I think, therefore I AM.

Hey, is this funny to you?

Are you playing with me right now?

Why the hell did you even bring me here?

Tsubasa stared at the house they arrived at. He knew it. It was immediately familiar to him.

He nearly felt like vomiting on the spot, but he didn’t.

Yua and her father had already gone in to unpack their things, but he lied and said he wanted to get a drink from the vending machine outside.

The truth is, Tsubasa did not want to step into that house.

The nameplate was not there anymore, but he was sure of one thing.

Tsubasa covered his mouth to stop himself from retching on the spot.

He’s been here before. The memories are not there, but the feelings he has are real.

He does not want to step into that house. His instincts were telling him so.

God has somehow brought him back to his grandmother’s house.

It was simply now a rentable property that people can sleep in or borrow for a few days, but he was absolutely horrified about stepping one foot into that house.

The outside looks cleaner than before, the garden was cut short, and the exterior was slightly renovated to have modern windows. The house looked like every single Japanese traditional house you can find around the city. With its brown slanted roof made for the winter and its smooth white walls, the familiar door in front of him and the attic above beckoned him to come closer. As if the house itself were taunting his very existence, or the lack thereof, that he was alive right at this moment.

It still looked like the same place he dreaded coming back to, every single second of his life.

This was not his home. It never will be, compared to the one he had in Tokyo.

Hey. Why aren’t you answering me?

Tsubasa stares at you.

Is my suffering entertaining to you?

No response as always.

What was I even expecting?

You never answer anyway.

He couldn’t remember all the details. All he could do was cover his mouth as he felt his sanity slipping just from looking at this house. It was as if it were cursed. What exactly was the feeling he had in his heart right now?

Was it guilt? Dread? Or something else?

He wanted to stop thinking at all right this instant.

But thinking was all he could do, for he could not remember anything at all.

It was what made him who he is now.

But even so, Yua was there. Tsubasa had to go back inside.

He opened the door and found the inside to be fully renovated to look like it was built new. The foyer was a little bit bigger than before, and the floor was now made out of tiles instead of wood. He took his shoes off and made his way through the corridor on his left. He could see Yua’s father preparing things in the kitchen.

Yua’s father looked to the left as he spotted Tsubasa. He walked towards him and put a hand on his shoulder again. The way he approached him was much gentler than before. He had a worried look in his eye.

“Are you okay? You look sick.”

Yua peeked from the corner of the wall in concern.

Tsubasa smiles again.

“I’m fine, sir! I am just a bit tired, that’s all.”

Yua’s father didn’t believe him and let out a soft grunt. He let go of his shoulder and walked back to the kitchen to grab something from his bag. Tsubasa wordlessly followed behind him.

“Don’t ever call me ‘sir’ again. It’s Mr. Sheng to you, kid. Not ‘Mr. Suzuki’, but Sheng. Got it?”

He grabbed a bottle from his bag and threw it at Tsubasa from a short distance. He skillfully caught it in his hands.

“Ah! I understand, Mr. Sheng. Thank you for giving me this bottle, but what is this exactly?"

“It’s Gui Zhi Tang. Just drink three capsules with water over there on the table.”

Yua already poured a glass of water for him as he walked towards the dining table. He sat next to her and obediently did as told. Yua only watched him silently in concern. She was texting another long sentence on her phone again.

I didn’t know reapers can get sick, but jokes aside, are you sure you’re okay? You look pale.

“It was kind of cold outside, so it must have been the weather.”

The truth was that Tsubasa did not want to stay in this house any longer. He had no choice but to suck it up. They were leaving tomorrow anyway.

Is that so? Well, you should be glad then!

“Huh? Why?”

Yua smiles and puffs out her chest a little. He has never seen her this happy in a while.

Dad makes the best herbal tea ever when someone is sick! Look at what he’s making right now, and you’ll see.

Tsubasa glanced to his left as he saw the older man dump a bunch of random ingredients into a glass pot that was warming up. A certain herbal aroma was now filling the house. It put him at more ease than before.

“What is he even putting in there? I’ve never seen ingredients like that before.”

Yua’s eyes lit up as she started frantically typing on her phone again.

It’s called eight treasure tea! It’s basically made out of eight ingredients like red dates, wolf berries, ginseng, flowers, and other stuff cuz I forgot what the other ingredients were, but all you have to know is that they’re absolutely delicious! I haven’t drunk one in years!!!

Tsubasa gulped. He now felt his throat getting parched just from her description alone. He really wanted to try it now.

“You know what…that does sound really delicious…”

I know! But you gotta wait for like 15-30 minutes for it to boil! Anyway, we should eat first! Drink later!

Yua started unpacking the food inside a plastic bag. It was three servings of gyudon. Her father finally sat down in the chair, and they ate for a while.

The night of the fourth day had already come as the three of them finished their food. Yua immediately made her way to the glass pot and poured a glass of tea. Tsubasa followed behind Yua and interrupted her before she could pour a glass for him and for her dad. He wanted to do this for her at least.

Tsubasa poured two more glasses and set one in front of her father. He nodded as a thanks as he sat down in his chair again. Yua watched him as he brought the tea to his lips.

The tea was mildly sweet, light, and fragrant, featuring a complex blend of fruity, floral, and earthy notes. It was absolutely delicious.

“Whoa. I’ve never tried any tea like this before…but it’s delicious.”

Do you feel better now?

Tsubasa smiles for real this time.

“I feel a bit better now. Thank you.”

Yua’s father smiles in return to Tsubasa’s appreciation as he sips on his tea.

——

A few hours have passed after dinner. Yua had already gone to sleep upstairs while Tsubasa was sitting downstairs alone on the couch in his school uniform.

