A Place Long Gone

As I approached my apartment from the train station, the heavens opened up and it started to rain. Damn, the forecast hadn’t said anything about rain, certainly not this early into the night! I didn’t even bring my umbrella with me to work. With each raindrop that thudded against me, I felt overwhelmed - couldn’t the universe have chosen to give me a break after the day that I have had!

Approaching the entrance to my apartment and taking my key out; I attempted to push open the front door and only then realized something was off. The hand that was holding out my apartment keys was trembling. My body was starting to digest what had happened during the day and I could feel my eyes starting to swell. I rushed inside and closed the door quickly behind me. I slipped my low heels off and fell straight onto my bed. The moment my body touched the sheets, the dam of emotions broke, and I felt my eyes begin to run like waterfalls yet again.

There was nothing I could do to stop the flood of emotions hitting me. But I didn’t want them to stop. I needed to get this out of my system to feel better. After everything that had happened today, all I wanted to do was cry.

After what seemed like an eternity, my eyes began to dry from endless crying and had nothing more to give. I sat up on the bed and tried to process everything and all the events that had led up to today. However, nothing came to mind. My mind was totally blank, and I couldn't think of anything. It was at this moment my stomach decided to grumble in protest. I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast before I got called into that meeting and I needed to eat something.

Rummaging around my fridge I found some leftover curry and rice I had been saving from a few nights before. I took a quick sniff of the contents to check it was fine before stirring it and putting it in the microwave. 90 seconds should be enough, I guess.

While the microwave buzzed in the background, I pulled out my plate and cutlery. Turning around from the table to check the timer, I stepped on the wet jacket I had been wearing. It was then I realised I was still dressed in my damp work clothes. Checking the time counting down on the microwave, I went to get changed into something comfortable before coming back to the kitchen area and throwing my wet clothes in the washing machine on the way.

The microwave chime rang, and I could smell the delicious curry from the other room. I quickly served and took the dish back to my bedroom. I sat on the ground next to the small dining table and switched on the TV. I ate the dish without saying a word or taking my eyes off the screen. In this instant, I just want to be transported to another world and forget about everything that has happened today. I could barely even taste the curry or get a full grasp of my surroundings. My mind was so laser focused on what happened today it had dulled all of my other senses.

Suddenly, a ring at my door broke me out of my trance like state. Who could be at my door at this time of night? I went to open the door and as soon as the door was half opened, I became engulfed by a pair of arms. Quickly wrapping themselves around me it definitely took me by surprise. I was nearly knocked off my feet as Yuri fell through the door.

“Kayo oh Kayo I was so worried for you!”

Yuri started to say as she was sobbing into my T shirt as she firmly grasped me in the middle of her big bear hug.

“I heard what happened as soon as you walked out the building and I was horrified. I know you haven’t done anything wrong, and I immediately ran out of the office to try to catch up with you, but you were long gone by the time I exited the office! I had to wait until after work to see you! They gave me a briefing since I’m your friend that I wasn’t to talk to you, but I had to make sure you were ok! Please tell me everything that is going on!”

I couldn’t believe this girl - even after she was told she couldn’t come talk to me, she still came to check up on me! She really is a true friend. Before I knew it, we were both crying, standing just inside the wide-open door. Thunder raging in the background now as a storm had now descended on Tokyo.

“Hey, why don’t we get you dry first then we can sit down. Are you sure this is okay? You could lose your job if they know you spoke with me!”

“You are one of my best friends. Of course, I needed to check up on you.”

“I can’t believe you risked your job to come see me! I’m so touched!”

Grabbing a towel off the rack next to me, I passed it on to her as she exited the hug to grab the towel to dry her hair. We finally meet eye-to-eye as I gesture her inside towards the small table on the floor in the bedroom. I switched the TV off as we both took a seat.

I begin to recall the events of the day, trying hard not to let the tears start falling again. I went over the events of the meeting and Yuri sat there listening intently until I finished the story.

“That’s totally unfair Kayo! They can’t be serious, can they?”

“I’m afraid they are Yuri. There is nothing that I can do about it all. I mean, I don’t even know what they are accusing me of stealing. I don’t think I could be capable of stealing anything. What would I even have to gain?”

“You’re the sweetest and kindest person I know. You would never do anything to hurt someone else. All you do is put 100% effort in with the company and this is how they treat you… It is really despicable.”

“I know, I’ve considered moving on to something new but I could never follow through with getting another job. I’m just not strong enough myself to enact change. Not only that, but I also feel like my family would never talk to me again!”

As I finished, Yuri passed me a beer from her bag which I cracked open and took a sip from as I finished the sentence.

“Oh, are you talking about the aquarium oceanography job? You showed me that job posting last week. I had no idea you had a passion for the ocean?”

As the words came out of her mouth I started to choke on the beer and my eyes widened. I coughed excessively as I tried to catch my breath.

