Human Evolution

The teapot whistled.

Yuki stood on a chair to turn off the stove. Since Asami took so long to decide on an outfit, Yuki decided that tea would be her responsibility. She climbed onto the counter and opened the cupboard. Four ceramic cups stacked haphazardly by her clawed feet. They clattered when she jumped back on the chair.

Tea bubbled in the decorative ceramic printed with Sakura blooms. It swished about along with the remnants of matcha leaves. The three-foot-tall girl jumped to floor and reached for the tray. She leaned her head back so horns wouldn’t disturb.

Zarp and Zaap sat calmy on bean bags with their legs folded.

Tea cups jostled as she set the tray on an unplugged kotatsu table.

“We thank you for the refreshing liquid, future queen,” Zarp said.

“You’re welcome. Now what were you looking for on Asami’s ceiling? Is there something dangerous in our dorms?”

Tea slurped between Zarp’s lips, “This water is mineral deficient. It needs more dissolved solids that aren’t plant based. This is not to say we are incapable of processing carbon. However; the flavor is putrid. Should we tell her about the agency?”

“We believe we already have.”

“You haven’t told us about anything,” Yuki flopped on wooden chair.

“Ahem,” Zarp took a deep breath, “The agency is your terrestrial defense against aliens. Every intelligent sapient race develops a version eventually.”

Asami came out of her bedroom. She chose a loose pleated skirt that barely reached her knees and long-sleeved pink shirt printed with flowers and an English banner that read: Be the thought you most desire.

“Doesn’t it have a name? Sounds more like an American thing to be exact though. Can you tell us more?”

Zaap increased his stature in an upright posture to sip tea like a proper gentleman, “Your agency? We honestly don’t have much to tell you about it, because if we knew half of what we required, it wouldn’t be such a threat.”

Zarp finished his tea quickly while folding his legs atop the bean bag, “Every planet with intelligent life forms has an agency at some point in their history. It’s a matter of protecting the species from outside threats. Your agency is a nefarious organically disposed through the highest levels of your internalized gubernatorial.”

A computer desk chair rolled across the wood grain floor, Asami sat with a little bounce with maintained composure, “What?”

“It’s as we said, please listen carefully.”

Asami raised an eyebrow “Nefarious organically disposed through the highest levels of your internalized gubernatorial? That doesn’t make sense!”

Zaap summoned the mackerel with the screen protruding from its gut, the same one flung into the sun earlier. It looked degraded, slightly off, “Language collaboration mode. Please update the data set as well.” a few quiet moments of scrolling later, he smiled at Asami, “It’s a nebulous organization dispersed through the highest levels of your international government,” He laid the fish on the floor next him. It smelt like the ocean, low tide, especially indoors.

“That fish thing smells! Can you put it away?” Asami asked.

Zaap picked the fish up by the tail fin and tossed it out of the room. It phased through the ceiling like clipping through reality.

“And what about Yuki? With all your technology and brains, you can’t reverse what you’ve done to her? It’s not fair that she has to give up a perfectly good life here on Earth because you decided she should be your queen.”

A chuckle from Zarp halted the room, “For one, she ate our Gribbeck stone. For two, she’ll have a perfectly fine life on Valerexixia. She’ll be loved, respected, and have a high degree of authority as our queen mother. For three, don’t make us pull out the archive of earthlings decrying how miserable earth existence is. It’s a vast, almost endless, selection of comedy. We have to worry about your Earth misery porn becoming an addiction among our species.”

Yuki stood up on her chair, all one meter of her, she was only wearing her school shirt, which hung like a robe. She put her hands on her hips, “If humans are so bad, why would you ever accept one as your queen?”

“It’s not as if we have a choice. Besides, humans are dysfunctional as a species overall. Certain select individuals, such as yourself and your friend, are fine. Unfortunately, your civilization and intellect levels are devolving overall. We do not predict your race will survive this mini-filter, and the remnants will evolve back into animals incapable of planetary civilization.”

Zaap and Zarp laughed together, which made Asami bristle, “If humans are so dumb, why are you afraid of the agency?”

“My good human, Asami, correct?” Zarp waited for Asami to nod, “We have assessed that humans are currently at their peak and failed the current filter at a ninety-nine percent probability. Our current analysis indicates that the Flarions, our mortal enemies, have succeeded in convincing the most capable of your species to participate into their breeding prevention programs. In short, your best and brightest of all human variants are dying off. Withering on the vine, as you like to say. Once the prime of your species is no longer capable of genetic diversity, it will be cut down and consumed by others of its own kind. The remainder of your species will be devolved back into your semi-sapient animal kingdom for easier management.”

“As your future queen, I demand that you do something about this!” Yuki pointed at the elder alien.

Zarp pursed his lips, “There’s nothing that can be done. This is a filter that nearly every advanced species faces. Raising young is a burden on all adult species, even our own. There is no perfect solution. Luckily for our species, as a hive-mind of sorts, we feel a keen intellectual sense of the need to renew ourselves that individualistic species don’t.”

“So, you’re saying individualistic species don’t survive, they don’t evolve past a certain point?”

“Some do; many do not. Yours will not with a high degree of certainty. Humans have eviscerated their young and will continue to accelerate the practice. The only outcome is genetic bottleneck, extreme capacity reduction, and eventually extinction. But do not worry, this outcome is a five-thousand-year forecast. You’ll muddle along as a relatively advanced planetary civilization for the next thousand or so years and then as a basic medieval civilization once your carbon-based energy liquid runs out. At that point, your species evolution will gently take you back to the swine you evolved from.”

Yuki shook her head, balled her fists under her chin, “No! No! No! I don’t accept that. That’s terrible. You’re making fun of my species. Stop it!”

“We didn’t evolve from pigs!” Asami yelled.

Zaap rolled his eyes, “We forgot human sensitivities over the topic of evolution. As queen of the Valerexixia, you’ll have a life span of ten thousand years. Given your human origin however, you’ll be lucky to live for eight thousand. You can take measures to attempt saving the humans from their fate, but we doubt they’ll bear fruit. The ultimate fate of the Earthlings is in their own hands as a collective. If they decide not to produce offspring, that is their decision, not ours to interfere with. You’ll also be opposed by the Flarions, who have the greater interests on this planet.”

Zarp nodded, “To put it frankly, your offspring production mechanism is suited for animals that that obey their biological imperative. Once your specie’s wide intellect finds a way to subvert its biological imperative, it may do so until it no longer has the intellect or technology to prevent returning to its biological imperative. Or…”

“Or what?” Asami asked.

“Or until it goes extinct outright.”