The Woman Who Deflowered My Soul

The aftermath of my declaration was less dramatic than I would have ever expected. I had to pick up all the pieces of paper that I dropped from the bold gesture, but at least a few students helped me. Maybe they took pity, but I didn’t care as long as I had to do less work cleaning up.

The Q-and-A session carried on after the slight disturbance I had caused, as if nothing had happened. Today’s events would still no doubt change the students’ perception of me. Maybe some of them would laugh at how I destroyed a book with wet eyes, akin to someone who had to euthanize their dog. But that would be fine. I had a taste of popularity in high school already. Even if I ended up a laughingstock, as long as it removed some of the negative views of me and raised the chances for Mamie to win the election, I would be happy with it.

After dumping the book carcass into a bin near the entrance, I snuck through the main doors, not wanting to overstay my welcome. Also, just perhaps, the public embarrassment was a little too much for me to handle. I wasn’t a masochist, to the best of my knowledge.

On my trip back to the dorm, only one important dilemma permeated my thoughts. As I dropped onto my bed in a clumsy sprawl, the problem remained unresolved. I spent the next however many minutes staring at the pile of objects in question, organizing the arguments in my mind, until a knock on the door yanked me back to reality.

The peephole showed Mamie standing with her arms crossed, so with the heavy expectation of getting yelled at, I let her in. “What were you thinking?” Her tone felt softer than usual, and her eyes were downcast, taking a few seconds to look directly at my face.

“I didn’t want you to lose because of me.”

“Is humiliating yourself in public the only way?”

“I also need someone to hold me accountable. I need to cut Professor Silva out of my life.” I shuffled backward, blocking her from something I didn’t want her to see.

“You sounded as if you were talking about an ex. And what is that pile of books you are hiding from me?”

Oh no. She has already noticed. I was hoping to distract her with a sentimental declaration, but maybe I shouldn’t have reminded her about Professor Silva. I glanced at the pile behind me. The stack that contained the complete collection of Professor Silva’s work, two copies each, except for The Lonely Path to the Sigma Male, which was tragically sacrificed in my public stunt.

“Nothing. Just… self-help books. It’s important to help yourself, right?” I almost stuttered. Close call. My voice should be neutral enough that she wouldn’t realize how much I wanted to switch the topic, and in my heart, I sang the praises of the Expressive Arts lectures that I had braved through.

“Are all of them written by this Professor Silva Inc.?”

I made a show of turning around and picking up one of the books, titled Secret of the Sigma, which sounded like a fantasy novel. “Oh? I have never noticed. Are they all written by the same person? Interesting… I picked the books up at random from the bookstore.” Lies slid from my lips as if from an assembly line, and I flipped through the pages to pretend that I had never read the book before.

“You do know that the author’s name is written on the cover, right?”

“Right. Right.” I closed the book with a thud louder than I had expected.

“And there are two copies of the same book here… You said you picked it up at random?”

“Hahaha. Isn’t it crazy that this happened, all randomly?”

My quick thinking appeared to be as effective as a child trying to dodge responsibility with forced logic, as Mamie’s jade eyes narrowed. “Then, since you declared in public to cut yourself off from sigma male ideas, we should throw these books away.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Let’s not jump to conclusions. Maybe the books will be useful later.”

“State one way they could be useful.”

“Um… as a pillow?”

With an elegant twirl, Mamie slipped around me and reached the books. “Let’s burn them.”

I frantically held onto her shoulders and gently guided her away from my hoard of treasures. “It’s bad for the environment, and fire is dangerous.”

“Then let’s go back to throwing them away. For good measure, we should shred the pages first.” She nudged my arms away.

“You’re treating the books like they were demonic tomes.”

“Not far from that, to be honest.”

“How about we donate-”

“Nope. Who would want this junk?”