“Wait wait wait, you know about the job posting Yuri? When did I discuss this with you?”

I started to reclaim my previous composure. I’ve never shared my love for the ocean with anyone since university. I’ve always kept to myself whenever I do research as I don’t want anyone to know about my little secret.

“Last week when we went drinking after you finished the last part of the presentation, we went out drinking to celebrate. After dinner, I told you to slow down on the drinks, you really are a lightweight. We got to the final bar, and you kept talking about your dream of working in the ocean. You went on to say that you have been researching for years about moving into your dream field of work but could never have the guts to quit. You made a pretty embarrassing scene when you started tearing up at the bar. After I calmed you down you showed me a job posting for a role down at Oceanworld in Kamogawa. I said you should apply for the role since you seemed so dedicated to it. Why not give it a shot you know? You were hesitant but decided to not go through with it. Did something else happen?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. One of the curses of alcohol, it’s basically a truth serum for me. There is an old saying that says there is truth in wine after all. I can’t believe I went and told her not only my deepest secret, but I did so in a public area! I feel so embarrassed right now.

“I can’t believe I told you all that Yuri. You didn’t say anything to me the next day either?”

“Well since you hadn’t told me in all the years, we’ve known each other I kind of thought that it wasn’t something you wanted to tell anyone. So, I decided to say nothing. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.”

No, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything, it's just… ever since high school I’ve longed to be near the ocean again. I’ve almost forgotten what the ocean feels like now. Even though it’s just a train ride away it’s never felt further for me. It is almost like I am feeling nostalgic for my past”

“I promise I won’t tell a soul. Your secret is safe with me.”

Yuri gestures that she’s zipping her lips sealed. She truly is a great friend to me.

“So, why do you bring it up, Kayo? Did you go and apply for it? Although I can’t blame you if you didn’t. You seemed very disheartened when you mentioned actually applying for the role.”

I put my beer down on the table and tried to look at her but looked away quickly.

“The thing is, that night I somehow emailed and applied for the job and yesterday I got a reply.”

“What did the reply say? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m fine with either but know I’m here for you no matter what.”

Now what can I say to that. I must tell her now.

“Actually, I got offered the interview. Seems in my drunken state I managed to land the role.”

Without warning, Yuri leapt from behind the table onto me and pushed me back against the bed, enveloping me in another bear hug.

“That’s so amazing Kayo! Congratulations! I can’t believe you actually went through with applying! You are taking steps to become your own person! I’m so proud of you! So what are you going to do now?”

I sat there looking dazed at her, our faces so close still wrapped in our hug.

“When I received the email, I was ecstatic and over the moon. I couldn’t believe that I got the role. I had spent so many years agonising over whether I should apply or not, but I stopped every time because I was afraid to fail. I was afraid to fail at the one thing that gave me some joy outside of work. After spending the night still feeling euphoric with the good news; I had resigned myself to knowing that I wouldn’t be able to accept the role. I had planned to send the reply this afternoon after work but after everything that’s happened today, I almost want to take the interview and see how it goes.”

Yuri immediately released me from the hug and went back to the other side of the table and took a sip of beer. She paused before replying to me.

“I can’t believe you’ve grown so much without me knowing. If it were me, I would never be able to take the offer no matter what was happening. You’re different from me. You have the opportunity to take something you’ve wanted your whole life and go and actually do it! A part of me doesn’t want you to go but that is such a selfish thought. As a friend I only want happiness for you. Right now, is a perfect time to go. You have to be away from the company for a few weeks anyway while they process everything. This really is the perfect opportunity for you to go try something you have always wanted to! Getting out to the countryside and giving it a go might be exactly what you need.”

Tears started to form in her eyes, and this time, I moved to give her a hug. I could see that she has genuine care for me.

“Just remember one thing for me, don’t forget about me if this is what you want to do.”

As I embraced her, she let out a wave of tears into my shirt again. Maybe I should have kept my raincoat on?

“Of course, I won’t forget you. I’ll do everything I can to make sure we can see each other as much as possible.”

We stayed in this position for a while as the night went on. Not much more was discussed and eventually Yuri had to head home before work in the morning. Putting her shoes on at the front door she turned to face me.

“I’ll see you again soon! I’ll keep you updated on anything I hear at work. You can count on me to be your inside woman. I’ll see if I can come visit you in the meantime. Are you sure your grandparents will be ok with you coming down and staying?”

“I’ll make sure to contact them tomorrow before heading to the station. They’ve wanted me to visit them for a long time anyway, but I’ve never found the time. I think they will be so excited to see me again.”

“I’ll make sure to check up on your apartment while you are away. I guess this is goodbye for now then. I’ll see you soon! Safe travels. Keep your head held high and know that you can do this! Go crush that interview!”

