Rei

“Love is like honey. Sticky and translucent. Sweet and suffocating.”

I had been drowning in his love.

I liked the dumbfounded look on Taiga's face when I explained about the Hoe Glass. And loved the silent pause, the flicker of emotions behind that calm expression when I told him its purpose.

“But why are you making this?” Taiga asked, his gentle voice carrying both hesitancy and curiosity.

“Nothing serious. I was bored.” I leaned forward, grabbing the glass from his hand, “Plus, people love drama. This glass causes drama. Therefore, I'm gonna make bucks out of this.”

Taiga paused, looking at me, then at the glass in my hands with the expression I didn't have the name for. I didn't like that. I had a name for everything.

Then he smiled. Slow and warm, like sunrise. “I’m proud of you, Rei.” He was being as supportive as always. I could commit a murder, and he would hide the body with that same smile on his face.

“As you should,” I smirked, then walked over to his side and waved the glass in front of his face teasingly, “Why don't you try it on? For me. As my first customer.”

Taiga fidgeted in his seat. He looked uncomfortable, but he could never say no to me, not even once, ever since the day we started dating.

I put the glass on his face, pinching his cheeks and then walking away a few steps, “Tell me, what do you see?”

Taiga froze on the spot. Then he went still. Not the usual thoughtful pause I had catalogued a hundred times. This was different. Like something behind his eyes had gone very quiet.

My heart was beating fast in anticipation, even faster than the day he first held me in his arms, even faster than when we had our first kiss. A mix of adrenaline and dread of being led to the guillotine of his judgment gaze.

I almost asked what he saw.

Yet that moment never came. Instead, Taiga put his sweet mask back on—his laugh echoed through the small apartment, “Look at you, like you have a red broom over your head.”

I couldn't laugh with him, as my heart was no longer beating fast. It felt wrung out instead, like something had been squeezed loose.

“You don't want to know? Whose red line belongs to? Whose did I…”

“I love you, Rei,” Taiga cut me off, before he could hear the rest of the statement, “no matter what you did in the past, I still always love you.”

It should have calmed me down, should have reassured me, but instead, it made my blood boil.

So I crossed the room, swung onto Taiga’s lap, and kissed him before either of us could say something stupid about it. He made a gasping noise against my mouth—the only time I could catch him off guard—but then his arms wrapped around my waist like they had always planned to be there. My fingers gripped tight on his shoulder, not letting him go as we both deepened the kiss. I wanted to make sure he could taste my frustration.

Suddenly, my stomach made the loudest grumbling noise ever, and we both broke away from the kiss, dazed eyes still staring into each other's.

“I will go make some food,” Taiga’s hand gently touched my cheek. I wished he would do that with the same intensity as when he gripped my waist earlier.

The elephant in the room, and it had no intention to leave.

I watched Taiga put on the apron, humming a soft tune as he turned on the stove, with the same quiet efficiency that he brought to everything.

When did his back get this broad? When did he get much taller than me?

When did I start to fall in love with him? I told myself I hadn’t. I was still telling myself that.

***

“People are predictable. Controlled variables. Yet there is one variable that I can’t never solve for—no matter how many I runs the equation.”

School was a breeze to pass through. It was easy to gain the top spot in this small social cycle. With a stunning look, natural talent, a bit of social skills, and a charming smile as a cherry on top, I was able to dominate this jungle.

I was proud of my skill to read people. I found it interesting to analyze them like a math problems. Once I stripped away their pretense of social context, I was able to see their intentions, their desire.

But with Taiga, I could not gauge any ounce of motive from him. He might as well be a piece of furniture in the room, and no one would notice the difference.

A constant in a room full of variables. Naturally, he had my attention. From my observation, he didn’t seem like a bland, boring soul, but one that suppressed their existence forcefully.

Like a tiger patiently waiting for its prey.

I found it funny that he was such a fumbling mess, when he could easily break someone if he wanted to. Such restraint was fascinating to witness, yet heart-pounding when experienced.

I watched how Taiga tried hard to control his strength while shaking my hand, how he slammed the guy in the locker just because that poor soul mentioned my name, and how he always appeared at the right moment.

I was waiting for him to finally make his move.

“You took a while,” I said as I leaned in and kissed him. Our first kiss. Quick, tender, and childish.

***

They said first love didn’t last long. I thought our relationship would last a month at most. But months turned to years, and before I knew it, Taiga had become a constant in my life.

I still could never understand what he was thinking.

Our kisses got bolder. We lived like a married couple. Yet he still kept that same demeanor. Others would call him a hopeless romantic. I called him unpredictable.

No matter how many times I tried to run—throwing myself into endless flings, trying to make sense of this attraction—I could never pull away from him entirely.

The feelings kept growing. I kept pretending they weren’t.

Before I knew it, I would always come back to him.