This entire house made him nauseous, but what even made him more nauseous was how kind Yua’s father was. He had no idea why her father’s actions were bothering him so much as he scrolled through his phone while reading the texts he had received from the other reapers. He did not hate him; he just found his actions strange for an adult.

He heard footsteps coming down, so Tsubasa put his phone down.

Yua’s father threw something soft at him from the other side of the coffee table.

He really does love throwing things instead of giving them normally huh?

He caught it again. It was a set of pyjamas. It was a little too big for him, but he looked at it back and forth to see what Yua’s father was wearing right now. It was Mr. Sheng’s own set of pyjamas. He was letting him borrow it. If he wore it, they would be matching.

Yua’s father grunted again.

“Wear those. Good night.”

Yua’s father turned around and walked back to the stairs.

Tsubasa stood up and slightly raised his voice.

“I-I don’t get it! Why are you being so nice to Yua and me?!”

The man stopped dead in his tracks.

“What do you mean? I am just doing my duty as a father and as an adult.”

Tsubasa didn’t get it. For some reason, his actions were slowly getting on his nerves. It was not out of anger, but confusion.

“Then why didn’t you do it earlier then?!”

“So, Yua told you everything. I was not aware of it.”

Tsubasa got caught off guard by his response and grabbed him by the collar. Her father did not move an inch. He just made the child continue yelling.

“You had all the time in the world to save her from her mother, yet you did nothing! Why is that?!”

Yua’s father stayed silent.

“You have all this money to go back to Japan, to fully pay for Miss Suzuki’s funeral as well! You definitely have enough resources to pay off her debt, to give Yua a better life, yet you did nothing to support your wife and your daughter?! How could you eve-”

“We divorced. Ichika took custody of Yua. Her big sister was already an adult during that time and came with me because I met someone new. She was a strong, capable woman, unlike Ichika; I even took her last name instead of mine. I could not do anything in that situation. I had to move on and remarried. I came back here for the sole purpose of giving her a better life.”

“There it goes again with you people not taking responsibility huh! That isn’t an excuse for you to leave her with a mother that would abuse her, berate her very existence, and then leave her nearly half dead the time!”

The outside world before them turned into the void yet again. He made sure Yua didn't hear them. Her father did not react at all. He simply looked at the boy in front of him. He was completely aware of what he had done, and that made Tsubasa even more mad.

Maybe this house was making him go mad. He didn’t know.

The boy let go of his collar.

He brought out his scythe as he brought it down on Yua’s father.

He dragged the scythe closer to the old man’s neck. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to cut the skin, unlike how easily he did it with Ayumi’s case.

“You adults always deliver empty promises. You lie all the time. You made her life a living hell!”

Like his mother.

“You can’t even be there for her at all when she needs it the most! You’re selfish! You left her alone and moved to a different country with another woman as well! You’re as responsible as her mother in this situation!”

Like his father.

“You spout things in the current moment like how you want to help her, but you’re already too late!”

Like his grandmother.

“Do you know? One of these days, she might really end up like a monster like you and your wife! What if she ends up killing someone before taking her own life? You’ll be entirely responsible for that!”

Just like himself.

He just remembered now.

He was a monster.

He still is a monster.

He will always be one.

Tsubasa is currently leading Yua down the same path he did. He was already halfway there.

He remembers. Tsubasa is now aware on why he was so put off by this house. It was his grandmother’s house. The very home he despised.

He committed something here that he has already done as a reaper to several sinners.

The man below him was staying awfully quiet. Yua’s father closed his eyes.

“This all feels surreal to me right now, but I see…this must be punishment.”

Tsubasa paused. He did not know how to respond.

“I don’t know why, but ever since I met you, it felt like death surrounded you. You are a child, yet it feels like you are carrying the weight of the world…a child must never have thoughts like this in the first place…”

The boy simply gripped his scythe tighter.

He did not understand what he was trying to say.

“And for that..I truly am sorry. I will accept any kind of punishment that comes my way.”

Tsubasa looked down at the man before him. He slowly let go of his scythe.

It fell to the ground.

“I have done many things in my life that I regret. I am aware that I may be too late, but I want to make up for it now.”

Yua’s father sat up and hugged the child before him.

“We were supposed to protect kids like you, but we have always failed, and I truly… really am…sorry for that…I should have been there for you as well if I knew besides Yua…”

The boy wept as he was held in an adult's arms for the first time.

The father struggled to breathe while embracing the child in front of him. It was as if he were slowly losing consciousness.

The man formerly known as Isamu Suzuki looked down at the ground. A pool of blood was forming below both of them. It was his own blood.

A knife was lodged in his stomach. The boy before him was still in tears as it was lodged inside him.

“I understand you now, Mister Sheng. I can’t fully bring myself to hate or forgive you, but please do not worry because I won’t kill you. I will simply make you forget what happened here.”

Isamu smiled to himself. The taste of iron was filling his mouth. He was now crying simultaneously with the boy before him.

“If this punishment will make up for all the suffering I have put my daughter through…then it was worth it.”

Tsubasa sadly smiles at him. He brought the knife in deeper.

“You may not have been a great husband, but you still have a chance to be a great father. Please, I beg of you, make these next three days the best Yua will ever live. She will die before you.”

“Ahhh…I see now why you were so worked up over my daughter…I really thought you were her secret boyfriend or something...”

The man laughed as he coughed up a bit more blood. There was now a smile of satisfaction on his face, completely contrasting with Tsubasa’s smile in particular.

“Thank you for telling me all of this…I will make it up…for both of you…”

Isamu’s vision turned pitch black.

Tsubasa looks at you again with tears in his eyes.

I don’t know what you are trying to do.

But, please.

Stop this already.

I don’t get what you’re trying to tell me.

Was this also some kind of punishment for me?

The boy let go of the man’s embrace, and his body fell to the ground with a loud thud.

Good night.