A Day of Misaligned Faiths

Thoughts raced through my mind at speeds I thought impossible- how did this happen? I realised that the first thing I needed to do was to find out how exactly I managed to apply for this role with absolutely no recollection of it. Surely, I would have remembered such a momentous occasion of applying for my dream job!

My hands trembled with excitement, I reached out for my bottle of water and attempted to calm myself with a long drink of my cold water. I now looked back at my screen and scrolled down to my outbound email folder and sure enough, there I found the email directed to the doctor at the Kamogawa aquarium.

Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I began to read the email, only wishing that I hadn’t read it at all the further through the email I got.

Dear doktor Kokomi,

My name is Suzuki Kayo and I saw you have one of those job positions at your aquarium and I would LOVE to come to work for you as your assistant. I’ve had a LOVE for the ocean for my entire life. I can never see the beauty of the ocean anymore now that I have moved to the horrible city of Tokyo. Fun fact: did you know that there is no ocean in Tokyo? I am actually from Kamogawa and I miss it every day. Who would have known right? I used to visit the aquarium all the time and LUVED seeing all the fishies. I really want to pet a dolphin again haha……… Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top let me come work for u...

WHEN DID I WRITE THIS? WAS I DRUNK? I HAVE NO MEMORY OF THIS!

I hastily decided to stop reading from that point; I don’t think I can handle reading the rest. Checking the date, it looks like it was sent at eleven thirty P.M. last Tuesday night. What was I doing last Tuesday night? It is hard to remember.

I paused with my head in my palms to disguise the embarrassment that I felt. My cheeks felt flushed from the shock and sheer mortification I felt from reading my application email. I had sent one of my greatest role models this email.

Tuesday night... Eleven thirty P.M... I ran the week before through my mind- what had been so special about Tuesday night? For a moment, the weeks events seemed to blur together- most of my days are split between work and home with not much variety differentiating one day from the other.

Oh, that’s right, that was the day that we had submitted the presentation to our manager. That night, Yuri had invited me out for drinks after work, in celebration of a job well done. I tried recollecting the events of that night, however after dinner and a few drinks, the rest of the night seemed to be a blur. After the completion of such an important project, it was safe to say many celebratory drinks were had that night.

Whilst recollecting the events of last Tuesday night, I realised that I did not remember how I had got home that night, and the only thing that I could remember was the killer hangover the next day when I arrived at my desk. I made a mental note- I need to be more careful at after-work parties from here on out.

Releasing my face from the safety of my fingers, I took another drink from my bottle as I felt my heart thud heavily against my ribcage. The cold water barely soothed the burning shame that I still felt after reading that email.

I cannot believe I sent a job application to my dream job while drunk! How could I do such a thing, especially whilst in an intoxicated state? Despite this, I somehow ended up getting an interview! I don’t know if I should feel extremely embarrassed or proud of myself.

Has getting my dream job after all these years really been this easy? This filled me with a sense of relief! I mean, what was all that worrying for worth in the first place? After all these years, I finally have an answer if I’m good enough to work towards my dream.

The presence of this email from Doctor Kokomi sitting in my inbox now reassures me that I must at least be good enough to get an actual interview!

Despite the initial thrill from the email I had received, I don’t think I could ever take the role. Memories of the many arguments that I had with my father rushed through my mind. I felt crestfallen as I reminded myself of my many responsibilities and obligations. Maybe I will just reply to them at lunchtime tomorrow, thanking them for their offer but politely turning them down. There is no way I could pursue my dream with my father still watching my every move.

I started to think of other factors that would prevent me from taking the position in Kamogawa- the costs of moving back to my hometown would be astronomical. Where would I even live? Ah, that’s right! What about my apartment? I surely couldn’t leave so abruptly- the cost of breaking my lease would be problematic as well! I considered my gym membership- gyms never let you out of contracts with ease!

Oh, who am I kidding? Deep down, I know that I’m just making excuses for myself. I know that I will never amount to who I have always wanted to be as a person. I just don’t think I am strong enough to take control of my own life.

I resigned myself to the fact that I probably would have to decline the offer, but before I do, I want to have at least one night with this budding feeling of excitement and empowerment. Knowing that I managed to obtain an opportunity to be interviewed for my dream job left me with a sense of pride.

Maybe I am good enough. I try to commit the emotions that come with this memory to my heart, remembering this will help me through the dark times that are sure to come.

Yuri came past my desk to drop off the tea that she had promised prior to her departure and if she noticed any change in my mood, she neglected to mention it. Her entrance from the lifts indicated the end of my dedicated research time. I closed my windows of research and minimised the email, I decided that just for today, it would be my little happy secret.