With that, Yuri turned and headed out the door. I don’t think she wanted me to see her cry anymore on my behalf but at this moment, just like I did when I received the email, all I could feel was a sense of anticipation at what is to come!

“Hey grandma, how are you doing? I know this is sudden, but I’ve just been given these 2 weeks off and I want to come down and stay for a little while? Are you sure that’s ok? Will Grandpa understand? Excellent! I’m going to catch the train this afternoon. Yes, I’ll be careful with this crazy weather, I’m not a kid anymore. No need to worry! I’ll text grandpa once I know the time I’m arriving at the station. Alright I’ll see you soon!

I hung up the phone and my heart skipped a beat. This is really happening! I can’t believe it! I think this is the first time in a long time I’ve been this nervous about something!

I checked the time; it was just past eight thirty A.M. I couldn’t sleep at all last night. I was too excited about the day to come. I tried falling asleep but by two in the morning I had given up all hope of falling asleep. I guess I can catch up on a little sleep on the train ride down to Kamogawa. I took out the largest suitcase I had in my closet and began looking around for the things I’ll need on my trip. I started to pack all the essentials from clothes to swimwear. Summer has just begun so there might be a chance I can go for a swim or two. As I was going through my clothes rack, I came across my old diving wetsuit. I had completely forgotten I still had this.

A couple minutes later and it still fits perfectly. It would have to be almost six years since I last wore this and it still fits perfectly. Good thing I have been hitting the gym recently! I decided to pack it just in case I needed it.

Around four in the morning I was all packed and ready to go, yet the storm outside was still raging on. Taking a glance at the weather forecast showed that the rain wasn’t going to ease up at all in Tokyo for the rest of the day. In that case, I also readied an umbrella at the front door to take with me.

At six A.M I was doing some final research on Oceanworld and printing out all the documents I needed for the interview. I replied to the email last night after Yuri left so hopefully Doctor Kokomi will see the email when she arrives at work today. I made sure to have the interview email printed out and ready to go. Things were moving so quickly I could hardly believe this was really happening.

Looking back at my apartment for the last time, I check the trains are running on time before heading outside and locking up the apartment. I made sure to give Yuri the spare key so that she could check on the place while I’m gone. I’ll only be gone for two weeks, right? There should be nothing to worry about, right? I placed my trash in the designated area as I left the building with my roller suitcase. As soon as I stepped outside the building the rain started pelting my umbrella and my suitcase started to collect water.

I quickly make my way towards the station. Hearing the sounds of the rain thud against the umbrella is rather soothing. Normally I’m in a rush to get to the station to get to work on time but right now I am only trying to escape the rain. Even so, it’s a lot more peaceful than it normally is on my way to work.

Standing on the platform heading to Tokyo station I receive a reply from Doctor Kokomi.

To Kayo,

Thank you so much for accepting. Myself and my team are looking forward to meeting you in person tomorrow. Please come by in the morning and we will get started.

Doctor Kokomi Mizushima

That’s quite strange? She didn’t mention anything about the interview at all. Oh well she must be in a hurry this morning. Receiving this email has made me even more excited to meet her in person. I wonder what kind of person she’s like. I guess I am about to find out!

“I’m going on a journey. This time, I am going on a journey. I’m getting on the train that goes the opposite way than I normally do, so that I can see things I’ve haven’t seen in such a long time… I’m scared; it’s true… I want to call it off… It might all turn out to be pointless… But if I don’t go… I think I will harbour more regrets than if I do end up going and that scares me even more.

Changing trains in the maze that is Tokyo station did take more time than expected but after much exploring and a few questions asked; I made it to the right platform. I boarded the final train to my destination and found my seat.

As the landscapes change from the concrete jungle that is the towering skyscrapers of Tokyo, to small residential buildings, to then full grassland I become even more excited! This is truly happening. I feel like I am going back home to where I really belong. I hope that this journey is all it has lived up to be after all these years. I spent the whole trip never taking my eyes off the scenery. Looking at all the fields of rice brings back many happy childhood memories. It’s refreshing being back in nature. As we passed through a stop called Ichinomiya, I finally feasted my eyes upon the ocean once again. The majestic, beautiful thing that I have been longing for for many years. A vast picture of endless blue stretching for as far as the eye could see. Seeing it again in person is so much better than I anticipated. No matter how good a photographer I found online, the photos of the ocean never did it true justice. This is just stunning!

The rest of the trip went smoothly. We made a short, unexpected stop at a small beach town named Onjuku for a driver swap. This made us a little behind but being stationary made me realise that the weather had cleared, and sunshine was starting to peek through the clouds. I was finally seeing nature again basking in the natural golden glow and all I could do was marvel at how beautiful it was.

After another hour the train pulled into Kamogawa station. I offloaded my bags from the train and headed to the exit area. I didn’t have to look far to see my grandparents. I dropped my bags and ran over to them like I had done as a kid.

This was a moment that I had been looking forward to for so long!