doorknockers

Tiki showed up. The door wasn't all the way closed so she didn't knock, she just pushed her way through. I had curled up in the corner to keep my fluids inside me. I’d never evacuate in a corner again.

-What happened? she asked. She sounded really worried.

-It’s okay, I said. I’m not getting the security deposit back anyway. And nobody knocks.

-I knocked, Tiki said defensively. She had a cleaning caddy in her hand. You can’t live like this anymore, she added.

-I want to stay here, I said. Just not right now.

I didn’t want her to see the bleeding but she had put the cleaning caddy down next to the door and was walking up to me.

-What happened? she asked again, even more worried.

I told her about ReadyI’m and Skull but she didn’t believe me.

-It’s not good, she kept saying to herself.

I told her about the call to the police.

-Did you hurt the girl? Tiki asked me.

But that wasn’t why I called them. They said they were looking for me but they hadn’t called me. Nobody’s looking for ReadyI’m or Skull. It’s just me.

I didn’t hurt her. I didn’t even really remember she had been here. It’s always a sausage party.

But I knew who she was talking about.

-No, I told her. I swear. She wasn’t homeless, she was just barefoot. I let her stay here once. She didn’t take anything.

Tiki sighed morosely and gave me a hug.

She was like my sister and I never blamed her for everything. Her husband didn’t like me, he thought we were too close. But we haven’t shared a bed in years.

-Is that what the police want?

-I don’t know.

It didn’t matter. I didn’t have to go.

-Do you have a cigarette?

Skull was at the door.

-Go away, I told him, getting up to my feet and in front of Tiki.

I would never hurt her. I didn’t want any of these people to hurt her. She had had enough violence.

-I live here.

The way he said it I knew it was true. I could hear it in my skull.

-Who are you talking to? Who is that? Tiki asked, but he had gone into the bedroom, I think with someone. I wanted to get under the sheets and hide.

Tiki wasn’t there anymore, just the cleaning caddy. I stopped thinking about the bedroom and looked through what was in the cleaning caddy.

I wasn’t going to get my security deposit back but I could clean anyway. Maybe one of these cleaning supplies could help with the bleeding. Antiseptics. Towels.

I looked to the door. I knew someone else was coming but I didn’t want to be here anymore.

I wanted to stop thinking about the bedroom.

This is wrong.

I called the police again before anyone else could show up.

-I’m ready, I said.

-For what? the dispatcher asked.

-The courtesy ride.

-Where?

-To the police, I said. To you. They were being difficult because I’m difficult too.

-Okay, hang tight. Are you safe?

-Yeah, I said, but I wasn’t sure why they were asking. I didn’t do anything. But don’t send anyone alone. I’m not.

Kairos was at the door. I didn’t know how many people were there or how many were supposed to be.

He wanted me to leave too.

-It’s time to go to the hospital, dude, he said. You’ve done enough.

-I’m exhausted, I admitted to him. It’s hard to hold everything together on my own.

-You’re not, he said.

-Why are you here?

-The hospital, I told you, you have to go.

-Do you have a car?

-I don’t even have a license anymore, he said with a sad laugh. Take an ambulance.

I wouldn’t unless I knew the paramedic was coming. But she never told me her name.

-You have to help me, I finally told him. I didn’t want to think about the bedroom.

-I am, he said. I’m going to call an ambulance.

-No you’re not. It was Skull, returning to the living room roughly.

-What did you to ReadyI’m? I asked him. I didn’t want to ask him anything else.

-What happened to ReadyI’m? Kairos asked. I thought I just saw him.

-He’s dead, I told him.

-Good, Kairos said to me, then turned to Skull. I owe you one.

-Yeah, Skull said to Kairos. Another one.

He ignored me and then he left. I looked around for the knife but I don’t know what happened to it. The other ones were no good.

I wanted to leave. I didn’t want to be there anymore, even more than the normal way I didn’t want to be places.

I didn’t want Kairos to be there.

-Do me a favor, I told him. Go away.

I didn’t expect him to go but he just shrugged and left.

-Don’t die alone, he said.

-Same to you loser, I muttered to myself and went to see Tiki in the bedroom.

I would leave with her. That’s why she came.

-The police are coming, I told her.

-They don’t have to, she said. She was hiding under the comforter like I wanted to be.

-I know you didn’t do anything, she said. You couldn’t.

-They’re still coming, I said.

-Okay, she said as she peaked out from under the comforter. I’ll stay.

I laid down on top of the comforter to wait.

The bleeding had stopped. It may have just been sweat.