After the excitement from the email, the rest of the workday seemed to blitz past, the humiliation and anger that I had originally felt melted away, replaced by a feeling of anticipation and a sense of encouragement. Even if I had to reject the offer soon, just for today, this was mine.

My journey home from the office that night was light-hearted and merry, I was probably feeling the best I had felt in a very long time. I had in a way, achieved a goal that I had thought of as unattainable for years now. Even if it was for a fleeting moment, I had something I was striving for.

That evening, it was the best sleep I have had in many years.

~

I walked into the office the next day, recharged and energised, feeling as though there was a balloon of joy within my chest. Whilst it still felt like a dream receiving that email the night before, the giant Oceanworld poster on my ceiling took on a new meaning for me. It felt like my dreams were so close and possibly within my reach. The fact that the possibility lingered filled me with motivation and anticipation; was I potentially reconsidering my decision?

Despite the consistent mental reminders that I was to reply Doctor Kokomi today declining the offer for an interview, I still found myself thrilled. At least for a moment, someone thought that my dream was not beyond reach, and someone other than myself recognised my passion and thought that I was capable enough to be invited for an interview.

Catching sight of Yuri standing in the walkway before my desk, I paused, and felt the joy in every fibre of my being freeze like ice within my veins. Her expression was tense, and she was as white as the wall behind her. I reached a conclusion that something must have happened prior to my arrival, and I began to feel uncertainty and my daily rush of anxiety that often overtook me at work made its way back, overcoming the initial joy that I felt.

“Morning, Yuri,” I greeted her cautiously, “How are you today? Are you alright? You look a little pale.”

Before I could walk past her to my desk, she rushed towards me with her dire expression, she took a hold of my shoulders with a grip that caught me completely by surprise.

“KAYO, THEY WERE HERE ALL MORNING!”

I drew a shaky breath in, “what are you talking about Yuri, who was here all morning?”

“The manager and a team I have never seen before! They came in early this morning looking for you! They then proceeded to search your entire desk! Even security and human resources were there! I tried to stop them, but they ordered me to stop interfering in their investigation and that I could be fired for being an accomplice!”

Yuri reached out to clasp my hands, her hands were clammy and shook from concern and worry on my behalf, “Kayo, I don’t know what is happening!? You couldn’t have done anything wrong right?”

Listening to all she had said, the blood started to drain from my face. I felt a cold sweat on my forehead. What could this possibly be? I couldn’t think straight!

Multiple questions rushed through my mind, each statement she said only brought up more questions left unanswered. Who came to look at all my stuff on my desk? What were they doing at my workstation? What were they searching for? Why me? What did I do? I haven’t done anything wrong!

“I don’t know Yuri! I haven’t done anything! Let me go ask the-”

Before I can finish my sentence, I hear a loud voice thunder across the office addressing me.

“SUZUKI-SAN! YOU'VE ARRIVED AT LAST. PLEASE IF YOU WOULD, CAN YOU COME TO JOIN US IN THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY SO YOU CAN EXPLAIN YOURSELF!”

The thundering tones of Morisaki-san boomed across the room; my knees began to shake. My mind raced with questions- an overwhelming sense of guilt and doubt welled up in my mind, I instinctively began to feel guilty, despite not knowing what they had suspected me of doing. What do they think that I had done?

I felt my lips trembling, felt tears welling up in my eyes and making their slow descent down my cheeks. Every eye on the office floor was looking in my direction, some more discreetly than others, the hush in the office made it clear that I was their gossip fodder for the day. I’ve never enjoyed being the centre of attention and today was no different.

I start walking slowly towards the office, trying hard to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks. Every step that I took felt heavy and despite the journey taking no more than a minute, the walk felt like an eternity.

When I finally reached the office door, I saw a group of middle-aged men glaring at me with tablets in their hands. A quick glance around the room informed me that there were at least six or seven men awaiting my immediate presence. One of them stood speaking to Morisaki-san, deeply engaged in their conversation as I walked through the threshold. Some men stayed seated, whilst others stood next to what I assumed were their seats.

The moment I entered, the room went silent, and once again all eyes were locked on me. It was like the clock had struck high noon in a western movie. My manager, Morisaki-san looked infuriated whilst the other gentleman with round glasses whom he had been speaking to, wore an equally intense expression on his face.

The gentleman with the round glasses gestured for me to come in and sit down. I sat alone at the conference table, facing the intimidating party of seven.