Hundreds of thousands of people, give or take. Judging from Professor Silva’s Sinstagram followers count, but I could just see her having a clever comeback to that. Maybe we could compromise, giving up the books while I could read his advice online. In these desperate times, I might even resort to doing something that had left me shuddering just thinking about it: pirating his books.

While my sinful thoughts were tumbling, I locked gaze with Mamie longer than what the Professor would approve of. Breaking the standstill, I relented with a sigh. “You win. Let’s throw them away.”

The two of us worked together in sync to transport the books to the garbage room, and by in sync, I meant that I was reciting to her the advantages of reading Professor Silva’s arguments the whole trip, like a death row prisoner pleading for his life. After one last “Noooo…” that dragged on a bit too much, I watched the bag of hardcover wisdom scattered into the giant bin. Even as the pungent odor of rotting trash threatened to suffocate me, I remained frozen.

Mamie’s words broke my stare. The comfortable weight of her hand landed on my shoulder. “Thank you. For stepping up for me and staying. Because of you, I’m starting to get ahead of Hanawa-san.”

“My pleasure,” I said, while feeling no pleasure at all.

“There is still one more big event to go before the election, but…” her eyes skimmed through the large bins and dingy white walls. “Maybe this isn’t the best place to talk about it.”

“Give me one more moment.” I sniffled. Wait, did I sniffle? Regardless, I bowed to the dumpster where the sacred texts were resting in peace. Mamie scrunched her face as if she was seconds away from needing the toilet. I couldn’t tell if she was holding herself back from laughing or frowning.

But we should go back to my room soon, just in case Mamie actually needed to relieve herself. After a breath to calm myself, I huffed. “Let’s go.”

On our way back, Mamie told me about the annual Dating Show Competition. The rules were simple: twenty girls would compete for a man’s affection. What sounded like any other dating show actually featured a complicating twist. The participants were given a profile of the man of the hour and some time to prepare the setting and strategy for the date.

There wouldn’t be anything genuine there. Only a fantasy.

“And you will be one of the participants?” I asked as I closed the door to my room.

“Yeah, with Hanawa-san and also a third-year. Our college always sends out three students.”

The image of a girl who talked too much emerged in my head. “Ayu-senpai?”

“Nope. Usually, the representative would do it, but Ayu-senpai is exempted because she is a lesbian.”

“Huh?”

“What do you mean, ‘huh?’ You didn’t have any problems labeling me as one before.”

“But wouldn’t a lesbian escort receive far fewer customers than a bisexual or straight escort?”

“It just shows how amazing her entrance exam scores were and how well she performed during the interview, but I wonder how long this leniency can last for her. The industry isn’t as kind as the college, after all.”

My mind was too distracted to think about her words carefully. Did I unconsciously sense that Ayu-senpai was a lesbian? Like some sort of gay… radar… hmm… Anyway, this must explain why I didn’t bother flirting with her. But, an annoying voice at the back of my head spoke up, what about Uwabe-san? Simple. She could be a lesbian too. Or maybe I was too preoccupied with figuring out whether she was a mere hallucination or a serial killer.

The more thoughts I put into this, the more I realized the logic didn’t hold up, collapsing like a Jenga tower. My gaze funneled towards the girl before me, while she was still ranting about something I couldn’t pay attention to. Her delicate hands gestured wildly to support her point. Her jade eyes gleamed with passion. As she spoke, her lips fluttered in a way that mesmerized me like the swaying of sakura trees under the kiss of spring. There was no other place I’d rather be.

Perhaps, she had stealthily become the only girl I felt at home with. A pleasant swirl of energy in my chest confirmed it. If the Ace Maiden was the woman who deflowered my body, then Mamie would be the woman who deflowered my soul.

“Oh, right. There’s one more important thing.” Her pivot caught me off guard, causing me to flinch slightly.

“What is it?”

“Remember to unfollow the sigma male influencers too. Your classmates would deem you a liar otherwise.”

I screamed like one of those weird bird species.