The unexamined life is not worth living.

Day four: I want to go to the city.

The sound of an alarm rang loudly in Yua’s ears.

It was so loud that it was nearly deafening.

She found herself behind a railroad crossing.

She looked around her surroundings.

Yua did not know how she had ended up there. The house they were staying in was a few metres behind her. She was still in Hida, but something felt…off.

A train was coming.

A red flicker of light started blinking rapidly under the sign to her left.

That light swayed from left to right.

She was behind the crossing. She was perfectly safe at this distance behind the railing.

A slight chill went up her arm. It was as if she were in danger right now.

Yua was used to passing by this crossing whenever she had to go to the station, yet why was she so on edge?

The ground slightly shook before her.

Her hair was blown by the wind. A train passed by the crossing. She held her breath.

A person appeared from the other side of the crossing.

It was a boy in a black school uniform—one that was completely different from the uniform she would usually see him wearing.

That boy was Tsubasa.

“Yua.”

The girl opened her eyes to see that same young boy looking down at her yet again. He was standing by her head.

“Good morning.”

She was still in the same room as before, except this time she was in Tsubasa’s futon instead. Yua looked to her left to see the same pillow he had used last night beside her.

He had probably slept on the floor, all because of her.

The pillow was scrunched up, clearly showing evidence that he had slept on the floor all night, beside her, no less. Yua grabbed the pillow from the floor and softly smacked the side of Tsubasa’s head while pouting.

She was more or less worried than mad now because of the way he had acted yesterday. Yua could not tell if he was sick or just depressed, but all she knew was that he was not okay. The pillow hit his head several times, but he never moved from his spot.

“Ahh! I get it! I’m sorry for acting weird yesterday! I shouldn’t have said or done any of that to you!” He raised his hands in surrender.

The girl was slightly upset that Tsubasa had rejected her advances last night, even as she had built up the courage to copy what he had done to her before, but she was more worried about the way he had reacted than anything, so she dropped the pillow she was currently holding and put it to the side. She felt like she had done something wrong.

Her current theory was that Tsubasa was the type of person who liked to initiate contact with others but was simply uncomfortable receiving the same treatment. It was an embarrassing oversight on her part since she had been completely rejected, so her handy phone was brought out of the pockets of her pajamas to save the situation as she typed another long paragraph yet again.

No, I should be the one apologizing. I just hugged you for no reason. You looked really uncomfortable after that. I was not considerate of your feelings. I’m very sorry for that.

Yua bowed deeply so that her head nearly touched the floor. Tsubasa panicked.

“You don’t have to do all of that! Please raise your head! Uhh, I understand that you did that in order to comfort me or something, but I really want to apologize to you as well! I’m not used to physical contact… it’s just… it’s fine if I do it, but I can’t stand other people doing it to me… I…”

Tsubasa slowly articulated his words in an apologetic tone. Yua patiently listened as he stammered through them.

“It’s not that I’m saying I have a problem with you or anything. I appreciate what you did, I really do… you were just trying to comfort me the same way I did back then, right?”

Yua nodded.

That gesture was a lie. She had actually thought he was trying to make a move on her. In her head, that was not fully meant to be a gesture of comfort at all. She actually did hug him last night for a completely different reason, which made her feel even more ashamed now. If Tsubasa were not in the room, then she would curl into a ball and wither away, but now was not the time for that.

Her fingers were typing another paragraph until she shook her head and deleted it. Tsubasa tilted his head in confusion. She typed a new one instead.

Are you okay? Is there something that you want to tell me?

Tsubasa slightly gripped the side of his arm and smiled.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just kind of out of it yesterday because I was sick. I’m sorry if I said something too harsh.”

Yua shook her head. She knew he was lying, but she did not know if she could pry any further.

You don’t have to apologize at all. It’s my bad. I’m sorry if this sounds too personal (you don’t have to answer this if you’re uncomfortable), but…may I ask why you dislike physical contact with other people?

“I…I’m sorry, but I can’t…I don't really like talking about why I became this way to other people…I know it sounds ridiculous, but seriously, I really am fine…”

Tsubasa sat down beside her on top of the pillow she dropped earlier. Yua looked down at the futon. She was upset that he was not able to give her context for anything at all, which made him worried about her as well.

“But I can say one…no, two things…”

She looked up at him. She was not expecting an answer at all.

“This was my grandmother’s house…and this exact room…was where I used to live.”

——

Yua could not focus on eating breakfast for the day.

Firstly, her dad was now acting completely differently. He now had a huge burst of energy. Secondly, her dad was cozying up to Tsubasa more than before, and lastly, he cooked her breakfast for the first time in his life. She did not even know that her dad knew how to cook until now.

She poked the pancake on the plate. Tsubasa and her dad have already finished eating. They were watching TV as they chatted amongst themselves on the couch.

But the biggest question of them all was the mystery surrounding Tsubasa, his grandma, this house, and his past. She was determined to help him search for answers regarding his past, but it seems that it was just outright given to her. Now all she has to do is solve it, even if he won’t tell her all the details.

Yua deeply cares for Tsubasa. The girl wanted to know more about him before she died, after all.

She cut the pancake into several pieces, mapping out her thoughts.