“Now Suzuki-san, I know you must be a little scared and worried after everything happened so quickly, but I can assure you we are not here to accuse you of anything. We are simply here to listen to what you have to say. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Morikawa Toshi, I am the head of the security and logistics team here at the company. Now let's start from the beginning...”

Morisaki-san’s frame seemed to flare up at what he heard, “What do you mean you’re not here to accuse her of anything? That’s why I asked you to come down here! She’s guilty and that's the end of it!”

Toshi-san did not seem fazed by Morisaki’s outburst and instead coolly responded. “Now hold on Morisaki-san, my job here is to conduct an investigation, and in order to do that and reach a fair decision; I must hear both sides. Now if you won’t settle down, I will have to have you removed from this meeting so that I can do my job without further interruption. Is that clear enough for you?”

Looking over at Morisaki, this seemed to quiet him down as he went back to his desk and took his seat. He huffed and puffed all the way until back to his chair as he sat down, he seemed as though he was deflated and had lost his bluster after Toshi-san had threatened with removal.

“Now let’s get back to the task at hand.” Toshi-san refocused his attention on me, paying no further mind to Morisaki.

“Suzuki-san, we called you here today as we have received word that you stole documents from the company and planned to use them to blackmail your way through the company. These are serious accusations and reading through your file I just can’t see why you would do it?”

He seemed to notice the puzzled though nervous expression on my face as he continued, “We have a lot of evidence, and we would like to hear you explain just what exactly you have been up to. That's why I’m here today. The first question I have for you is: did you steal documents from our company?”

I don’t know what to say in response to this accusation... They think I stole company documents and planned to release them to further my career at the company. I don’t remember stealing any documents. Maybe it was an accident or a mistake that led them to believe that I had other intentions? How did it even come to this?

My mind is running at a million miles an hour right now. This is all too much for me to handle. I tried to form the words I was thinking but only stuttering came out before leaving my mouth in a torrent.

“I-I-I don’t k-kn-know what to say to this. I have never and would never do anything like this. I’m not a strong enough person to be able to follow along with something like this. I would never do something like this to the company. In all honesty, I would chicken out even before it got to this stage. There is no possible way I could do this. Clearly, you have the wrong person!”

I don’t even think I could come up with a plan like this let alone execute this. My body is trying so hard to fight back the tears. I would do anything not to be in this room right now. I need to calm down and go to my happy place. Just relax and think of the waves crashing on the beach. You can do this.

“She’s lying! She’s always been after my job ever since she arrived three years ago! She’s never stopped trying to make me look bad and undermine whatever I’m working on!” Morisaki stood up in opposition as though to place emphasis on his accusations, his forceful outburst startled me.

“Enough Morisaki! Final warning or you will be removed!”

Morisaki sat down as I covered my eyes; the tears wouldn’t stop now. There was nothing I could do to hold them back. How could Morisaki say something like that after all the hard work I put in for him? All these lies cut deep into my mind! How could he say such words! My heart felt like it was being ripped up into small pieces.

The emotions seemed to choke any attempt at speech and all I could manage was to focus on the square of carpet on the floor in front of me. Anymore, and I felt as though I would completely fall apart.

“Suzuki-san, I apologize for Morisaki’s behavior. I think this might be a place to start our investigation. Suzuki-san, I spoke with the board of directors, and they have recommended that while we run the investigation that we put you on, shall we call it a two-week holiday. While we investigate what has been going on, you cannot come to the office or speak with any of the other staff here. That goes for you too, Morisaki. Now please pack up your work for the day Suzuki-san. We will be in contact soon with more information.”

The numbness in the pit of my stomach felt overwhelming, I felt conflicted and confused; I do not know what I should be feeling right now. I stood up from my chair, thanked them all before turning and leaving to my desk.

I felt the urge to further profess my innocence, but I know that there is nothing more to say. I feel my heart thudding within my ribcage and for a while, that is all I seem to hear, my mind races and I cannot make sense of any of the thoughts rushing through my mind.

I grab all my belongings from my meagre desk and walked numbly towards the door. With my head spinning from the encounter, absorbed in my confusion, I don’t even notice Yuri trying to get my attention. At this point, all I want to do is to get as far away from this place as possible. I feel everyone’s eyes on me as they watch me collect my items and make the humiliating walk towards the elevator.

Walking home today has a completely different feel than it did yesterday. Today, all I can feel is emptiness and despair.

(Authors note - After re-editing grammar for some early mistakes, I decided it would be best to split the first chapter into two chapters to help flow them better. Enjoy the story - James Vectra)