Taiga

Have you ever found someone who made you feel complete? I did.

It was the second semester of middle school. I was sitting at my desk next to the huge open window, the curtains floating in the warm breeze. It was the first floor, so dust from the ground outside kept tingling my nose. The bell had rung a while ago. But a bunch of my classmates sat giggling near the door. I wasn't sure about what, but I knew nothing about me since I was a nobody. I wanted them to leave before I did. Walking home alone was one thing. Being seen walking alone was another.

I had tried to get along with them during the first semester. I just never knew what to say to keep them engaged. I was too boring, or maybe too blunt, I don't know. Eventually I stopped trying, and they stopped noticing.

"Hey."

The voice came from the window. I turned and saw Rei, the most popular girl in school, standing in the window outside my class, with her arms folded behind her back, tilting slightly forward.

I jumped out of my seat before I could stop myself.

The kids by the door went silent. One snickered, then the rest of them. My face went hot. I sat back down and made the mistake of glancing at Rei. She was laughing too, her hand over her mouth. Something tightened in my chest. Not because she looked unbearably pretty when she laughed, though she did, but because for a moment I felt betrayed by her.

Then she extended her hand through the window. "I'm Rei."

I looked at her hand. It was small. I shook it carefully. I didn't want to break it. "I-I'm Taiga."

From that day, Rei was always there. We weren't classmates, but it didn't matter. She was there during recess, crossing the hallway, the walk between buildings. Sometimes I would excuse myself from class for the bathroom to go stand outside her classroom just to catch her eye through the door. She always noticed and waved at me.

School became something I didn't hate. Then the semester ended and the class assignments changed. I couldn't sleep that night. I sat at the edge of my bed, palms pressed flat together.

Please let us be together. I will do anything. I need nothing else. Please, just this time.
Please let us be together. I will do anything. I need nothing else. Please, just this time.
Please let us be together. I will do anything. I need nothing else. Please, just this time.

I don't know how long I sat there. Long enough that my feet went cold against the floor.

The next morning, when I walked in, she was already there. Her hair was longer now, pulled into a ponytail. Her seat was across from mine. She looked up when I came in and gave a small wave. I believe that night I used up all my life's worth of wishes. And I didn't regret it.

I walked towards her to greet her, but my mouth was completely dry.

"Morning." She pushed her feet off the floor, rocking gently in her chair. I could only stare, trying to find my words.

Her chair slipped. I don't know how, but I caught her arm and pulled. She was now against my chest, her chair behind her on the floor, the crash loud enough that the whole room turned to look. I could feel her heartbeat. It was going as fast as mine. She looked up at me, face red. Slowly I moved my hands back.

"S-sorry—"

"Thank you, Taiga." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're a lifesaver."

I went back to my seat and opened my notebook and stared at the page. My hands were still shaking. My heart hadn't settled, but there was something else. I might be in love with Rei.

It was the first time I had thought about it that clearly. It didn't surprise me.

But she was too perfect to like me back. I understood that perfectly well. One day I'd left my pencil case in the classroom, and when I came back, I heard voices inside. I stopped at the door when I heard Rei’s name.

"Do you think Taiga and Rei are dating?"

"Not a chance. She's just too perfect for him."

"She probably keeps him around because she pities him."

"He's a hindrance. He's destroying her social life."

I stood in the hallway and listened to my own breathing. After a while I left without the pencil case.

I was scared of pulling her down with me. But I didn't want to be alone.

One day, a guy from class cornered me at the shoe lockers. He rubbed the back of his head like he was trying to seem casual about it. "Are you dating Rei?”

Something shifted in me. I didn't like the way he was asking. I smiled. "Why do you want to know?"

He went red and held out an envelope. I grabbed his arm and pushed him against the locker, his head meeting the metal with a dull sound. He went completely still.

"Stay away from her.”

He was trembling. "I-I'm sorry—"

I let him go. He slid down against the locker, and I walked away, the envelope in my hand. I opened it while I walked. My name was written on the front.

I looked at it for a moment, then folded it and put it in my bag. I had other things to think about.

I need to confess before someone takes her away.

On a Wednesday I prepared chocolates and a letter. I stood in front of the mirror and practised until the words stopped drying up in my throat. I told myself, if she says no, it's over. I knew I wouldn't be missed anyway.

When I was standing in front of her, I forgot everything I had practised.

I raised my hand. I watched it shake. I looked at her face and then I couldn't, so I looked at my feet instead. The world tilted slightly. I closed my eyes. "I love you."

I waited.

Something touched my face. Then something soft and warm pressed against my lips, and when I opened my eyes, she was already pulling back, watching me with a small smile at the corner of her mouth. "You took a while."

*****

I heard a tapping sound followed by her voice. "Hey. What are you thinking about?"

I blinked and looked up. Rei was sitting across from me at the kitchen table, coffee in her hand, the glasses she'd been building laid out in front of her.

We had moved in together when university started. Life was perfect with her around. The sweet scent of her perfume and her lingering gaze was everything I ever needed.

"Nothing." I got up and brought her a fresh cup, just the way she liked. She took it and set it down, already reaching for the frames again.

"They're done." She held them up and inspected the lens. Wiped the glass with her sleeve. "With these, you can see anyone's S-lines."

"What's that?" I looked at the glasses then her.

She smiled like she'd been waiting for someone to ask. "The line between two people who've slept together.”