Ever since he stepped into this house, he immediately looked uncomfortable, like he was sick. He had symptoms of sweating, nausea, and retching. She would assume that he had diarrhea or the flu, but it did not line up with those signs. She concluded that, judging from his reactions throughout the day, he was on edge, like he was scared of something.

It may be close to the feeling she had during her dream.

In the corner of her eye, Yua snuck a glance at Tsubasa. He was smiling while talking to her dad, but he still looked like he was uncomfortable. His hand was gripping the couch. She would assume that he was utterly scared of staying in this house any longer.

The mention of the place being his grandmother’s house intrigued her as well. She was not sure of what his relationship with his grandmother was, but Yua believed that he did not have a great relationship with his grandmother.

There was only one bedroom in this house, which was a western-style bedroom that she was supposed to sleep in with a balcony connected to it. The rest of the rooms on the first and second floor strictly had only tatami floors.

Tsubasa’s “room” did not feel like it was meant to be a bedroom at all. It felt more like an office that was directly connected to another empty tatami room. It felt more like a space for guests to use.

The reaction he had once he was in that room felt palpable. He was not just uncomfortable. It felt more akin to what would happen to a person if they were having a panic attack.

She did not know that he disliked physical contact if it came from someone other than himself. Yua assumed that he was the type of person who actually liked it because he was really touchy with her for the past few days, but it seems like it was incorrect for her to think so.

What happened in his past to make him this scared or disgusted by physical contact?

The worst-case scenario would be-

Yua shook her head. She should ask him directly instead of making theories up in her head.

Yua may be quiet, but that does not mean she cannot read the room or is unaware of her surroundings. She has an eye for things that most people easily miss because she likes observing people from the sidelines. Tsubasa was one of such cases.

Yua had more questions than answers at the moment. All she could do was speculate what kind of unexamined life he had after all.

Was his life worth living?

What are the specifications that make a human end up becoming a harbinger of death?

“Yua?”

The girl dropped her fork with a small yelp. Tsubasa was now magically in front of her.

She was so out of it that she did not even realize that he was now sitting in front of her, nor that he had changed into a new set of clothes. He was wearing a dark blue buttoned-up shirt and pants paired with the brown inner jacket that he would always wear to school.

“Ah, I’m sorry if I scared you. Are you going to finish your food?”

The pancakes were sitting on her plate for a while, so they were cold now. She scarfed them up while nodding.

“Anyway, your father told me to remind you that we are going to leave soon. You should pack up your stuff. If you need any help, just ask.”

Yua shook her head again. She was grateful for everything that he had done for her so far, but she could do all of that herself.

The rest of the pancakes were finished in a few minutes. She made her way to the sink and ran back upstairs to grab her school bag. Tsubasa and her dad could be seen from the balcony window. They already had a few suitcases in hand. She was relieved that all of her clothes were already packed by the people her dad hired, even though she never really had that many clothes in the first place.

A new set of clothes was on top of the bed. She could only guess that her dad went to the store early in the morning and bought new clothes for her and Tsubasa. She smiled. The girl changed into her new set of clothes and neatly folded her pajamas. She stuffed the rest of her things into a separate bag and grabbed it from the ground.

She made her way to the door but stopped to admire her new set of clothes in the mirror.

Her new outfit consisted of an inner white long-sleeved blouse and a long navy blue dress. It was layered to fit her perfectly. It seems like her dad had a sense of fashion to pick some pretty nice clothes for her and Tsubasa.

She carried her things down the stairs and met Tsubasa at the entrance. He carried her bag for her while her dad was waiting at the trunk of the car with the taxi driver beside him.

Tsubasa put her bag in the car, and they all sat in their respective seats as last time.

The ride to the station felt more lively than the last time they were in the car. Tsubasa was calmer now that they had left the house. He was even chatting up a storm with her dad, unlike before. They seem to have gotten really close overnight. She could only guess that they probably talked for a long time last night, and that her dad even fell asleep.

“So what exactly is our itinerary for Tokyo, Mister Sheng?”

“We are going to use the JR Hida line to Toyama, and then we are switching to the Shinkansen for Tokyo.”

“I see! So we gotta buy food beforehand…”

“Yeah, it’s going to take four hours to reach Tokyo. You kids need to stock up a little bit on food. I’ll leave it to you guys while I buy the tickets.”

Her father handed them a 5,000-yen bill from the passenger seat.

“Feel free to use this.”

“Eh?! Are you sure? This is too much just to buy lunch!”

“Feel free to splurge on good food if you want. Make sure to buy some food for me too. I want to try one of those reheatable bento again. Don’t worry about the price, really. I prepared for this.”

As the two were busy talking back and forth, all Yua could do was stay silent and stare at the window.

They stopped in front of a railroad crossing. It was the exact railroad crossing in her dream.

On the sidepost of the crossing lay several bouquets and a few drinks.

There was a newspaper article that was stuck to the crossing’s pole.

It looks like someone died here.

Yua looked to her right. Tsubasa eventually fell silent as the sound of the alarm rang in her ears yet again. He noticed her staring at the paper outside.

He smiled.

“It seems like you’ve noticed. You really have a good eye for things as always, Yua.”

He leaned in towards her ear to whisper something.

“Then, I’ll let you in on a secret. It’s a reward for being so observant.”

The sound of the train passing by almost muffled his words.

“This is where I died.”