Chapter 6: The Village of Idiots

The cute children pull our hands gently, their small fingers gripping with innocent desperation.

"Please come to our village", the little boy says.

I smile evilly, my lips curling into a wicked, triumphant smirk. My long pink hair shines brilliantly in the bright sunlight, framing a mind filled with glorious, villainous ambition. A weak, isolated village full of easily manipulated people is absolutely perfect for my grand design. This is the exact place I need to conquer to establish a permanent foothold in this miserable world. I will make these gullible peasants build a giant, imposing fortress entirely for me.

We walk through the small wooden village gates, stepping into a rustic settlement that defies all logical demographics. The village is completely full of beautiful young ladies, each one carrying woven baskets or tending to daily chores with delicate grace. Completely oblivious to the pleasant scenery, Diana immediately trips over a small, highly visible wooden log resting directly on the dirt path. As she scrambles to recover her balance, a tiny yellow butterfly flutters down from the sky and lands softly on the tip of her nose.

"Ah! A giant monster is attacking my face!" Diana screams.

Driven by pure, irrational terror, she runs around in a fast, chaotic circle until she forcefully hits a solid wooden wall and collapses into a heap.

Seeing an opportunity to show off her supposed superiority, Meiyi steps forward and tries to act like a cool, composed magician.

"Do not fear, flat assassin. I will save you", Meiyi chants.

In her arrogant, highly theatrical stride, she trips over the exact same wooden log that claimed Diana just moments before. Meiyi falls face-first into a massive, foul-smelling pile of dirty hay. Instead of showing an ounce of normal embarrassment, a disturbing thrill washes over her entirely.

"I am covered in filth. Please insult me more", Meiyi blushes heavily.

Ishida ignores them completely. His eyes are practically shaped like giant, beating hearts as he intensely scans the local population.

"Look at all these big oppai ladies", Ishida drools.

Adjusting his ridiculous, tattered coat, he strikes a dramatic pose like a brooding dark hero.

"I am staying here forever", Ishida declares.

Leaving the fools behind to roll in the dirt, the rescued children lead us deeper into the settlement and usher us into a large, dimly lit wooden hut. Inside, we formally meet the Village Elder. The Elder is a frail old man with a very long white beard that nearly sweeps the dusty floorboards beneath his feet.

"Thank you for saving our children", the Elder bows.

He looks incredibly tired and deeply sad, the heavy burdens of constant leadership permanently etched into the deep, sagging wrinkles of his face.

"Our village is always under attack", the Elder cries. "Ugly goblins attack us during the day and night".

Hearing a perfect cue for his delusional, self-serving fantasies, Ishida steps forward heroically, thrusting out his chest with vastly unearned confidence.

"Do not worry, old man", Ishida says proudly.

He points his finger dramatically at the bustling crowd of beautiful ladies visible through the open doorway outside.

"I will protect this village".

He pauses for dramatic effect before delivering his ultimate, shameless condition.

"But in return, I will marry all the women here".

Outside the window, the village women gasp in loud shock. Inside the quiet hut, the Elder simply strokes his long white beard slowly, his tired eyes calculating the bizarre, highly unethical offer.

"That is a very reasonable trade", the Elder nods. "I agree".

"Yay! My ultimate harem is complete!" Ishida cheers happily.

The sheer, overwhelming stupidity of the situation finally breaks my last shred of patience. I sigh very loudly and step forward with pure, murderous intent. Channeling all of my tightly bottled-up rage, I pull back my right fist. Without a single moment of hesitation, I punch Ishida right in the face. Using the fierce momentum from the devastating blow, I spin around gracefully and punch the Elder right in his fragile jaw. Both of them fly completely across the room like discarded ragdolls. They crash loudly into a heavy wooden table, shattering it into jagged splinters upon impact.

"We are here to conquer, not to run a dating simulator", I yell.