your name.”

“Uh, it’s Requa.”

“That’s a nice name.” I compliment her once more before getting up.

I got out of bed and examined my clothes which had been thoroughly cleaned for me before I had gotten up. I quickly went to the bathroom where Requa came to help me clean up. I never had someone do this for me before so it felt a little weird. I tried my best not to resist or otherwise it would’ve taken too long to get ready.

Being late would likely have meant punishment for Requa, seeing the way Clauffer had treated people like worms. As we left the bathroom, I swiftly put on my sundress and followed her out of the lovely room. We took a long walk which was considered to be the short way to Clauffer’s room.

Finally arriving, we entered the room to see him waiting. He seemed to have dressed for the occasion, but looking at the set of wardrobes which were still exposed to me in his room, it seemed as though all his clothes were of this level of class.

“Finally! You’re here!” He exclaimed with an annoyed tone.

“Yeah we are, uh, you.” I replied, unsure what to call him.

He let out a sigh before speaking. “Just call me Clauffer. It’ll make things easier for when we need to discuss things. What’s yours?”

“Huh?”

“Name!”

“Oh, right. Celestia.” I responded by reaching out my hand for a handshake.

With a momentary look of disgust at the thought, he relented and grabbed my hands. We shook hands, confirming our partnership which was discussed yesterday.

“Alright. Let’s make our way to the dungeon.” He commanded.

“You’re coming as well?” I asked.

“I’ll only come to the stairs which lead you to the dungeon. After that, I’ll let you deal with it since I am very busy.”

“I see.”

We made our way towards the stairs which would lead us to the dungeon. Like the previous walk, this one had been just as long, if not longer. After at least seven minutes of walking we had finally reached the stairs.

We used a set of stairs to get downstairs to the main floor. They were made out of a glossy wood which looked as though it had just been cleaned mere seconds before we stepped on it. However, these stairs that went even further down seemed to be made of limestone and followed in a spiraled motion. The stairs themselves had only become visible after opening a trap door and were walled in by the same limestone.

When Requa and I began descending the stairs, Clauffer had started to leave as this was as far as he was planning to go. He exited in a completely different direction from that which we had just came from. Deciding not to press him to come with us, I chose to follow Requa down the stairs.

The stairs were also long. It felt that we were going so deep that we would eventually reach the other side of the world. However, as in a way to disappoint me, the stairs ended up revealing a large tunnel made of silver rock. On the sides of this wide corridor were prison cells, each being about seven meters in length and width.

“Clauffer only said there were a few prisoners here, right?” I tried to confirm with Requa.

“Yes. While the cells go on for quite a while, they are mostly empty.” She explained.

“I see. So where’s the injured?”

“Huh?”

“Well who am I going to be healing?”

“Oh I see. Go down that way, I’ll join you in just a second.”

“O-okay.” I agreed and began following the tunnel.

I wonder why she isn’t coming with me. Maybe she needs to grab something to open the cells? I tried to peer into the cells, but it was pretty difficult to make out anything inside as the torch light which lit the path was not bright enough to peer into the cells. I kept walking down the corridor I was told to go down, going slowly so as to allow the maid to catch up.

“Waaaaaaaait!” She called out.

“You’re finally back! Being here alone is kinda weird, haha.” I welcomed her back. Her arms were behind her back.

“Oh, I see. Well this is the spy.” She pointed to a dark cell.

“Where? I can’t see him.”

“Oh no. I forgot the lantern to ignite the torches.”

“Oh I got it.” I grabbed one of the unlit sticks from the wall, setting it on fire.

“Uh, thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Now let’s see.” I used the torch to peer into the dark cell, looking for the person inside.

Having some difficulty still seeing, Requa opened the cell while I was still trying to look, allowing me to enter.

“Go on in. It’ll be easier!” She told me, putting her hands behind her back again.

“Thank you.” I replied, assuming she just felt comfortable like that.

Stepping inside, the torch illuminated the room, showing me the person who would serve as the first to be experimented on. It was a thinner man with white hair. I guessed it was his natural hair colour as his face didn’t seem to be elderly.

He was strapped down to a table with leather belts around his limbs and torso, making it so he couldn’t move. It seemed as though he was asleep as his eyes were shut. Looking at him, while he had quite a bit of scars, he was not missing a limb.

“Hey Requa, he’s not missing a limb. Why was I taken here?” I questioned her.

“Oh, that’s because…” She began speaking, bringing her hands in front of her. “You’ll be doing the honours of cutting his arm off!” She explained with a dead smile, bringing a cleaver the size of my forearm into view.

“W-what do you mean?”

“Obviously we need you to do it. I’m sure it’ll help with your research!”

“I-I-I can’t do something like that! Clauffer said I would be experimenting, not doing the torture! He never mentioned this!”

“Sir Clauffer did mention this. You just weren’t paying attention! Also it’s not torture, we believe it will help you with your research.” She forced the cleaver into my hands.

Looking at the opportunity in front of me, I approached the man and got next to him to look at him more clearly. I tried poking him to see if he was even still alive as his stillness had started to worry me. Waking up with a jolt, his body shook and his eyes forced open.

“Oh, back again to torture me are you! As I said, you stupid idiots won’t ever get me to say anything! This nation can burn for all I care.” He began shouting.

“U-u-uhh, n-no, I-” I tried choking out the words I wanted to say.

“Hahah. They hire new help and they’re just a scared stupid noble!”

“I can’t do this!” I turned to Requa and tried to plead my way out.

“Celestia, you must do this. How are you going to heal those you need to!” She responded.

“But to do something like this is too much!”

“We can stop. You’ll just never be able to heal those you want to.”

I turned away from her, trying to calm myself. My heart had started to beat out of control and my breaths were getting shallower by the second. Looking down at the cleaver I had held out of the man's sight, and then at the man, I started to feel cold.

How could I do this? If I do this will it really help? What if all of this ends up being for nothing? Will this poor man even be able to withstand this? What if he dies? What if I can’t heal him?

“What’s wrong girlie? Scared?” He mocked.

“P-please, stop.” I begged him.

“Haha, if you’re this stupid I can’t imagine how your parents are!”

“Stop!”

“I bet your teachers were just as dumb as you are!”

“I said to stop!”

“Or what?” He laughed.

“Hurry up and do it!” Requa persisted.

Bringing the cleaver upwards into his sight, his eyes widened and sweat began to bead across his face. I brought the cleaver to his arm. I turned my head away from the man so I could avoid making eye contact with him. In a desperate attempt to block out everything, I also closed my eyes to make sure I could no longer see anything. I even tried to push air into my ears by concentrating so that I could block out any sounds he was making. This plan I had was still not able to work for what I had hoped. He began pleading, saying he would do anything, but it had been far too late. The cleaver was already in motion. As it hit, his screams echoed across the room and directly into my ears.

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