Women Old Enough To Be My Grandma

I never realized how I had slipped back to the assertiveness that Professor Silva had insisted all men should have. Since I already knew that I was misinterpreting things that Professor Silva had said, I shouldn’t have attempted to seduce Mamie as I did. Plus, the skills I had learned in Expressive Arts lectures weren’t yet enough for application just yet. I should have stuck to the instincts that carried my high school social life, as I had declared to myself before making the mistake.

Despite my bad decisions, I lucked out and salvaged a deal with Mamie. Or, to be more pedantic, one could say that she had suggested the terms to me.

Or… to be even more pedantic, she basically used violence to force me to submit.

It was less of a deal and more like an uneven treaty after an unconditional surrender. Better not dwell on the past too much, and instead, it would be more productive to extend my gaze towards the future.

And the ‘future’ in question was Mamie’s house. I didn’t know what I had expected, but just not a normal-looking two-story beige building that blended in with the rest of the neighborhood well. They even had a lawn. In this economy.

“Sorry for the intrusion.” As I took off my shoes at the foyer, I marveled at the interior, at the living room in full view. Wow. How normal.

“Can your face get any more disrespectful? Are you even practicing expression control?” Mamie pressed her forehead, and a deep sigh rushed out from her throat.

The scowl on your face is definitely worse than any expression I could be making right now. But I didn’t say it out loud. In case she showed off her ‘taekwondo’ again.

“Nice house,” I said instead, but of course that wasn’t enough to swap in a better mood to display on Mamie’s face. After she slid her feet into her slippers, she crossed her arms and stared at me oh so creepily. Her serious expression was in stark contrast to her dark blue shorts and plain white T-shirt, which this time had no goofy words on it.

“What do you want me to say? That your house looks like dog shit? Not that I think that. It truly looks lovely.” I flinched at the slightest bit of her movement, but she merely strode ahead into the living room. Though confused by her lack of comments, I still followed her.

Which might have been a mistake.

“I’m home,” Mamie said.

“Mamie-chan! You bought a guest… no, a boy home.” A middle-aged woman, slightly taller than me, rushed forth from the kitchen, trailed by another similarly aged woman with heavy makeup. They encircled me and sized me up as if I were some rare specimen. And what was up with that emphasis on the word ‘boy’?

“Oh my, you never told us you had a boyfriend!” The other woman beamed. Maybe she would look better without the face paint that brought to mind a hunter-gatherer tribe.

“We are just friends with benefits,” I rushed to correct her. But judging by Mamie’s glare, it was evidently the wrong choice. That was our agreement! Did she forget? Why do women have to be so cryptic? I silently promised myself to get to rereading Professor Silva’s work as soon as possible.

Maybe that wasn’t necessary, since the riddle answered itself in the next moment. “Ohhh. What are the benefits?” The taller woman asked casually. Oh right. I forgot that not everyone is terminally online.

“What do you think the benefits are?” I tossed out a question to buy time. Yet another error, possibly. I might have been squeezing myself deeper into a corner of cringe.

“Hmmm… Is Mamie-chan paying you to be her friend?” The other woman answered with a question. I wouldn’t be surprised if these two started finishing each other’s sentences.

“Oh, no. If anything, I would be paying this lovely girl for her company.” I almost audibly exhaled, thankful that the discourse finally slipped away from having to explain what ‘friends with benefits’ was for two women old enough to be my grandma.

The tall woman took back the conversation baton. “Maybe you can after she graduates. Oh ho ho.” I hoped the ‘oh ho ho’ was a sign that she had realized how awkward that sentence was, but since her face was devoid of embarrassment, I wouldn’t count on that possibility.

“By the way, my name is Kuronuma Shuntaro. Nice to meet you two.” Even though it wasn’t nice at all.

The women, who apparently lived in the neighborhood and were hired by Mamie’s mother as part-time housekeepers, introduced themselves. The taller one was called Maeta Keiko, while the pseudo-artist was Ishito Aiko, whose makeup seemed more ‘shito’ the more I looked at it.

“Aunties. If you don’t mind, I have to talk about something with Kuronuma-kun in my room.” Mamie dragged me away from the two nosy ladies. Her pursed lips conveyed the same feelings as mine, although I hid those emotions behind a smile.

“Ooooo. They are going to be alone,” Maeto said, while Ishito also muttered something that I couldn’t hear. How old were these two? That said, if it were a month ago, my heart might have raced at the thought of just me and a girl in her bedroom. But not now.

Mamie took me to the second floor and into the nearest room to the stairs. My eyes could only widen once I laid them upon Mamie’s inner sanctum. Perhaps I expected an impeccably tidy room, or the twist of pink, girly decorations advertising a hidden softness.

It was a bit of both, actually.

Books stood straight on the shelves, and the clothes stacked themselves neatly in a basket. The pink bedsheets were without wrinkles, and the blanket was folded into an almost perfect square. A pair of teddy bears leaned symmetrically against each side of the magenta pillow. But what had stunned me to my core was none of these details. Instead, it was the row of posters stuck to the otherwise impeccable wall, featuring women in bikinis in erotic poses.

I gawked at one of the pictures and then at Mamie and then at the picture again. My mind wasn’t even registering the hotness of the models, too overwhelmed by the reveal. She blushed a little, and her frown deepened. “What? It’s my room.”

“That explains so much…” I muttered. Then I patted her on the shoulder.

She swatted my hand away. “I have no idea what you are thinking about. But I have a feeling that it is wrong.”

“You’re a lesbian.”

“Excuse me?”

I stepped into the room and waved my hands around the walls. The excitement of discovering the truth overshadowed any attraction I had towards those women. This must be the reason she didn’t fall for any of my seductions. “Would a straight woman collect this stuff?”

As easily as I had found respite in this thought, what she said next shattered my newfound enthusiasm. “They are just my role models. Also, bisexual women exist.”

“But…” Blank. I had nothing to defend my version of reality with.

Things got even more bizarre. For some inexplicable reason, she burst out laughing. The second time I had seen this expression on her face. Though my impression of her mainly came from her patronizing scowl, this beaming chortle seemed to suit her more.

She struggled to put words out amidst her heaving. “Yeah, that sounds like what you would say.”

I wondered what look I had to meet her cryptic sentence. Confusion flowed within me, but also a warmth and a feeling that a clog blocking my insides had finally been cleared.

Before I could discern further the state of my inner world, Ishito stretched her head into the door frame. “Mamie-chan, your mother is back with her guest.”